Help! Its very depressing. We both love each other a lot. We even planned our future of marrying each other and all. But now he say he does not want to be in a relationship with anyone. But he says everything will remain the same we will love each other, makeout, help each other and care. I was extremely shocked. I have had a miserable past. And had lost hope until he came in my life. I was reject and betrayed by a guy in past but this guy gave me courage and promised me that he won't ever breakup with me. Please don't tell me to leave him as its not possible. I completely devoted myself to him. And day and night have thoughts of suciding. But he said if I die his life will be destroyed because of the guilt. What should I do??

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Help! Its very depressing.. we both love each other a lot. We even planned our future of marying each other and all. But now he say he does not want to be in a relationship with anyone. But he says everything will remain the same we will love each other, makeout, help each other and care. I was extremely shocked. I have had a miserable past. And had lost hope until he came in my life. I was reject and betrayed by a guy in past but tjis guy gave me courage and promised me that he won't ever breakup with me. Please dont tell me to leave him as its not possible. I completely devoted myself to him. And day and night have thoughts of suciding. But he said if I die his life will be destroyed because of the guilt. What should i do??

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Starting with your past, please seek counseling to let the past go. Clinging to the hurt and pain while allowing it to affect your present day life is not healthy for you or any relationships you are in.

You cannot make someone else responsible for your happiness and well-being. He may have given you the courage, but you are the one who has to learn how to stand on her own two feet. If you don't, then he isn't a partner. He is a crutch. You need to heal and stand on your own. You need to be able to approach a relationship as equals.

You cannot hold someone to a promise to never 'break up' with you. Circumstances can change. So can feelings. Sometimes we find that we were meant to be friends instead of lovers.

It is time for you to stop 'devoting' yourself to him. You are using it as means to keep from taking care of yourself and rebuilding your own self-confidence and reliance. You need to take time to support yourself. Get involved in your own life. Find interests you enjoy. Meet new people, make new friends. Live your own life. Put energy into yourself instead of him or any man.

I do not know why he doesn't want a 'relationship' right now. Only he can tell you his reasons, but I can make guesses and give advice on what you have said. He may be feeling smothered. He may be needing space to be himself. He may be tired of trying to give you the support you need. He may have decided he can get what he wants (everything but a commitment) from you plus any other people he decides to play games with.

You won't like this but as harsh as it feels you need to hear it. Let him go. He doesn't want a relationship but he still wants all the perks. That isn't love. That is using someone. Do not allow yourself to become a doll he can play with when he wants. Have more faith in yourself and respect for the woman you are than to be his toy. As hard as it sounds, I highly suggest you find counseling and use No Contact as a means to move forward.

No Contact is stopping all communication with him. Do not send emails or texts. Do not call him. Do not follow him on Facebook, twitter or any other social networking site. Do not accept communication from him. End the confusion by putting your foot down and standing up for yourself. Remember that you are a wonderful and beautiful person. Nurture the positive thoughts about yourself. Your life isn't over because a man walks out. Your life is just beginning and you haven't met the person who will be there to build a strong and healthy relationship with you. Get yourself healthy so that when he walks into your life, you will be ready to be an equal partner.

Take care of yourself. Give yourself a chance. It may not seem like it now, but life will get better. However, you have to make the decision that you want it to get better. Please get help from someone who can sit down with you and talk face-to-face. We will still be here, but I think you need a physical hand to hold as you go through this.

Cat 1864 has given excellent advice. I think she has covered all bases

Pleasure seeking advice from you people.. but I don't think he cheated or is using me for his sexual pleasure as there are many girls after him. And he allows none to go close to him. He says it will be hard for him to cope up with me as he is going abroad. Anf doesnot believe in long distance relationships as his ex betrayed him.

Its time for you to stand on your own two feet and build a life for yourself. Be grateful some one was there to help you pick up the piece after a rough patch, but it your time for just you now.

