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We have a adopted 14yr old who has a lot of mental issues. She has tried to strangel her sister twice,hurt her brother,tried to push me down the stairs just to name a few times. The children sleep with their doors locked. We were told this
Morning by her doctor that she wants to kill all of us and will when she gets the chance. My question ---- Can a adoption be reversed in CO.
You should be involving social workers and her school way before you deal with the adoption. When and from whom (where) did you adopt her?
How did you not know of her issues BEFORE you finalized her adoption?
You can't just give a kid back. You are legally and morally responsible for your child.
Get her help. Call social workers, get counselors and therapists involved.
We were foster parents. Got her when she was 6wk old. She was born addicted to cocaine the social worked told us she would NOT be affected by it.. WE were so stuped about drugs.We did not know any thing at the time,boy have we learned a lot over the years.Quote:
Originally Posted by joypulv
If you got her when she was 6 weeks old, you have had plenty of time to work with her issues.
You are the only parents she knows!
There is help out there for you and for her, and it's better if you get her that help now while you can still make her go---rather than at 18 when you have no control over her. Or rather, when you have no legal control over her. It sounds like you have no control now.
Contact social services and get help for her---and get parenting classes for yourselves. It sounds like you need them.
There are a very small number of special schools in remote areas of the US that take seriously destructive, homicidal teens. They are expensive.
There are answers out there. She needs some kind of tough love program, possibly even one of those teen boot camps. You have to start with the social programs and they will evaluate her.
This isn't a car, you don't just return it when it's no longer what you thought you wanted.
This is a human being, and you are her legal parents. It's your responsibility to get her the help she needs. Just because she's adopted doesn't mean you can dump her on someone else when things get too hard for you.
Have there been problems in the past, and if so, how did you handle them?
We don't even know if she is on some medication that is having all the wrong effects.
IS SHE?
She didn't raise herself. The parents screw up, they want to "return" the child - ?
Sounds like some adoption system!
If they wanted the option to abandon as soon as there were issues, they should have adopted a dog, that's acceptable to most people. But a child, no. Once you adopt, you're the parent, no returns, no refunds.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
There is no way to reverse the adoption, This is YOUR child now and you need to work with getting the child the mental health treatment that is needed.
I don't think the child was born and adopted at six months of age with these issues. Somebody "raised" her.
Wonder who?
6 weeks Judy. They adopted her at 6 weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Now, I do have to admit that a baby born to a drug addicted mother, will have issues. It's not necessarily because of bad parenting.
Having said that, that doesn't mean you get to abandon the child, or make that child someone else's problem, just because you don't want to deal with it.
I have a goldfish I don't want. I'm not a fish person. But guess what? I bought the fish, I bought the tank, and now 8 years later, it's still alive (they told me it would live around 2 weeks). I joke about giving it away, I often say "fish, free to a good home" when I mention my pets. But I've never even actually tried to find a new home for the fish.
Why? I made the commitment. I was the one that chose to get the fish. I was the one that made the commitment to care for it, feed it, and deal with any issues resulting in purchasing it. It's a fish! I recently found out that a goldfish can live 100 years. I care more about my fish, than the OP does about a child she's raised for 14 years that has a shorter expected lifespan than my goldfish!
What is wrong with this world? How do we fix the "it's not working, so can I just get rid of it" mentality? This is a child! A human being! You're the parent, you chose to be the parent. This wasn't even an accidental pregnancy from some idiot teen that didn't know any better. You chose to be the parent! You paid money to get the paperwork signed, you had time to think about it, and now, because she's not the ideal teenager, you want to get rid of her?
Shame on you! Shame on anyone that even has the thought you're trying to legally invoke! SHAME! What sort of human being are you? Are you even human?
I understand that the child was born addicted. You got her at 6 weeks and have had her ever since.
The problem is that the fetus exposed to the drugs that your daughter was exposed to missed developmental stages of the brain in utero. Thus causing a lot of the issues your daughter is experiencing.
