My nephew is very curious about all things sexual. My daughter is not. We have caught them several times doing inappropriate things and my daughter always says he told me not to tell. My sister expects me to punish my daughter for not telling but I don't feel that's right. She was coerced to do something and threatened and she gets punished?

I can't believe that your nephew is involved in sexual play with your daughter and your concern is whether to punish your daughter for not telling.

I am the adult survivor of rape. How are you protecting your daughter from her repeatedly "curious" (your word) daughter?

I'd worry less about punishing anyone and more about getting professional help for both children plus you and your sister.

If CPS finds out about this you can say good-bye to your child.

Protect your child!

You both need to join forces and get help for both kids, and stop this inappropriate behavior on both their parts. They are kids that need the right guidance NOW. That it has happened more than once is a failure of the adults to take the appropriate actions in the best interest of the children.

I agree with Tal.

At this age curiosity is natural, and normally not sexually based. I'll show you mine if you show me yours probably started with Adam and Eve's kids. It's what you do now that can set the tone for their entire lives.

First, I would not punish for this. I would sit both of them down and give them the "Your body is your body, your private parts are your private parts, and no one has the right to touch you without your permission. Also, you're way too young to give that kind of permission".

Be positive about it, make sure they know that they're not bad, but what they're doing is.

They also need to be supervised more closely when they're together. This won't happen if their play is supervised by an adult/parent.

But, you and your sister really need to get on the same page with this. It's neither child's fault. If anything, it's the parents fault for not dealing with this sooner, and not monitoring the children more closely.

Good luck.

What the hell are you thinking - yet writing about? You so called parents should have handled this the FIRST TIME! Obviously both sets of parents need parenting classes. DO NOT EVER SAY CURIOUS. Didn't you teach your child as early as one about touching (good/bad), read about how to explain sex to children? It is NEVER TOO EARLY! You two sets of parents are unbelievable. Do you not watch the news? It seems you are Embarrassed about sex and how to talk to your child.

They need to see a child psychiatrist. DO NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN - ever. Punishment - unbelievable. If you do not handle this correctly the first time around, you may cause emotional trauma and issues with this children.

My 7 year old granddaughter was raised by us on our ranch. We always talked to her appropriate about private parts, touching, strangers throughout her little life. She is outspoken, knows boundaries and not embarrassed to talk about her body and boys. She uses proper names for body parts - Vagina, Penis, etc. Are you embarrassed to use these words.

Your generation is so deep in denial and uneducated regarding children and personal issues - no wonder we have nothing but sexually aggressive teenagers.

Grandma

I did not nor have I ever punished her for these things. Every time it has happened I sit down and explain to her that little girls and boya don't do things like that. I also tell her they no matter who is envolved she can always come to me. My sister on the other hand takes it to the extreme and punishes him and expects the same from me. The conflict we then have is that they were both involved and the way I look at it is she was told to do something and then threated with punishment fron me for tatiling... im just unsure on how to approach my sister with my thoughts on the matter. She is very sensitve when it Comes to these matters due to her past rape history.

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Originally Posted by jeep2005

What the hell are you thinking

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While I agree with some of what you have said You go way too far. This is not an easy thing to handle without scarring the children for life. You need to tone it down. The OP is obviously conflicted and asking for help in dealing with the situation and does not warrant your yelling at her.

PLEASE don't listen to jeep2005. Most of her answers so far have been flamingly inappropriate.

I think you should keep contact between the two families to a minimum while you sort this out, and keep your nephew and daughter from being alone together. Without any fuss of course. You seem to be handling it very well. How to handle your sister is going to be much harder. She needs understanding but also needs some counseling, I think. Do you think she would see someone, even just 2 or 3 times?

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Originally Posted by Camron1228

I did not nor have i ever punished her for these things. Everytime it has happend i sit down and explain to her that little girls and boya dont do things like that.

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Well here's the problem I have with this. See the part I bolded. How many times has this happened? Curiosity is natural, but allowing this to happen multiple times means that things need to be escalated.

Why does your daughter continue to listen and do what her cousin says after you have made it clear its not good behavior. Why does your nephew continue to do the same thing he has been punished for? Why are these two allowed to be alone together?

What you need to deal with is not the sexual curiosity, but the defiance or orders on how to behave.

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Originally Posted by jeep2005

My 7 year old granddaughter was raised by us on our ranch. We always talked to her appropriate about private parts, touching, strangers throughout her little life. She is outspoken, knows boundaries and not embarrassed to talk about her body and boys. She uses proper names for body parts - Vagina, Penis, etc.
Grandma

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An outspoken grandchild? Wonder where she got that?

And a note to Grandma - get off the ranch now and then. Might do you good.

I am not certain that making a big deal out of sex education, good touching and bad touching, is healthy, either - over the top is never good. Your other posts appear to indicate you were abused. Abuse which caused your sister to kill herself.

Maybe you are too close to the subject, that's why you are ranting on this and other threads.

Thank you everyone for the support. When I say "everytime it has happend" its only happened one other time before this. After things calmed down I sat them both down and explained how inappropriate this type of behavior is. I have set boundries in place and when together they will never leave my sight. Hopefully this won't happen again.

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Originally Posted by Camron1228

Thank you everyone for the support. When i say "everytime it has happend" its only happend one other time before this. after things calmed down i sat them both down and explained how inappropriate this type of behavior is. I have set boundries in place and when together they will never leave my sight. Hopefully this wont happen again.

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That makes a BIG difference, so its happened just twice? How was it dealt with the first time?

She punished him. I sat down with my daughter and explained how inappropriate it was to behave lkke that. This was over a year ago it happened.

Here is my problem - the question was posted as "We have caught them several times doing inappropriate things ..."

Now it's two times.


The question was about how the sister (mother of the male child) thought the female child should be punished.

Now it's about something else.

Obviously the talking didn't change anything. Let other females who have been subjected to assault or rape answer, possibly from another direction, of course - from my experience the female child needs to be protected and that takes whatever form it takes from constant supervision with the children are together to the children not being together.

Simple curiosity? Once. More than once with "don't tell" warnings signal trouble.

I see the daughter growing up with low self esteem or not knowing where to draw the line when it comes to boys and men and touching.

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Originally Posted by Camron1228

She punished him. I sat down with my daughter and explained how inappropriate it was to behave lkke that. This was over a year ago it happened.

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It was over a year ago it happened the first time? And then happened again recently?

Judy makes a point, if you expect us to be able to help, you have to tell us the full story. How many times it happened and the time frame it happened are significant facts that we need to properly advise you.