Stay out of relationships for a while until you heal, and become healthy and do good thing for yourself. Start with a doctor visit and tell him of your suicide thoughts and let him guide you to a better solution.

This is but an opportunity to find your own happiness with YOURSELF. Take it, embrace it and go for it.

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Originally Posted by hi88

Pleasure seeking advice from you people..but i dont think he cheated or is using me for his sexual pleasure as there are many girls after him. And he allows none to go close to him. He says it will be hard for him to cope up with me as he is going abroad. Anf doesnot believe in long distance relationships as his ex betrayed him.

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This little bit of information explains so much. How long is he going to be abroad?

It doesn't change the advice to let go and move on. He may not be cheating or looking for someone new, but he is trying to keep you on a shelf while he does what he wants.

He doesn't believe in long distance relationships because he had one that didn't work. However he expects you to be there for him without the title or commitment. Either you are in a relationship and trying to make it work no matter what the hardships are or you are not and the 'making out' ends. Perhaps you can go back to being friends (being there for each other and caring), but friends do not 'make-out'.

His expectations nurture confusion. You do not need avoidable confusion in your life.

You still need to learn how to love and support yourself. Take care of yourself and good luck.

Being totally dependent on another person is not healthy, that is not real love and a real relationship, if he really loved you, he would want to be in a relationship.

This is a normal and a event that happens often, he is moving to be out of the relationship or free to see someone else.

You have to be able to live without him, before you can live with him.

Your dependency may even be a lot of the problem, he may want more freedom,

I offered him everything I had. I spent my years of saving to buy him a birthday gift. After we became friends. I am still in contact with him as I tried to leave him. But it was impossible. I have decided to stay happy if he is happy. I will always pray for his betterment. And have left everything on faith. THANKS A lot EVERYONE FOR YOUR VIEWS. :')

Faith is great, but taking action on your own behalf to help yourself is even greater. Never wait for another to make you happy, that's your responsibility.

You need to start working on your own betterment. Sounds like you are going to hang on to this guy for as long as he lets you. This is pitiful desperation. You need some counseling. This man or any man should not be the key to your happiness.

I honestly think that he is mad at something I did. I talked to my ex on messages and when he tried to read my messages I snatched the phone from him thinking he would get angry at me. I deleted the texts and then he became even more upset. Since then he is acting like this.. though there is nothing I am hidding from him.

Nd I have seen his love for me. Once I fought with him and was about to breakup with him. He became so upset. That the next day I got to know that he damaged his hand after I told him that I am leaving him.

It does look like you had something to hide, but what's done is done. He no longer trusts you. What's the reason you didn't include that tidbit of information in your original post?

Maybe he does not trust you and with him going abroad he does not want to have to worry about it. But I think all this hanging around and making out business anyway is just foolish. He either loves you and wants you or he doesn't. He can't have it both ways unless you allow it.
For someone to promise to never breakup with you is immature and for you to be so emotionally dependent on him is not healthy. Let him go away and you get some counseling in the meantime. When he comes back maybe you both will be healthier people.

Because I am not sure. But there is nothing to hide. My ex only asked me to meet him somewhere. I was afraid he would get out raged after reading my ex's texts.

Well he thinks there is something to hide and he does not trust you. Have you had this conversation with him? Maybe you should.

We did talk. He kept on saying that ' why did you delete the texts if there was nothing fishy going on.. ' and now he says, 'you are free now, do whatever you want, talk to whoever you want, just stay happy and safe.. if you want we will makeout,hugg.. otherwise we won't.'

Then you need to leave him alone. I certainly would not be making out with him. Get some help. Being that desperate is not attractive.

I guess its my fault that he does not trust me as once, I said ily to my ex while dating my current... and he read my messages but did not say anything..

Regardless of it being your fault, you don't have to put up with his terms. He does not want to be with you anymore but you can be his friend with benefits. That sucks! You are better than that.

I guess you all are right..