Ask Me Help Desk - Is it me, or am I crazy

Is it me, or am I crazy

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. Like every relationship it has its up and downs. Things have started to go downhill recently. First I found out he had profiles on dating sites, which got me really upset. I asked him about it and it turned into a fight. I told him how I felt and in the end he told me that he didn't want anyone but me and actually was tearing up. We hugged and kissed each other and promised each other we would work on our relationship.

Next day went OK. He took me out to eat and to a movie everything was great. Next day I was in our room looking at paperwork and he's phone started to go off. I got his phone to see if it was a call and it was a text message saying "still want to message". I text back asking who it was and I got a text saying it was Tina. I asked if they had meet up she said no but she could come to him or him to her. I was so mad and hurt that I woke my boyfriend up yelling my head off. I finally got him to tell me the truth. He said they were texting all day the day before. I was even more hurt because there he was texting this girl all day and he comes home acts like nothing and takes me out. But what hurts the most is that a day or so before that he promised with tears in his eyes that he was going to work on our relationship and wasn't going to do anything like this again.

Now things don't feel the same. I feel uneasy around him. I don't what I should do? Please I need some advice. Many of my friends and family think I over reacted when I tossed him out.They say texting isn't cheating. I think it is cheating.

Advice for what? He is cheating on you.

Agreed. Even if there has been no physical cheating I wouldn't tolerate emotional cheating. If you accept that then it is only a matter of time before something without you becomes physical.

Lying cheaters get kicked to the curb permanently. Anything else is just crazy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Lying cheaters get kicked to the curb permanently. Anything else is just crazy.

And don't hope you can "change" him and get this relationship back on track. He's shown he isn't interested in doing either of those things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

lying cheaters get kicked to the curb permanently. Anything else is just crazy.

I've kicked him out but won't leave the house is under both our names and we have a 1 year old son. Even though he's there I'm doing my own thing.

He tells me what he did isn't cheating. To me it is I'm not trying to change him he showed me that he's not willing to do anything.

A house together AND a child? Have you two ever discussed marriage? What are his (and your) long-term plans for your relationship?

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Originally Posted by wondergirl

a house together and a child? Have you two ever discussed marriage? What are his (and your) long-term plans for your relationship?

we were making plans to get married, he's never done this before that's why I'm stunned, we even managed to operate a family owned business. In the past 3 years we have done many great things together, I never saw this coming honestly.

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Originally Posted by vameragirlsa

we were making plans to get married, hes never done this before thats why im stunned, we even managed to operate a family owned business. In the past 3 years we have done many great things together, i never saw this coming honestly.

I am going to be nice with this one. Wake up. You have only caught him recently. You don't know how long or how many girls he has done with this. He lies and you can't trust him.

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Originally Posted by oliver2011

i am going to be nice with this one. Wake up. You have only caught him recently. You don't know how long or how many girls he has done with this. He lies and you can't trust him.

okay I'm not asking advice on rather I should stay with him or not, I'm just wondering if I over reacted like everyone says I did.

I can only speak for myself. I don't accept cheating on any level. But that is me. You have to do what is right for you. But if you work it out having a trust by verify relationship can add stress to any relationship.

Sorry you are so deeply invested in him, which makes his behavior even worse in my view. But stunned as you are, you better protect what you have on your own, and not just sweep this under the rug. Maybe a cooling off period, maybe you can talk, maybe you can set better boundaries of good behavior, but for now though I doubt your feelings change and will always see this as cheating. I would, and I would protect myself.

In short it would be smart to know your own rights concerning the house and the business you run with him, and the welfare of your child going forward. Then you can exercise your best option based on facts, and not just stunned hurt feelings.

Handle your business and cry later.

DO NOT marry him until you are sure he is not 'flirting and trying to meet up with other girls. Like Oliver said about getting caught, often guys will hide it really well and then get to a point they get careless and sloppy. Did you over react, probably, but he deserved every bit of it. His friends and family aren't the ones that have to live with it and they are going to be biased.

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Originally Posted by n0help4u

do not marry him until you are sure he is not 'flirting and trying to meet up with other girls. Like oliver said about getting caught, often guys will hide it really well and then get to a point they get careless and sloppy. Did you over react, probably, but he deserved every bit of it. His friends and family aren't the ones that have to live with it and they are going to be biased.

I'm pretty sure that this can lead to actual contact. Hes told me that he never wanted to meet up with anyone. So I don't know what to think.

The fact that he is leading them on to 'possibly' meet up is red flags to me, even if it isn't his intention.