Ask Me Help Desk - I'm 13 and I need help! Please!!

I'm 13 and I need help! Please!!

My name is Hannah. I am 13 years old. For about the past month and a half I have been in this state where I go from down in the dumps to utterly depressed. Why? It's going to sound strange but I don't want to grow up. You may be like "What!? That's not a problem. Get over yourself". But just hear me out on this and tell me what you think would help. PLEASE?

So to start I have an amazing relationship with my undivorced parents and younger brother. I would most of the time tell them anything and everything about school or dance or my friendships or my grades or anything! I really want to be able to talk with my mom about my sadness (she's really easy to talk to and understanding). I know in my heart of hearts I just can't though.

I don't want to grow up. Every time some one refers to me or some one my age as a young adult my stomach begins to hurt and I feel a big lump in my throat. I cry about this often. I have memories of being younger and spending summers with my mom and brother and everyone's unconditional love and I have memories of Santa and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny and I want to bawl because I know that those times are near over and I am not ready to be mature and treated like a young adult as I should be. I prefer to wear my child sized clothing instead of my more adult like clothin or I may purposefully watch Disney channel instead of Mean Girls to try and show my parents that I am still their KID not their TEENAGER. In fact today we had lunch at my house with my family and my aunt and her husband and their two younger children. I "jokingly" poured my coke into a siipy cup- like cup and for the thirty minutes that they were here it actually (and I am more than embarrassed to say this) comforted me and made me feel happy. While they were over I also watched as my six year old cousin dressed and acted so mature and I literally wanted to shake her and scream "Be as six year old while you can!!!! I would kill a person to be treated and be allowed to get away with the silly things you say and do".

These are not all of my feelings. They aren't even half. But I hate having to cry myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I hate crying right now as I am writing this! I just want to be happy and excited about growing up like my friends and peers are. I am starting high school next year and I don't want to go in like this:utterly depressed. I want to fix this now in 8th grade and be able to enjoy my life and maturity.

I understand this is not a big problem to you all but at this point my unhappiness and depression are too much right now.

Some one help! >email address removed per site rules<

Thanks :(

Do you have a goal in life?

What scares you most about growing up? Is it a fear of losing something/someone?

If there is nothing in your life that might have caused you to be depressed, then I have a feeling that you might have a hormone imbalance associated with puberty. Have you started menstruating, and if so, can you say when it started and when this sadness started?

My daughter cried from 2 yrs old to about 16 that she wanted to stay a little girl and never grow up. She was always sad and depressed. Now she is grown has a family of her own and happy. Just enjoy your life the best you can and things will get better. You might be low on some nutrients like some of the B vitamins and minerals that affect mood

Talk to your mom and let her help you through your emotional roller coaster. You have been doing so before, so why stop now as you go through this very normal growth period where things are just different. You have a good mom, you know it, so go to her and explain. She will know how to help you cope with things you don't understand as she always has.

She is probably waiting until YOU are ready.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zea

Do you have a goal in life?

What scares you most about growing up? Is it a fear of losing something/someone?

I guess its fear of losing the total ability to be whatever and whoever I want. As an adult I have to put up fronts and face things that may be extremely hard to handle. I feel as though once my childhood is gone that my parents will give me more and more independence and that scares me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

If there is nothing in your life that might have caused you to be depressed, then I have a feeling that you might have a hormone imbalance associated with puberty. Have you started menstruating, and if so, can you say when it started and when this sadness started?

Yes. I started early (11) while most of my friends started at 13 or 14 so I was always insecure about that. I have been insecure my entire life (I have times in .my life where I'm feeling less insecure though) and as I started junior high last year myself esteem has gone down dramatically and I am sure my mom has seen that in me. She consistently worries about me. But I have a feeling the insecurities are part of my issue too. I can honestly say that I have always wanted to be younger than I am. I remember playing games with my friends and always wanting to be the baby or younger sibling in our make believe games. My hunger to be younger than I am has obviously gotten extremely strong over the past 6 months. Thank you so so much for replying and trying to help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

My daughter cried from 2 yrs old to about 16 that she wanted to stay a little girl and never grow up. She was always sad and depressed. Now she is grown has a family of her own and happy. Just enjoy your life the best you can and things will get better. You might be low on some nutrients like some of the B vitamins and minerals that affect mood

Yes! I have for my entire life wanted to be younger than I am. I am not sure if I am physically unhealthy regarding your comment about vitamins and minerals. But I can assure you that my parents are totally organic and have been supplying me with healthy foods and environments since the day I was born. I also do my best to exercise daily which helps get my mind off things a lot. Thanks for trying to help!! It means so much

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Talk to your mom and let her help you thru your emotional roller coaster. You have been doing so before, so why stop now as you go thru this very normal growth period where things are just different. You have a good mom, you know it, so go to her and explain. She will know how to help you cope with things you don't understand as she always has.

