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-   -   Girlfriend's family is demeaning and abusive. What can I do to help her? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=758817)

  • Jul 18, 2013, 09:53 AM
    goodnightjon
    Girlfriend's family is demeaning and abusive. What can I do to help her?
    "Maybe they're right...maybe I am a loser who's not doing anything with my life. I really HATE myself. Maybe the world can do without me."

    That's what my girlfriend texted me late last night. Before that, she called, sobbing on the phone because her younger brother has been insulting her publicly on social media. She's 25, lives with her parents and has been taking time off school to figure out what she wants. In the meantime, she also suffers other self-esteem issues - she's overweight. While I think she's incredibly beautiful (most beautiful girl in my opinion) she still thinks of herself as a fat failure who just ends up driving people away.

    What can I do to help her?

    Sometimes I feel like the more I tell her, the more she just sinks and believes her family. Not to brag, but I'm an intelligent guy who knows what he loves. I consider myself a good judge of quality. But I feel like the more I try and comfort her, the more she just gets into this depression and listens to her family. I feel as though they are even perhaps jealous of our happiness and threatened that I am not of the same ethnic background. Thanks for your advice!
  • Jul 18, 2013, 09:59 AM
    N0help4u
    Keep encouraging her, get her away from them as much as possible. One day she will see she is better than all they say and do
  • Jul 18, 2013, 10:08 AM
    Oliver2011
    You know I look at this a little differently and granted it is only my opinion.

    "Before that, she called, sobbing on the phone because her younger brother has been insulting her publicly on social media."

    Is her world ending it because of this? No. Will everyone who reads this believe what the little brother says? No. I was a little brother and it is what we as little brothers do.

    "Maybe they're right...maybe I am a loser who's not doing anything with my life. I really HATE myself. Maybe the world can do without me."

    These are attention seeking statements. You should be supportive, yes. But if you continue to give her attention when she says these things she will continue to raise the bar to the point where she is threatening suicide. I don't believe in giving attention to these kinds of statements. It almost sounds like she is 25 going on 12.

    With these types of people I really dish out the attention when they do something positive. That way you can coach/train her that she gets your attention through positive actions and/or statements.

    Again others will probably see this differently. It is just my opinion.
  • Jul 18, 2013, 10:25 AM
    N0help4u
    You are right she probably does need to learn to not be so sensitive but it can be hard when that is your everyday environment. Then if its your parents siding against you with a baby brother that has got to be tough.

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