Ask Me Help Desk - My ex girlfriend bumped into my parents today

My parents told me that they bumped into my ex girlfriend and her mom at the store today. My mom said they were trying to hide in the aisle, but they eventually caught up with each other at the checkout. My ex said hi and I guess she asked if I hated her because I haven't called her since the break up. They said no. Then she told them we can still be friends.

So as I've been trying to establish no contact she's told her cousin to say hi and ask how I was three times now, and she's talked to my parents trying to make some kind of contact through them. Why can't she just call me and stop beating around the bush? She broke up with me, so I'm not sure if I should call her or just wait for her call.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZiggiZaggi

My parents told me that they bumped into my ex girlfriend and her mom at the store today. My mom said they were trying to hide in the aisle, but they eventually caught up with each other at the checkout. My ex said hi and I guess she asked if I hated her because I haven't called her since the break up. They said no. Then she told them we can still be friends.

So as I've been trying to establish no contact she's told her cousin to say hi and ask how I was three times now, and she's talked to my parents trying to make some kind of contact through them. Why can't she just call me and stop beating around the bush? She broke up with me, so I'm not sure if I should call her or just wait for her call.

Do u still want to be with her or want to be friends with her? If u do then call her!

Well... first of all your parents don't need to hide from anyone.

Second, what is your intention? How long have you been broken up? How long were you together?

I'm guessing the no contact is driving her mad. She might really miss you. She might want to see how you are doing. She might want to know she's doing better than you. She might need the ego boost to know you are still there for her.

Generally, id say if the breakup was anywhere in the last year or two, to just ignore her attempts... she might just be ticked you aren't beating her door down and she misses the attention.

If its been longer, its your call. Just remember, just because she wants to talk to you doesn't mean she has your best interests in mind. I think its possible for ex's to be friends. My wife has a good friendship with her HS sweethheart. It can happen. Most of the time, it doesn't or shouldn't.

So again, how long has it been, and what is your goal here?

Hey Zig, Stay on your course, keep with the no contact. Don't worry about what she tells any one, not even your parents.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1187654

For people who don't know your story.

If she wants to talk to you, she knows how to get in touch. Unless she contacts you directly, ignore it. Don't send responses back through these messengers. What kind of game is that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

well... first of all your parents dont need to hide from anyone.

second, what is your intention? how long have you been broken up? how long were you together?

im guessing the no contact is driving her mad. she might really miss you. she might want to see how you are doing. she might want to know shes doing better than you. she might need the ego boost to know you are still there for her.

generally, id say if the breakup was anywhere in the last year or two, to just ignore her attempts... she might just be ticked you arent beating her door down and she misses the attention.

if its been longer, its your call. just remember, just because she wants to talk to you doesnt mean she has your best interests in mind. i think its possible for ex's to be friends. my wife has a good friendship with her HS sweethheart. it can happen. most of the time, it doesnt or shouldnt.

so again, how long has it been, and what is your goal here?

Oh, sorry... it wasn't my parents hiding, it was her and her parents trying to hide. My parents didn't really care. I think my ex was worried of their reaction because my dad was really pissed at the reasons she gave for the breakup.

We've been broken up for about a month now. I've done the no contact thing since we broke up and the last week or so she's been sending me messages through "messengers." At this point I'm not really even interested in getting back together in a serious relationship, but I wouldn't really mind a friendship. Any feelings I had for her are long gone now. But again, I don't want to call her and seem like I'm desperate or anything, because I'm doing fine without her.

OK I get it. Her clan was hiding. Well, she should try to live her life so she doesn't have to hide for the things she's done. Don't know the whole story...

Her seeking you out is probably looking for emotional support, a little ego boost. I think its natural. I've been in a great marriage for a time and I still, now and then, wonder if my ex's ever think about me, and hope they do a little. I hope they've moved on (they have), but id like to think I made some impression on their lives.

So I think the messages are just feeling you out. She might not be trying to play with you. She might just be a little lonely and wondering if you still have feelings. Again, I think its normal. Or she could be setting you up.

