Well we were together for 2 years and she broke up with me because we fought A LOT and she needed space and her independence back and I did a lot of terrible needy things I'm not proud of. Anyway after I started becoming OK with the break up, she starts texting me (3 weeks after the break up) saying she really wants to see me. Then she just goes cold turkey all over again. I texted her awhile ago saying she's sending me mixed signals and I'm confused and I saw that she read the message and started to reply but then stopped.

Sounds like I really should just move on huh? I'm done with these games, everyone keeps telling me she wants me to her convenience and yeah she's being selfish. Not once has she apologized for the way she treated me as well. And I have sought out therapy because I want to change who I've been for so long.

Anyway am I doing the right thing by cutting her off starting tomorrow? She can't have her cake and eat it too!

To me it does you no good to still have communications with your ex because it can really have you confused and hurt.. . yes she was playing games with your head and just using you to her convenience. People like that quit doing it once they are caught or they get mad too... I think it's a good thing to always try to better yourself. Start by deleting her number so that tempation won't come of wanting to talk to her, it'll help in a long run believe me its easier to heal and better yourself if you cut all ties

Should I tell her I'm done contacting her and I'd hope she would respect that and leave me alone and give me no more stupid mixed signals, just so she knows I'm not waiting around for her? I already deleted her number and it feels good :)

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Originally Posted by Jessgeeee

should I tell her I'm done contacting her and I'd hope she respect that and never contact me with stupid mixed signals just so she knows I'm not waiting around?

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In this case I would suggest not contacting her again. She might see your contact as a 'mixed signal'.

Just ignore her. Be polite if you meet in public, but don't encourage conversation. Do not talk about her with other people especially those who would tell her you said something. You do not want to accidentally send her mixed signals.

Good luck.

She can't have her cake and eat it too! Cut her loose.
I have noticed a lot of times the one that wants to break it off will keep coming back for more to some extent because they start romanticizing the good things they liked and forgetting why they broke it off. Then when they get some degree of contact back they realize and the next thing you know its like... they are playing games.

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Originally Posted by Jessgeeee

Should I tell her I'm done contacting her and I'd hope she would respect that and leave me alone and give me no more stupid mixed signals, just so she knows I'm not waiting around for her? I already deleted her number and it feels good :)

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I am in a very similar situation right now and I decided to use all the possible wisdom I can find in me... I will keep silent as well and if she contact me back keep on sending me 'mixed signals' I will either remain silent like she is doing to me now or make sure that I am out of the game by doing only what I want to do and what it feels right at that time...

In the meantime I am learning (slowly and painfully) to live every day as she was gone (dead) and no counting on her calling me or texting... yhea I may ending losing my feelings for her but ultimately she is also causing this to happen and so your girlfriend too...

In other words I will use flexibility and wisdom as my shields to move on in a way on in another...

We need to stay awau from unnecessary pressure as life can be already very difficult as it is without people playing games with our feelings...

A word of explanation from her though would add some dignity to the sad end and make it more acceptable for both people

Is not much is it??

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Originally Posted by Gullyver

I am in a very similar situation right now and I decided to use all the possible wisdom I can find in me....I will keep silent as well and if she contact me back keep on sending me 'mixed signals' I will either remain silent like she is doing to me now or make sure that I am out of the game by doing only what I want to do and what it feels right at that time......

In the meantime I am learning (slowly and painfully) to live every day as she was gone (dead) and no counting on her calling me or texting....yhea I may ending loosing my feelings for her but ultimately she is also causing this to happen and so your girlfriend too....

In other words I will use flexibility and wisdom as my shields to move on in a way on in another......

We need to stay awau from unnecessary pressure as life can be already very difficult as it is without people playing games with our feelings.....

A word of explanation from her though would add some dignity to the sad end and make it more acceptable for both people

Is not much is it???

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no I feel the same way, thank you all for your feedback. I guess I just don't understand how someone who I've been with for 2 years and gone through so much with can be such a coward when it comes to our relationship, at first I was feeling like she ruined our love she made it stop but I'm glad she did because deep down I always knew this side of her and now I feel like me talking to her and getting nothing back just was the final straw and I feel almost free to move on. I'm looking forward to starting therapy so I can change

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Originally Posted by Jessgeeee

no I feel the same way, thank you all for your feedback. I guess I just don't understand how someone who I've been with for 2 years and gone through so much with can be such a coward when it comes to our relationship, at first I was feeling like she ruined our love she made it stop but I'm glad she did because deep down I always knew this side of her and now I feel like me talking to her and getting nothing back just was the final straw and I feel almost free to move on. I'm looking foward to starting therapy so I can change

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I understand fully how you feel as I am going through very similar feelings, I alternate love and resentment for the sorrow I feel missing her, in the last 6-8 months together we also fought a lot and since then she also not once has she apologized for the way she treated me as well.

