Hello everyone, my name is Pat and I stumbled upon this site purely by accident because I was looking up the definition of a deadbeat and I really thought my brother's picture would be next to the definition; however it wasn't and according to wikipedia the reference referred to a deadbeat parent. I'm a mature adult with four adult children, sixteen grandchildren and one great grand. I have three brothers and one sister. The deadbeat brother is the baby and he acts as though the whole world owes him a living. He just takes and takes and never gives anything back. He borrowed $200 from me in October, 2012 and was to pay me back in two weeks--well needless to say he hasn't and apparently he has not intention on paying. This is a nice way to get things off your chest without hurting anyone's feelings---as for my brother he has an outreach ministry program and he seems to think that gives him a license to beg. I don't have a questions I just wanted to introduce myself and tell how I located this site.

Hi, I learned the hard way that you can't help everyone. Now when people like your brother ask for anything I tell them ($200.)Or whatever is owed up front or don't ask me for a dime.

I say be happy if money is the only problem between you. We love our siblings unconditionally but we don't have to like them or their lifestyles. They are the dearest of family members and only your kids can hurt you more.

I am also a mature woman with children and many grandchildren and a baby brother I CANNOT help. But it doesn't really matter now does it because as mothers we want to help and help ad nausuem.

Now back to brother. Since our brothers are younger (mine 7 years) somehow I felt it my responsibility to get him off alcohol and drugs. He only grew to despise me. So now, seeing your question, the lights are coming on. I only have to take care of myself and part of my immediate family.

Hi Pat, you did at least pose a problem, and this is a 'Ask Me' site rather than a chat board, so I guess I'll throw in my two cents about your brother.
You can let the $200 fester in your mind, or you can let it go, or you can demand it back now with promises to steer clear of him until he pays, or you can try the below. I'm sure you have thought of all of these, but here goes.

The 'license to beg' in the name of doing good does not include license to abuse the goodwill of family. Tell him that you will give to the charities of your choice, not under pressure or as the result of devious promises that's it's just a loan. Save what you are going to say for the next time he wants to borrow, and make it very emphatic and final, hopefully with the rest of the family around. File it away in your mind until then, the very back of your mind.

I'd tell him how you feel - you don't need to be confrontational. He borrowed money, you need it back.

It was never a gift.