Ask Me Help Desk - Tired of Insecure Husband

We've been married 6 months (together 3.5 years), and I feel like I'm already headed to divorce court. The problem I'm having with my husband is his constant questioning, rude comments, jealousy, and just insane amounts of phone calls during the day.
Prime Example: Yesterday, after my son & I got home from shopping, he call the house. He then proceeded to ask me 4 times "who's there with you?" No one was there, but I guess the first time answeriing wasn't good enough. He always asks questions like that, when I'm out to lunch at work, he's always like, who's with you? Where are you going? Why do you always have to go out to lunch with your co-workers, I know you don't have any men in the car with you! Now he's jealous that I've made friends with a female coworker and is always constantly questioning our friendship. She and I went out after work one day, and you would have thought I committed a cardinal sin. He was constantly calling my phone, asking who were we with, who all was there, (we were in a restaurant), it was just crazy! After I got home that night, all I kept hearing was that my new friend is going to be the cause of our marriage being ruined... when in actuality it's him! When I'm at work, he calls me at least 10-15 times a day, and then complains that I never call him enough. He gets me so angry at times, all I can think about is leaving him. I never want to have sex with him any more, because I'm so unhappy, but according to him, it's because I want to be with someone else, never his fault. He makes me so angry sometimes, that all I can think about is leaving him. His jealous rants are driving me crazy and I am tired of arguing all the time, especially in front of my son. Counseling was suggested by him, and we went, but the very next day, we were back to the same old thing. I could on and on, but what's the use... I just need some help and advise.

Okay I am going to break down your entry alright?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unhappy Wife

We've been married 6 months (together 3.5 years), and I feel like I'm already headed to divorce court. The problem I'm having with my husband is his constant questioning, rude comments, jealousy, and just insane amounts of phone calls during the day.This is not normal behavior for a new husband...have you had any history of cheating before?
Prime Example: Yesterday, after my son & I got home from shopping, he call the house. He then proceeded to ask me 4 times "who's there with you?" No one was there, but I guess the first time answeriing wasn't good enough. [COLOR="Blue"He should have only asked once...it sounds like he dosen't trust you or listen to you. He always asks questions like that, when I'm out to lunch at work, he's always like, who's with you? where are you going? why do you always have to go out to lunch with your co-workers, I know you don't have any men in the car with you! Now he's jealous that I've made friends with a female coworker and is always constantly questioning our friendship. She and I went out after work one day, and you would have thought I committed a cardinal sin. He was constantly calling my phone, asking who were we with, who all was there, (we were in a restaurant), it was just crazy! After I got home that night, all I kept hearing was that my new friend is going to be the cause of our marriage being ruined........when in actuality it's him!! Sounds like he is jelous of your new friend. When I'm at work, he calls me at least 10-15 times a day, and then complains that I never call him enough. He gets me so angry at times, all I can think about is leaving him. I never want to have sex with him any more, because I'm so unhappy, but according to him, it's because I want to be with someone else, never his fault. He makes me so angry sometimes, that all I can think about is leaving him. His jealous rants are driving me crazy and I am tired of arguing all the time, especially in front of my son.How old is your son? I am glad that you reconize that arguing in front of your son is unhelathy. Does he accuse you in front of your son? Counseling was suggested by him, and we went, but the very next day, we were back to the same old thing. I could on and on, but what's the use.....I just need some help and advise.

From what it sounds like you are in an emotionally controlled abusive realtionship..has he ever put his hands on you in a violent manner? Does he yell at you alot and put you down? If so you need to get out of the marriage. I am usually all for saving a marriage...but if he is like this now..what will he be like ten years from now?

Quote:

Originally Posted by robertsqueen

Okay I am going to break down your entry alright?

From what it sounds like you are in an emotionally controlled abusive realtionship..has he ever put his hands on you in a violent manner? Does he yell at you alot and put you down? If so you need to get out of the marriage. I am usually all for saving a marriage...but if he is like this now..what will he be like ten years from now?

Yes, he has been physical, and we yell often. He never puts me down, just always accuses me of wanting to be with other people.

Have you flat out asked him why he doesn't trust you?

Maybe you need to lead his thinking a little bit by asking him if he really believes you want sex with someone else? Or asking if he really believes that you're having a lesbian affair with your female co-worker.

Sadly, without trust the marriage won't work. Maybe he'll work through it if you help him think it out. If he can't get past it, the marriage is over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unhappy Wife

Yes, he has been physical, and we yell often. He never puts me down, just always accuses me of wanting to be with other people.

Never accept this.
Pyshical abuse is unacceptable and you should never accept it.
Emotional abuse is -it goes without saying- also unacceptable, but there you can try to talk sense into someone, give them a second chance.

The minute somebody abuses you physically they overstep a line.
They abuse once, say they are sorry and they will very likely abuse you again...

Don't accept it.
Just don't.

You are the one who has to set boundaries here.
For yourself.
And for your son.

You only have one life... don't accept this behaviour.
There is never an excuse for physical abuse.
Never.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unhappy Wife

Yes, he has been physical, and we yell often. He never puts me down, just always accuses me of wanting to be with other people.

One has to wonder what he was like before you married him. Was he this way? Has something other than marriage changed? Does he work? How can he call you this often if he does work?

Being physical with you is an absolute deal breaker. Physical abuse can, and usually does, escilate.

Now, you say you went to counseling once. Once does not even cover the bases. Counselling can take years. At the first appointment the counselor is just meeting you, this is usually the initial consultation. They do not get to the root of the problem for many many many sessions. You cannot expect things to change one iota after just one session.

Next time he puts his hands on you call the police. Period. Is this something that you want your child to see? I hope not. You have a young impressionable child. Do what is right for that child. Get out of this physical and emotional marriage.

The emotional tends to damage more than the physical. Physical scars heal, emotional scars take much longer to repair. Remember that your child is being abused through what your husband does to you.