Ask Me Help Desk - Insecurity and trust?

My husband and I have been together going on 5 years. The first few years were great with a few problems with insecurity on his part. Here's just a few things he does. If I am out he has to call me every minute, or texting me a lot asking me if there is guys around me, if they are checking me out, if anyone had talked to me.

I am not allowed over someone's house if they are married. He's afraid their husband will hit on me. I have a playdate for my son coming up he said I hope its not at anyone's home cause I won't have you disrepect me. I love my husband but I don't think he sees all this control that he puts on me. Usually I just go against what he wants because I feel no man has control over what I can and cannot do.

I just need other peoples insights on if I am crazy or does he really need help and is this normal? He tells me everyday no one else knows the whole story. I've never cheated on him, always respected him. I'm at the point of no return.

He's a control freak.

You're not crazy, he is. Yes, he needs help, but I doubt he'd get it, that's something he has to choose to change, and it doesn't sound like he will.

Good luck, you need it.

Start offering for him to go along. Even though he probably wouldn't tale you up on it it may ease mind that you are where you say doing what you said.

I would advise he get help if he will not agree to boundaries of good behavior. You are not crazy, he may be. 5 years he has been this way? The second time he did such a thing should have been his notice.

I agree totally with all comments made.

I doubt that prior to marriage there weren't signs.

You are not crazy, but I have to wonder why you put up with it?

Hello I am momforlifes husband. I just wanted to tell my side. I love my wife very much for the last year or so my wife has really made me feel unloved. I am in love with her so I try to be that way, wanting to hold her hand, wanting to be affectionate, tell her how much I love her, be Intimate.
These days my wife never wants to hold my hand , she tells me I am being stupid like a teenager for wanting to do that . She use to shower me with affection , now there is none. The other day she told me that she can't stand me because she's tired of hearing me tell her that I love her all the time. These things have made me very insecure in my relationship and her feelings for me . When she gets mad at me she will call me names like fat, ugly , loser and while I have called my wife names when fighting , nothing like that where she tried to get personal. After hearing these things all the time and with the way she treats me now , yes I do Amit to everyone and to her that I am insecure about her love for me. Back when it seemed like she was more in live with me. When I would go to the gym or somewhere she would always ask me if any girls were around me, the very thing she is accusing me if doing. She just seems not to care anymore to even ask and yes I do admit I will ask her things like that. My wife is very beautiful, and guys are always hitting on her. The way she makes me feel makes me very insecure and those kind of questions just pop out just like they use to with her.
I work all day and my wife doesn't , she's out and about all over town everyday , I don't control her actions at all. Sometimes I will ask her things like recently I asked her please not to go into our neighbors home alone when me or his wife aren't around. I don't think that's asking too much as a husband , but she flipped on me saying I don't trust her.
Everyday all I want is to shower my wife with love and affection like we use to be and she just has no interest in me. She even moved out of our marital bed and is sleeping with her son after being in our bed for 4 years. At first it was because I was having a snoring problem for a little bit, but I have asked her to try something's with me to over come it and she has no Interest. Yes I do ask her things because of insecurity , but I think anyone would be a little insecure if there wife called then these names all the time and showed no interest in them physically.
She does give me sex when I want but I have to ask for it, she never comes on to me at all . She also has threatened to cheat on me multiple times. I try to tell her this is the reason I am this way but she doesn't hear it. Am I wrong in some of the things I do sure I admit that, but it's not over someone who treats me the right way and is great to me. I wish she would love me back the way I love and care for her but the names and threats are all I get these days. I just wanted to get a little piece of my side of the story out there and to show how being told your hated everyday, fat and ugly and never made to feel loved can make you very insecure and do insecure things when you are in love with someone , thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dadforlife