I am also believing that she may have the tendency to avoid facing obstacles and so there is some cowardice in playing some little games of silence and other contrasting signals. Few times I also grasped several times the idea that deep down she had a darker side which was popping up just for nano-seconds in the first one year and then it revealed itself openly as our story was breaking down...

... I was amazed sometimes of how cold, distant and cruel she could be when talking or acting and then maybe we should see the end as a salvation? Who knows the truth since they do not talk their real minds?

Just pray for her to see the truth in what she is doing and wish her happiness and remember only her beautiful and caring side of when you were very close to each other even if she does not come back to you this is the best way to free yourself, show her your true love up to the very end, free yourself, fly away happily looking for the unknown and the next wonderful woman you will meet, and let it go if this is the destiny

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Originally Posted by Gullyver

I understand fully how you feel as I am going through very similar feelings, I alternate love and resentment for the sorrow I feel missing her, in the last 6-8 months together we also fought a lot and since then she also not once has she apologized for the way she treated me as well.

I am also believing that she may have the tendency to avoid facing obstacles and so there is some cowardice in playing some little games of silence and other contrasting signals. Few times I also grasped several times the idea that deep down she had a darker side which was popping up just for nano-seconds in the first one year and then it revealed itself openly as our story was breaking down.......

.....I was amazed sometimes of how cold, distant and cruel she could be when talking or acting and then maybe we should see the end as a salvation? who knows the truth since they do not talk their real minds?

Just pray for her to see the truth in what she is doing and wish her happiness and remember only her beautiful and caring side of whn you were very close to each other even if she does not come back to you this is the best way to free yourself, show her your true love up to the very end, free yourself, fly away happily looking for the unknown and the next wonderful woman you will meet, and let it go if this is the destiny

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Well I'd love to remember who she was but for me that would make it worse because I was in shock someone who was so amazing to me could just turn her back on me after everything. I just need to remind myself how badly she treated me and how many times I let her walk all over me I was literally blinded. And when she dumped me (or took a break first like a coward) the blind fold came off. I can't let myself remember the good days till I'm completely over her

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Originally Posted by Jessgeeee

Well I'd love to remember who she was but for me that would make it worse because I was in shock someone who was so amazing to me could just turn her back on me after everything......... I just need to remind myself how badly she treated me and how many times I let her walk all over me I was literally blinded. ........And when she dumped me (or took a break first like a coward) the blind fold came off. I can't let myself remember the good days till I'm completely over her

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Follow what your hart and gut instinct tells you and do not allow your mind to control you but you must control your mind... easy to say but very difficult to implement but you must do it for your own sake

If you want to forget until you are completely over her that's fine.

Focus on your life, on making new friends and catch up with the old ones

My few good friends are making me feel better right now and you must avoid staying alone for too long until you feel better

Be strong mate, I realized that only when you live a strong and courageous life you can be happy with or without a partner

And be in touch if you need an opinion or advise, I am here brov

Make sure you do not hate her and wish her always happiness and you will see that she will 'feel' the good vibes you send her and it will be easier for you to move on peacefully

I share your same feeling when I remember her nice and caring side and moments we had together, this is why I fell in love for her and so I am now still in shock and feel difficult to accept that someone who was so amazing to me could just turn her back on me after everything we done and beautiful moment we spent together.

So many plans, moving abroad, adopting or having a baby, traveling the world together... all gone and without a logical explanation to understand...

... but is love logical and fair as someone said..!.

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Originally Posted by Gullyver

Follow what your hart and gut instinct tells you and do not allow your mind to control you but you must control your mind....easy to say but very difficult to implement but you must do it for your own sake

If you want to forget until you are completely over her that's fine.