She is probably waiting until YOU are ready.

I don't want to talk with her because if I am not sure if she still views me as her kid or as her adolescent. If she views me as her kid I don't want to tarnish that by telling her about my problem. I want her to see me as her kid for as long as possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hannahbraisley

I don't want to talk with her because if I am not sure if she still views me as her kid or as her adolescent. If she views me as her kid I don't want to tarnish that by telling her about my problem. I want her to see me as her kid for as long as possible.

I am 67and still my mother's kid. She is 89. (I just called her long distance to ask for her chicken salad recipe.)

My KIDS are 42 and 38.

(Psssst, you NEVER stop being your mother's kid.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by hannahbraisley

I don't want to talk with her because if I am not sure if she still views me as her kid or as her adolescent. If she views me as her kid I don't want to tarnish that by telling her about my problem. I want her to see me as her kid for as long as possible.

You would know for sure how she sees you if you talk to her and get real fact instead of what if's. Then you both know what's on the minds of each other. You would have a clear understanding, and not confusion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You would know for sure how she sees you if you talk to her and get real fact instead of what if's. Then you both know what's on the minds of each other. You would have a clear understanding, and not confusion.

I know. I just feel like I am not at the right mental and emotional level to sit down and talk with her about all of this yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hannahbraisley

I know. I just feel like I am not at the right mental and emotional level to sit down and talk with her about all of this yet.

And when will that be?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I am 67and still my mother's kid. She is 89. (I just called her long distance to ask for her chicken salad recipe.)

My KIDS are 42 and 38.

(Psssst, you NEVER stop being your mother's kid.)

Ok :)
And yes I agree with that 100%
But even if I am my mothers kid until I am 100 years old I still must reach that point in my life where I get a job and support myself. Even though my mom will always see me as her little girl forever ghat doesn't mean she'll always be there tucking me in at night or helping me with homework.
I have to be a grown up eventually and as I mature faster and faster I realize those times are around the corner.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And when will that be?

I begin high school next year. High school parties and drivers licenses and a job and colleges. Even the stuff I should be excited for scare and worry me

Quote:

Originally Posted by hannahbraisley

Ok :)
And yes I agree with that 100%
But even if I am my mothers kid until I am 100 years old I still must reach that point in my life where I get a job and support myself.

But there is so much fun in that! I loved high school and college and then job hunting and finding some really interesting jobs -- teaching and working in a hospital and working in two drug stores and working for an insurance company. And then having my own babies and doing my best to raise them like I had been raised. And my parents, especially my mom, were always behind me and advising me through everything, were always my soft place to fall.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And when will that be?

I don't know. I want it to be soon. I just can't get in the right headspace

“I guess its fear of losing the total ability to be whatever and whoever I want.”

No one should be allowed to have total freedom that is crazy!
As a kid/teen you are always expected to fulfill all the expectations and obligations in your life (like trying your best in school). So you've always been expected to be your best.

“As an adult I have to put up fronts and face things that may be extremely hard to handle.”

Beginnings are always challenging, but you will get used to it.

Don't let this upset you or make you cry.
Don't constantly think about it or it will ruin your day. Just go to sleep thinking like, “wow! Today was a great day!” And don't think about tomorrow or after tomorrow…
I'm not saying that you should ignore it, but you should talk about this with your mom. You will feel better.

Fears and phobias, in some cases, are exaggerated (ex: chromo-phobia); you will grow out of it when you learn how to view this situation as another life challenge, and nothing more.

You're obviously highly intelligent. Use that good brain of yours to carefully consider what has been suggested in these replies to you.

Do you keep a journal?

I use to be afraid of the next grade every summer school let out. I thought it was going to be like going from simple adding to geometry that is never understand. I thought 'turning' into an adult was going to be like some big event change from one day to the next. I learned tale one day at a time and appreciate it for what it is. It all worksout

... and Its rarely as bad as our fears

I reckon everyone wants to be/is a kid at heart. There's nothing wrong with being afraid of growing up; it's pretty natural I reckon. Your mother sounds very caring, you should tell her. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help you.

Hey I'm 13 too. I used to depress because I looked at the world like everything was bad. Open your eyes and look at the good things. Ask your ma to go to a spa day and talk it out. And if you don't give her hints, but don't self harm you'll regret when your 20 like my sister.