Hello I am momforlifes husband. I just wanted to tell my side. I love my wife very much for the last year or so my wife has really made me feel unloved. I am in love with her so I try to be that way, wanting to hold her hand, wanting to be affectionate, tell her how much I love her, be Intimate.
These days my wife never wants to hold my hand , she tells me I am being stupid like a teenager for wanting to do that . She use to shower me with affection , now there is none. The other day she told me that she can't stand me bec she's tired of hearing me tell her that I love her all the time. These things have made me very insecure in my relationship and her feelings for me . When she gets mad at me she will call me names like fat, ugly , loser and while I have called my wife names when fighting , nothing like that where she tried to get personal. After hearing these things all the time and with the way she treats me now , yes i do Amit to everyone and to her that i am insecure about her love for me. Back when it seemed like she was more in live with me. When I would goto the gym or somewhere she would always ask me if any girls were around me, the very thing she is accusing me if doing. She just seems not to care anymore to even ask and yes I do admit I will ask her things like that. My wife is very beautiful, and guys are always hitting on her. The way she makes me feel makes me very insecure and those kind of questions just pop out just like they use to with her.
I work all day and my wife doesn't , she's out and about all over town everyday , I don't control her actions at all. Sometimes I will ask her things like recently I asked her please not to go into our neighbors home alone when me or his wife aren't around. I don't think that's asking too much as a husband , but she flipped on me saying I don't trust her.
Everyday all I want is to shower my wife with love and affection like we use to be and she just has no interest in me. She even moved out of our marital bed and is sleeping with her son after being in our bed for 4 years. At first it was bec I was having a snoring problem for a little bit, but I have asked her to try something's with me to over come it and she has no Interest. Yes I do ask her things bec of insecurity , but I think anyone would be a little insecure if there wife called then these names all the time and showed no interest in them physically.
She does give me sex when I want but I have to ask for it, she never comes on to me at all . She also has threatend to cheat on me multiple times. I try to tell her this is the reason I am this way but she doesn't hear it. Am i wrong in some of the things I do sure I admit that, but it's not over someone who treats me the right way and is great to me. I wish she would love me back the way I love and care for her but the names and threats are all I get these days. I just wanted to get a little piece of my side of the story out there and to show how being told your hated everyday, fat and ugly and never made to feel loved can make u very insecure and do insecure things when you are in love with someone , thanks

Tomorrow I will write everything about my marriage. I wrote a few things n he's trying to throw me under the bus. So u will hear everything tomorrow.

Sounds like you both need to come to an understanding, get counseling or give up.

There are always two sides to every story.

Sounds like both of you are having issues, and neither one of you knows how to handle them.

There's very little anyone on this site can do for you, we're not conselors, and that's what you both need.

Quote:

Originally Posted by momforlife

Tomorrow I will write everything about my marriage. I wrote a few things n he's trying to throw me under the bus. So u will hear everything tomorrow.

Not trying to throw you anywhere , I wanted to defend myself from what I felt was an unfairness attack without all the facts . If you feel the need to have a bunch of strangers hear out messy details then go ahead, all I ask is that you be honest . I will take honest for honest all day long . I love u and really wish this didn't have to be like this .

As Long as you both play the blame game, and have animosity toward each other your relationship is doomed. You need to let go and give each other a fresh start. I think you even need to start with going out on dates and looking at each other with your first attractions.

Yes, it is not working, but no, no one should be controlling, and he has no right to tell you where you can go. I agree, you need counseling to get though this, if there is even hope to save

Quote:

momforlife: Tomorrow I will write everything about my marriage. I wrote a few things n he's trying to throw me under the bus. So u will hear everything tomorrow.

Quote:

Dadforlife: Not trying to throw you anywhere , I wanted to defend myself from what I felt was an unfairness attack without all the facts . If you feel the need to have a bunch of strangers hear out messy details then go ahead, all I ask is that you be honest . I will take honest for honest all day long . I love u and really wish this didn't have to be like this .

I find it extremely sad that both of you came here to bash the other, to make sure that your side of the story is the one that's believed.

I also find it very sad that instead of talking to each other, you're posting all your dirty laundry on a public site for strangers to decide what you should do. For strangers to tell you that you're right, that it's not your fault.

You sound like a bunch of children, and I don't know how the two of you stayed together this long if this is how you handle your marriage and the problems in it.

Momforlife, if you want to be right, then leave him, get your own place, and hope that being right is enough to make you happy.

Dadforlife, your insecurity is your own problem, and frankly it's causing problems in your marriage.

I think the big question is whether the two of you want this marriage to work. If not, then stop beating around the bush and end it already. Obviously neither one of you are happy with the way things are right now.

If you want it to work, you'll have to work for it. Get marriage counseling, work on the issues you both have.

Neither one of you are innocent, so stop pointing fingers at each other, and start pointing them at yourself.

Holy crappies that would drive me insane. What happens if you don't answer the phone?

Never mind. I just read y'alls game. I don't care anymore. This is probably the most you two have talked in a while. You should try it in person. It can do wonders.

Some of these people might not be annoyed by you two wasting their time. I do. Good luck to you both.

How about a cooling off period, then get a qualified mediator. Or is the need to be right overshadowing the need to listen? There are no winners when hurting one another and the need for revenge.

You both have personal issues to be worked on individually. After the emotional dust settles, and the right adjustments, are made. Maybe you can talk and not squabble.

Alty said it right bashing and having to be right. It ALL has to be put. Behind you.