Well we started to date a little over a year ago. Before we
Met I had been living the single life for almost 4
Years. I had my heart broken from my H.S. sweetheart
She was my first love and I didn't want to let anyone
Else in.

I finally I fell in love again with my Ex , I messed
Up. I didn't take our relationship seriously in the
Beginning. This caused our first break up. We got back together a couple
Weeks later, but I thought things were over for good after many attempts
To get her back, the pain was unbearable
And in the middle of that first break up I went out with my previous ex
And we ended up hooking up. I totally regret doing this, I was drunk and
Hurting and would never do this again. Especially if I thought we would get back.

This caused our second break up. I told her what I did
While we were not together. She agreed to come back if
We went to canceling. This helped for a bit and kept
Us together for several months, I totally became
Serious in our relationship at this point, but she went the opposite
Way and began to shut herself off to me and
Kept thinking about what I did during the second break
Up and broke up with me a third time even though this time I did
All that she asked of me.

We would still hang out just to be together, but we didn't have
The title of bf/gf. Well in that time she was still
Angry with me and would bring up the past all the
Time.

Well recently she told me she thinks it's best if I
Don't contact her anymore. I agreed and within a week
She called back to have sex with me. Sorry, I just
Couldn't resist... It's been over a week since then
And there has been no word from her.
Will I still have the same effect of getting my ex back
If she is the one to call off the contact? I have tried not
To contact her, but in a moment of weakness I have
Texted her and left a message on her voice mail.


She also has major trust issues from past relationships.
I appreciate any help you can give me. I love my Ex very
Much and want her back in my life. What can I do?

I think she's done with you but attracted to the security of knowing you are there for her whenever she wants.

I know you love her. But I'm thinking she's just taking a little longer to work you out of her system.

I dated a girl for almost 7 years... the last year or so was so screwed up. We really needed to go opposite ways, but she liked the attention and I wasn't ready to give up. Wasted time.

Basically, unless she genuinely wants to be with you, and with the number of breakups and issues, I don't think its going to work out, all you are doing is deferring pain. You and her.

I know you want to hear how to win her back. I think she's gone. She's just using the comfort of knowing you are still there to get through this rough patch. At some point shell be done needing the comfort, and you'll be no closer to getting over her, unless you are the one to move on yourself.

That was brilliant advice from Kp above...

Ditto that advice, she is using you as a comfort blanket while she deals with letting go. I don't think she will be back but then I don't know for sure..

For your own good and hers leave each other alone. You both have two many issues with each other and no communication so the best thing would be to move on and work on yourselves. This will get worse the more you put it off.

Thanks for all your feed back. Do you think that over time she may at least contact me again? Or that if I hold off contacting her it would be OK to call again in a month or two?

Well, my wife is good friends with both her HS sweetheart and her ex-fiancee.

But she had to live without them in her life for quite some time, and move past the "what-ifs"... so can it happen? Yes.

Its just an ugly, difficult line to walk. Sometimes, not most of the time, people can reunite and hit it off again. Much of the time, its just better to live your own, separate life. If the friendship is still there down the road, well that's a good thing.

I can't tell you that you'd never get back together. I can tell you that you might spend a lot of time wishing for something that may not happen... and that might mean wasted time. Which then means an even longer wait to find something right.

So do the best you can to simply move on. You don't sound desperate, but you sound anxious enough about this that it makes me think you aren't over her and you are still looking for a chance. And I think there were enough problems that it really is probably better to move on and give some space.

Your right, I'm not over here. In fact, I really have a deep love for her and would love to have her back, but I don't want to do anything to cause her grief. I'm trying to keep my distance for now, she was also my best friend, so it's really been difficult. I'm hoping that in time she'll give me another chance, but I'm doing my best to move on.. It's deffinitely not easy.. What is the best to heal a broken heart?

Quote:

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What is the best to heal a broken heart?

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Building a life that you enjoy without her and doing things you like to do with people you like doing things with. As you build this life and find happiness, your pain will lessen and you will be emotionally healthy, and see things for what they are, not what you want them to be. You will also learn to love yourself and know yourself, and where you would like to be in the future. Over time you will be able to deal with the hurt feelings in a positive way.

I have been broken with my ex now since early feb. I am feeling a lot better now, it sux being alone and relying on yourself but it is great to do this! It makes you stronger and wiser!

Learn from this and concentrate on improving your life as others have said. Join the gym and start new hobbies. Meet new people! Before you know it she won't be there in your life anymore :P

Takes time and a lot more looking forward than back.

After a 6+ year relationship that absolutely crashed it took me well over a year to be "right" again. And almost another to start dating.

But I had my head up my arse. Tried to hold onto something that wasn't there. Just meant I delayed the pain till later. And the healing. And the moving on.

Big thing is to know is that you just need to find a way, every day, to walk away a little more. If she really wants to be with you, she's got a lot to prove and she has a lot of work to do. Anything less and you're kidding yourself.

So... you are in the same boat as most everyone else here has been. Sucks now. Will suck less later. Promise.

You need to stop thinking about her, forget calling her and don't hope she calls you. It's over, get back to seeing friends and the things you like doing.

In time you'll find someone new and see that your doing better without her.

Stay away from her. She's just using you and that isn't fair on you. You seem a nice person an she shouldn't be allowed to get away with hurting your feelings and using you for sex or when she wants some affection. Delete her number from your phone or even change your number and the temptations to text or ring will gradually fade away. You deserve better. X

Cassie, this thread is over one year old...