Focus on your life, on making new friends and catch up with the old ones

My few good friends are making me feel better right now and you must avoid staying alone for too long until you feel better

Be strong mate, I realized that only when you live a strong and courageous life you can be happy with or without a partner

And be in touch if you need an opinion or advise, I am here brov

make sure you do not hate her and wish her always happiness and you will see that she will 'feel' the good vibes you send her and it will be easier for you to move on peacefully

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thanks bro, yeah yesterday I felt really ready to not care anymore but of course today starts and I'm already thinking of her, I keep having dreams she's dead? But I'm sure it's just because I know our relationship is dead and it really sucks when things just end I hate ending things especially things that seemed like they would go on for awhile longer. I know we had problems I just wish she wouldn't have left me behind like she did. We shared a really big connection. I don't get how some people can just forget or put it behind them. Although its good to know I still feel the heart break its going to take me awhile to move past her.

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Originally Posted by Gullyver

I share your same feeling when I remember her nice and caring side and moments we had together, this is why I fell in love for her and so I am now still in shock and feel difficult to accept that someone who was so amazing to me could just turn her back on me after everything we done and beautiful moment we spent together.

So many plans, moving abroad, adopting or having a baby, traveling the world together.....all gone and without a logical explanation to understand.......

....but is love logical and fair as someone said...?!?!.....

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I feel the same way some how I'm over the shock as its been a month since she pretty much left me. She told me she needed her independence back and wasn't ready to give up her freedom. Yeah we had plans to get married and adopt too we also were suppose to move in together next year I hate the plans that people leave behind

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Originally Posted by Jessgeeee

thanks bro, yeah yesterday I felt really ready to not care anymore but of course today starts and I'm already thinking of her, I keep having dreams shes dead?! But I'm sure it's just because I know our relationship is dead and it really sucks when things just end I hate ending things especially things that seemed like they would go on for awhile longer. I know we had problems I just wish she wouldn't have left me behind like she did. We shared a really big connection. I don't get how some people can just forget or put it behind them. Although its good to know i still feel the heart break its gunna take me awhile to move past her.


I feel the same way some how I'm over the shock as its been a month since she pretty much left me. She told me she needed her independence back and wasn't ready to give up her freedom. Yeah we had plans to get married and adopt too we also were suppose to move in together next year I hate the plans that people leave behind

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Thanks brov to you too,

Yeah me too in the last days yesterday I felt I was coping better but over this weekend and especially in the evening I feel something very deep inside and I really miss her

I know we also had problems in the last 6-7 months but it is very difficult to accept the end of a 2 year-long, important story without knowing why it is finished... this is what torments me, the silent way she left me behind like she did.

We had a really deep connection and this makes things even more difficult to take in

Its been almost month since she pretty much told me to get out of her flat and then about 10 days that she left me more or less officially. She told me she needed time on her own and that she has a life...
... but then why allowing me to hug her and kiss her last Sunday but then she did not want me to stay and then wants no contact at all...

Out of respect, do you think is it too much to ask a hour talk with a brief explanation of why our story ended? Is it too much I ask for?

Would that be beautiful so that we can remember each other with respect and walk away moving on gracefully and peacefully... is it too much to ask?

You two guys are hopeless romantics, and I mean that in a nice way. :)

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Originally Posted by Gullyver

thanks brov to you too,

yeah me too in the last days yesterday I felt I was coping better but over this weekend and especially in the evening I feel something very deep inside and I really miss her

I know we also had problems in the last 6-7 months but it is very difficult to accept the end of a 2 year-long, important story without knowing why it is finished...this is what torments me, the silent way she left me behind like she did.

We had a really deep connection and this makes things even more difficult to take in

its been almost month since she pretty much told me to get out of her flat and then about 10 days that she left me more or less officially. She told me she needed time on her own and that she has a life....
....but then why allowing me to hug her and kiss her last Sunday but then she did not want me to stay and then wants no contact at all.......

Out of respect, do you think is it too much to ask a hour talk with a brief explanation of why our story ended? Is it too much I ask for?

Would that be beautiful so that we can remember each other with respect and walk away moving on gracefully and peacefully........is it too much to ask?

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Yeah seriously. My ex told me twice how badly she wanted to see me and I have no idea if it was because she missed me and was lonely but then she just stopped and now I really feel its over. Part of me wonders if she found someone else but I know she wouldn't it's just so weird. Unless I see her I probably will never really know the real reasoning. Some girls just get so sick of stuff they leave

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You two guys are hopeless romantics, and I mean that in a nice way. :)

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yeah some girls just bring it out in the way. If I think about what happened and how she handled it it will break me down just trying to stay positive and move on. Someone doesn't want to be in my life then OK your free to leave

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Originally Posted by Jessgeeee

Yeah seriously. My ex told me twice how badly she wanted to see me and I have no idea if it was because she missed me and was lonely but then she just stopped and now I really feel its over. Part of me wonders if she found someone else but I know she wouldn't it's just so weird. Unless I see her I probably will never really know the real reasoning. Some girls just get so sick of stuff they leave

yeah some girls just bring it out in the way. If I think about what happened and how she handled it it will break me down just trying to stay positive and move on. Someone doesn't wanna be in my life then ok your free to leave

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I understand, she gave you loads of 'mixed signals' and then she retreated...