I think id be as kind as I could. Not burn bridges (im NOT telling you to hold on to anything, just be decent as you can). Maybe someday down the line after you've both moved on you can talk now and then. I have two ex's whom I never talk to, but would happily talk to once in a while to see how their family is, etc. the third ex, she could drop off the earth and I wouldn't have missed anything.

Most here will say don't call. You have to make that choice. If you do decide to make contact, id be brief and not do much more than "check in" and then check out. Its not in your interest to be her best friend. And id let her know you'd rather not talk for some time. She broke it off. She chose this.

Ziggi,

You have been broken up for a month, and she broke it off with you. You also say that any feelings for her a long gone...

Are you sure that the feelings may still be there, but you are trying to get over them by telling yourself they are gone? I would just advise you to be sure that your feelings are gone, so that you don't get caught up in a game that she may be playing. You wouldn't want her to know you still held something for her, and use that against you. Im sure you don't want to be hurt again...

Just something to think about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

ok i get it. her clan was hiding. well, she should try to live her life so she doesnt have to hide for the things shes done. dont know the whole story...

her seeking you out is probably looking for emotional support, a little ego boost. i think its natural. ive been in a great marriage for a time and i still, now and then, wonder if my ex's ever think about me, and hope they do a little. i hope theyve moved on (they have), but id like to think i made some impression on their lives.

so i think the messages are just feeling you out. she might not be trying to play with you. she might just be a little lonely and wondering if you still have feelings. again, i think its normal. or she could be setting you up.

i think id be as kind as i could. not burn bridges (im NOT telling you to hold on to anything, just be decent as you can). maybe someday down the line after youve both moved on you can talk now and then. i have two ex's whom i never talk to, but would happily talk to once in a while to see how their family is, etc. the third ex, she could drop off the earth and i wouldnt have missed anything.

most here will say dont call. you have to make that choice. if you do decide to make contact, id be brief and not do much more than "check in" and then check out. its not in your interest to be her best friend. and id let her know youd rather not talk for some time. she broke it off. she chose this.

That kind of made me angry that she tried to hide from my parents. What's there to hide from? It's kind of a cowardly move in my eyes.

I have a feeling her asking about me is just getting assurance that she still has the upper hand in the whole relationship, and that I'll break down and call her. At least that's what I came out of it thinking. So far I haven't broken down and called or even asked her cousin how she's doing. I'm basically acting like nothing ever happened.

I feel I have moved on completely and she can't handle it. Almost like the tables have turned on her and she's trying to get me back in a way?

Maybe it is best for her to make the call, because I don't want her to get the wrong message by me calling her. I'm more than willing to be a friend but I'll let her make the next move. It's probably the best thing I can do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sypher373

Ziggi,

You have been broken up for a month, and she broke it off with you. You also say that any feelings for her a long gone...

Are you sure that the feelings may still be there, but you are trying to get over them by telling yourself they are gone? I would just advise you to be sure that your feelings are gone, so that you dont get caught up in a game that she may be playing. You wouldn't want her to know you still held something for her, and use that against you. Im sure you dont want to be hurt again...

Just something to think about.

I'm not just saying that, I know they are gone. At first I was heartbroken, but I've grown so much over the last month. I barely even think about her anymore and if I do, it's not about the relationship.

I'm not going to let her string me along like I have a feeling she wants to.

To be honest, I'm jealous of that feeling.

It has been a while since I've broken up, and I'm still waiting for that time.

I agree with the other posters however, beware of games :)

For get about her and find you another girl,the next girl is always better? Sometimes?

You are over her in 1 month? Teach me!

Why would you even want to be friends with an ex. You need to get more friends if you need a friendship from someone who f*ked u about. Maybe if it was amicable, you were friends before the relationship or something similar then after a while when the emotional dust has settled... Personally though, an ex is an ex for a reason. I have more self respect now. I won't get mucked about by someone who is supossed to care for me, what a waste of space.