In order to help you better, it would be best to know at what age she started exhibiting these behaviors and what you did to curtail such behaviors.
Is your child medicated? If so, on what? Does she regularly see a psychiatrist? If not, that is your first step.
Unfortunately, it appears only from what you have written that this behavior has gone on for so long that it is now out of control. She has become a danger to herself as well as others.
While I tend to agree what the others are saying, I see your point as well. You are trying to protect the rest of your family from this damaged child.
Has the child ever had a mental evaluation? Has she ever been in the hospital?
This is the kind of child that performs heinous acts of terrorism in one way or another as an adult.
Rather than casting her off, it is your responsibility to get her some help.
And I agree. If one of my children were a threat to the others, I'd be concerned. It's a danger. I would find a way to help the child, and protect those that have no choice.Quote:
While I tend to agree what the others are saying, I see your point as well. You are trying to protect the rest of your family from this damaged child.
But, here's what makes me mad. I gave birth to my children. They're biologically mine. As a parent, I have to deal with whatever comes my way. If one of my children turns out to be a sadistic serial killer, I have to deal with it. I have to find whatever help I can for that child. I can't just say "Na, I don't like this kid, who wants it? Who will take it off my hands? My bad, I should have re-thought this 14 years ago", and I never ever would, for any child.
What ticks me off in this case is that the OP thinks that because she adopted the child, she can just give her back, make her someone else's problem, instead of being a parent. Which is what she signed up for when she adopted this child.
Sorry, this thread has really raised my hackles. This is not a pet, or a car, it's a child (and the pet part is thrown in only because it's sadly legal to dispose of pets you don't want). You can't just say "take it back, I don't want it anymore" when it pees on your rug, or starts smoking from the engine. You find a way to deal with it. You find the help the child obviously needs. How could you not? This is your child! Is there no love for this child at all? Is there no sense of responsibility, or commitment? Is there just "I don't want to deal with it, let it be someone elses problem, not mine?"
Sigh.
Oh, I agree. The child is now legally hers/his, just as a birth child is. You don't just turn them in to the local humane society the way you would an animal.
I think the OP may feel that he/she has been attacked rather than helped. We all got our hackles raised. Rather than helping, we took the maternal/paternal role and lashed out.
There are some children born of addicts that are beyond help. I'm sorry to say it, but I've seen it. Even back as a child we had a neighbor like this. He is in prison now.
No, you don't just get rid of the child, you get help. We are willing to give the OP help in finding resources for this child and her family. But we can't help finding resources if we don't know what has or hasn't been done.
The ball is now back in the OPs court.
I do agree that we all attacked. But, the OP didn't help in us finding a solution to the actual problem. She didn't ask for help for her child, her thread is in the law forum, and her question is how to legally get rid of the child she no longer wants.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Basically, she set up the answers she got. She never showed that she wanted to find a way to help her child. She only wanted to find ways to get rid of the child she no longer wanted because of her issues.
In other words, she really didn't give us a chance to help the child, and her.
If she had posted that she was having issues with her adopted 14 year old daughter, and needed help, we all know the answers would have been the exact opposite of what was posted here.
So, I agree, we'll leave it in the OP's hands. If she actually loves this child she adopted 14 years ago, and wants help, we're here and more than willing to help find resources for this child. In the same token, if the OP comes back and continues to ask how to give up the child she took as her own, without attempting to help that child, then the OP deserves everything we've said, and more.
But rather than help, we attacked. I'm sure we will never see her again due to our attacking nature.
The child of the OP is someone we may see in the headlines of the news in the future. Mother charged in her 2 small children's deaths
Rather than trying to help the OP with the problem we attacked. This is a very real problem with children who are born addicted.
Yes, she did post that she wanted the adoption overturned. However, we could have approached our responses differently rather than just jumping to conclusions and getting all parental.
Maybe this was better in the Mental Health forum?
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