I cannot be sure 100% because I don't know her as you do but I have the feeling that she is not seeing someone else just yet and I would not be surprised if she will contact you again.

Do not contact her with calls or texts but respond if she contact you, be polite and gentle and listen what she has to say.

If that happens be cautious and ask her why she got in touch again (in other words what she wants from you) before opening yourself.

In the meantime I would suggest that you wish her happiness and focus on your own life (work, study, friends, hobbies, etc, etc) as much as you can.

Stay active and pray a lot if you believe.

Life is plenty of challenges but also wonderful surprises

Few of us have the skills or fortitude to not let casual contact not affect us for days, and even weeks. We always will see hope of reconciliation and resumed interest that keeps us stuck in our healing process. I will admit to some this is better than facing this NC challenge full on, but wondering what every little nuance of conversation mean is a perfect storm of continued emotional attachment and chaos.

Not a good place to be nor good for healthy healing.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Few of us have the skills or fortitude to not let casual contact not affect us for days, and even weeks. We always will see hope of reconciliation and resumed interest that keeps us stuck in our healing process. I will admit to some this is better than facing this NC challenge full on, but wondering what every little nuance of conversation mean is a perfect storm of continued emotional attachment and chaos.

Not a good place to be nor good for healthy healing.

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It is true that kind of strength needs loads of determination (to move on) and courage to fight (the loss of the loved one)

True also that most of signals 'received' even those not necessarily positive may be interpreted as resumed interest but, at this stage it is not unusual given that there are still feelings and emotions involved

Do not place high expectations though as every story (and person) is different remembering at all times that there is not much logic in Love matters, as we all of us experienced

It is how we deal with the 'signals' (or silence) that makes the difference in our healing process. We must remember that a healthy, mature and balanced partner (not a needy one) respecting the other person need for silence and space can persuade (sometimes) the loved ones who left to change their mind, if they still have also feelings and emotions for you

As for 'chaos' again if we use it wisely and learn from our situation it can turn out to be 'a positive chaos' necessary to generate good changes in us strengthening ourselves to be a better person

Ultimately, never call the loved who left unless they do and if they do contact you back, act calmly, wisely and politely and then make your own conclusion and learning whenever possible

If only this site had existed when I got dumped, after 13 years. The internet was still in it's infancy and the web didn't exist yet.

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Originally Posted by Gullyver

It is true that kind of strength needs loads of determination (to move on) and courage to fight (the loss of the loved one)

True also that most of signals 'received' even those not necessarily positive may be interpreted as resumed interest but, at this stage it is not unusual given that there are still feelings and emotions involved

Do not place high expectations though as every story (and person) is different remembering at all times that there is not much logic in Love matters, as we all of us experienced

It is how we deal with the 'signals' (or silence) that makes the difference in our healing process. We must remeber that a healthy, mature and balanced partner (not a needy one) respecting the other person need for silence and space can persuade (sometimes) the loved ones who left to change their mind, if they still have also feelings and emotions for you

as for 'chaos' again if we use it wisely and learn from our situation it can turn out to be 'a positive chaos' necessary to generate good changes in us strengthening ourselves to be a better person

Ultimately, never call the loved who left unless they do and if they do contact you back, act calmly, wisely and politely and then make your own conclusion and learning whenever possible

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well I texted her last night (I know stupid) and I just told her that I wished she would have ended it better and other stuff and I got no reply its so hurtful that she doesn't even care enough to leave me with something. But I will continue to move on I have no idea why she won't answer me. She never has likes confrontation and she's very distant when it comes to love she's probably trying to make me disappear and I know she's hiding behind work. It's just so weird and sad.

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Originally Posted by Jessgeeee

well I texted her last night (I know stupid) and I just told her that I wished she would have ended it better and other stuff and I got no reply its so hurtful that she doesn't even care enough to leave me with something. But I will continue to move on I have no idea why she won't answer me. She never has likes confrontation and shes very distant when it comes to love shes probably trying to make me disappear and I know shes hiding behind work. It's just so weird and sad.

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Thank you for proving my point.