Ask Me Help Desk - Are we in love?

Are we in love?

On December 22, 2012 my brother asked me if I wanted to go to a party with him and my cousins. I hardly ever go places and ignoring the fact that I was the only girl I decided to go. As the night went on things started to get rowdy and my boys ended up fighting. So we then decided to go home. On the way home I decided to ride with my 2 play cousins. Their grandmother has been friends with my grandmother for over 50 years, so we call them family. But anyway, since the police were hot out I decided to spend a night at their house. My brother's and cousins were all there too. But I decided to sleep in the room that was the least occupied which was my play cousins room. We began to talk about all of his awards that he had displayed around the room then we started to watch TV. As I began to lay down at the foot of his bed, he encouraged me to lay at the head of his bed with him. I disagreed then agreed once he insisted. I had fallen asleep then I was awakened by him reaching under my cover. I moved his hand at first, but then I started liking it. So he then pulled me into his arms and we started kissing. Then we had sex. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a dream until reality hit the next day.

From that day on we have been secretly having sex for the past 8 months. As long as I have been knowing him. He never gave me the impression that he liked me. He knows that we hang around the same people everyday. He still comes over. But we still keep our relationship a secret. He's 5 years younger than me (he's 19 and I'm almost 24). We hardly ever talk anymore. It's like he wants to tell me something but never says it. He looks at me then turns away. I catch him staring at me from the corner of my eye. I really love him but being that he is young I know he sleeps around. That's why I can't be with him at least not now.

What would you do if you were in my situation? Do you think he loves me? We've known each other all of our lives. Do you think he made a move on me because he has had a big crush on me for years? He knows that there is no way that I would exit his life. Our whole lives just about revolve around each other.

Goodness. You are 24 and should have some sense of how to communicate feelings by now. Look him in the eye and tell him that your feelings are more than sexual and that you don't want to continue with 'just sex' because of that.
Being 19 doesn't mean he has to sleep around. He might be in love with you. I'd think you would want to know.

At first advance I think you should have got up and gone home, no let me rephrase this, when you agreed to lay beside him did you not think twice given how carefully you explained the family relationship?

Your 'play cousin' has now upped the 'play' time and to be quite honest you should not be playing this game with him.

You have been having 'sex' with him for 8 months and 'you hardly talk anymore'. That 'speaks' volumes to me and should to you too. I just hope you are not pregnant because the cat would be out of the proverbial bag then there would be a lot of talking.

tickle, they aren't related.

Sounds like 'booty call' You 2 never talk. You have no idea how he feels about you. You both keep your relationship secret. Your whole post is about the sex. I'd be giving him some ultimatums.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

tickle, they aren't related.

I know they aren't related, joy. The whole family have been close for years apparently as OP explained. So why destroy a dynamic like that by fooling around. The 19 year old probably doesn't even realize what he has gotten 'into'.

He had sex with you the first time because you let him. At 19 sex is on his brain, you should have known better, now after 8 months of sex and no talking, you want to know if he's in love? No! He enjoys the sex with no need for relationship or even conversation. Put a stop to this!

OK I'm odd person out here. Please let us know what you find out - if you try to find out. If you won't ASK him I certainly hope you stop this.

You're not the odd person out tickle I agree with you.
I don't understand how you can be having sex with someone for 8 months and not know what's going on especially since you let it happen.

I think its all about the enticement guys have with 'having an older women' when they are young. Most of the time they are bragging to the guys... or they keep it secret... either way its not about you but what 'he scored with an older woman', So you need to give him an ultimatum that you communicate and have a real relationship or its OFF.

She doesn't want a relationship with him, she just wants to know why he made the move. He's a 19 year old boy and you continued it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

At first advance I think you should have got up and gone home, no let me rephrase this, when you agreed to lay beside him did you not think twice given how carefully you explained the family relationship?

Your 'play cousin' has now upped the 'play' time and to be quite honest you should not be playin this game with him.

You have been having 'sex' with him for 8 months and 'you hardly talk anymore'. That 'speaks' volumes to me and should to you too. I just hope you are not pregnant because the cat would be out of the proverbial bag then there would be a lot of talking.

First off I would like to say thank you for all of the responses good & bad lol. I would expect reactions like that with my situation. But no I'm not pregnant. But I'm asking because I'm not that experienced when it comes to a relationship. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20 years old. My play cousin is the 2nd guy I've ever slept with he knows that as well so he may have played on that. Leaving the room with him that night never crossed my mind. I have the right to be confused. I know nothing about if someone is in love with you. But I guess it is just sex. I'm fine with that. I just wanted to know where I stand in his life before I move on. I love him. But not enough to get dogged out. Im new to this. So I may act a little dumb. & that's fine with me. There's always room for improvement. But I guess I'll ask him how he really feels. Im tired of going off actions. It was my idea to keep it a secret in the first place. So I can't fault him for that.

This concerns me - "but being that he is young i know he sleeps around .." Not all young men sleep around.

I trust you are protected from pregnancy and STDs because I think you are a booty call and he cares little about the aftermath of the sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This concerns me - "but being that he is young i know he sleeps around .." Not all young men sleep around.

I trust you are protected from pregnancy and STDs because I think you are a booty call and he cares little about the aftermath of the sex.

Thanks your answer helped me out a lot. Lol. -_-

Sure, come back and let us know when you're pregnant or have an STD - lol.

Having only a little experience with sex is not an excuse for having this guy feel you up while you were sleeping and then letting him have sex with you that night and continue to do it. For one thing, this creep took advantage of you while you were sleeping. You should have slapped his face. This is not sexual inexperience, it is immaturity. What were you thinking to allow this to happen and then continue in it?
You need to leave this little punk alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Having only a little experience with sex is not an excuse for having this guy feel you up while you were sleeping and then letting him have sex with you that night and continue to do it. For one thing, this creep took advantage of you while you were sleeping. You should have slapped his face. This is not sexual inexperience, it is immaturity. What were you thinking to allow this to happen and then continue in it?
You need to leave this little punk alone.

I so totally agree !

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She doesn't want a relationship with him, she just wants to know why he made the move. He's a 19 year old boy and you continued it.

Whether she wants a relationship or not as you say she shouldn't be letting it happen. Girls often read love into sex, while guys are just playing. Not sure why OP wants to know his motives because anything short of mutual love they are 'using' each other for sex.

Its just secret sex. You were already close and comfortable but the sex has confused the whole thing (For you at least, he doesn't sound confused at all) and the secrecy doesn't help. If he sleeps around then you are just another sex partner for him. And that's where you stand in his life, one of many option for sex.

See how easy that was to figure out?