>Threads merged to keep all information and advice on this relationship in one place.<

Please Help I'm so misserable right now and I don't have anyone to talk to about this pain.

Im a lesbian who's in a relationship with a girl 20 years old and I'm turning 20 in 3 months. We've been together for 2 years and I love her to death, she was the only one who loved me this way. We are so comfortable to each other like wer not ashamed on any ugly sides we have.
The problem is her Family, We've been together secretly and we ddnt find it difficult but her relationship to her parents is crap. Until now, in our 2 years last month it started that her parents was so good to her, they are really close to each other now but the sad part is she's sometimes losing her love for me because she's more happy at their home.

She was breaking up with me last night she told me sometimes she don't love me that much and she realized that she's the only girl in her family and
Doesn't want to hurt her parents anymore cause they will never accept us especially me that I am a lesbian.
She doesn't want our relationship to get longer more cause she don't see "us" in our future, what she sees is that we are breaking up in the future because wer really not meant to be esp her parents is against.
We cried so much together she told me she loves me so much but she don't know what to do and confused cause ahe loves her family more.

Please help its really killing me inside I don't know what to do I told her that Its okay to me to wait for years until her parents accept me. We talked that we stay quiet and wait for the right time until we live together when we have our permanent job.

After last night she sent me a
Long message, she told me to hold on to her because when it comes to her parents she is weak and don't know what to do but she really loves me
A lot, she told me we wait for few years until we can afford to live together and her family to accept me , she's sorry that I am the one who's always hurting and sometimes she take it for granted cause she's happy with her family having a movie at their home together.

Please please help me I feel so miserable I don't know what to do I feel so weak I haven't eaten since yesterday and I don't show up at
Work because its really killing me inside. I love her to death, I am willing to talk to her mom one on one and convinced her that we are not doing anything wrong and I would do whatever she wants just don't let us break up cause I love her daughter that she's like my world :(

Hi, Me and my girlfriend been together for 2 years. There's a problem that her parents dislike me cause I am a lesbian.

I saw a sign that my girlfriends feeling are changed, that she's not into me that much anymore like before. She won't do any risk for our relationship. & when I start talking things to her like our future she seems to get annoyed at me. Even when she say things that I want to her e.g. she wants to be successful and have a permanent job so in the future even of her family won't expect us shel be sure that we can take care of ourselves together when we move out..

But at the same time, whenever she tell those things to me she get annoyed and tell me to stop asking so many question because she don't really know what might happen in the future like if her parents found out that wer still seeing each other and ask her to leave me, She will really break up with me and her reason is that cause she still lives with her parents and they're the ones who's giving her a home.

For me, I would do anything for her cause I love her to death but it hurts me because I can feel that her feelings have changed & though she tells me she loves me I cnt ignore the fact that Action speaks louder than words.

Before, she would do risk things for me like even if her parents are mad because she's seeing me, she would still find a way to see me. & last week we had a almost break up that she said she realize that she loves her family more than me and she wants to end it because her family won't accept our relationship we have. I am a lesbian and she's a girl. But I told her I'm willing
To keep quiet and wait for her even if it take 5 years.

Im a clingy person, I miss the old her. But now she always get annoyed at me & when I tell her that ita hurting me a lot and cry in front of her, shel tell me honestly that she don't feel anything. But she knew that she love me. Like last night I was so hurt and cnt take the pain so I punched the wall lots of times and my hand got purple bruises... cause of the arguments we had,

I told her, its hurting me that I love her so much, if I knew this was going to happen I should have let her go on our 3 months when she was trying to break up with me and told her that I wish I ddnt know her..

What should I do, its been almost a month that it hurts really bad I love her to death I do things that I try to make it worth but she won't do same things as I do I know she's really being unfair but I only ignore it because whenever she say that we need space, I cnt help it but to cry because I don't need one. What I only need is her to show affection and care for me at least for a whole one day.

PLEASE PLEASE HELP

If she keeps getting annoyed at you... is really all you need to know... why really isn't all that important... the lesbian aspect doesn't matter... it applies to everyone equally.

If thre was a good relationship, theywouldn't be getting annoyed frequently... once in a while... maybe... but not frequently.

And since its not good... maybe its time to start looking elsewhere... otherwise you are trying to force something that should never be forced. If it doesn't happen naturally.. then its not meant to be. Its going to end the same way... the only difference is how much time are you going to waste until it does.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

If she keeps getting annoyed at you....is really all you need to know...why really isn't all that important...the lesbian aspect doesn't matter...it applies to everyone equally.

If thre was a good relationship, theywouldn't be getting annoyed frequently....once in a while...maybe...but not frequently.

And since its not good...maybe its time to start looking elsewhere....otherwise you are trying to force something that should never be forced. If it doesn't happen naturally..then its not meant to be. Its going to end the same way...the only difference is how much time are you going to waste until it does.

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Thank you for your response..

Last week we almost had a break up, she was breaking up with me cause she do not see "Us" in her future that our relationship will end as the reason is her parents will never accept us. So she ddnt want to make it more longer than 2 years..
I cried so much and she did too. I told her I can carry all the pain for her but leaving me is not acceptable as I love her to death and willing to do and wait anything for her, that I want her to be with me for the rest of my life.

But now, how do I start a talk about her feelings have changed for me for not getting her to get annoyed at me.

Im so depressed and desperate to get the old her. Sometimes I think of seeing a new girl and start to move on but it only gives me pain as for me she's the one. Im willing to sacrifice anything for her just to prove to her that whatever happens along the way I won't give her up.

But, she would not do the same things. ;(

Sounds like she wants to be on her won to work her goals without anything or anyone holding her back. Sounds like she feels being with you is holding her back or taking her off course but she doesn't want to deal with the guilt you probably made her feel by insisting she not break up.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Sounds like she wants to be on her won to work her goals without anything or anyone holding her back. Sounds like she feels being with you is holding her back or taking her off course but she doesnt want to deal with the guilt you probably made her feel by insisting she not break up.

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Yes your right, But what should I do?

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Originally Posted by anon21

Thank you for your response..

Last week we almost had a break up, she was breaking up with me cause she do not see "Us" in her future that our relationship will end as the reason is her parents will never accept us. So she ddnt want to make it more longer than 2 years..
I cried so much and she did too. I told her I can carry all the pain for her but leaving me is not acceptable as I love her to death and willing to do and wait anything for her, that I want her to be with me for the rest of my life.

But now, how do I start a talk about her feelings have changed for me for not getting her to get annoyed at me.

Im so depressed and desperate to get the old her. sometimes I think of seeing a new girl and start to move on but it only gives me pain as for me shes the one. Im willing to sacrifice anything for her just to prove to her tht whatever happens along the way i wont give her up.

But, she would not do the same things. ;(

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I have to ask... how old are you both... I'm guessing its prety young.


Because something you learn... people change before their early 20's they change a LOT... you do too, you just don't notice it.

But the old her is gone... it will never be back... there is an old you too... others would see it but you won't notice it... its gone forever too.

EDIT: I see now they are 20... right in the middle of when most people undergo HUGE changes in their lives. THe biggest ones they will go through other than becoming a parent.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I have to ask...how old are you both....I'm guessing its prety young.


Because something you learn...people change before their early 20's they change a LOT...you do too, you just don't notice it.

But the old her is gone....it will never be back....there is an old you too....others would see it but you won't notice it...its gone forever too.

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She's 20 and I'm turning 20 in 3 months. I just cnt accept the fact that the way she loves me has changed a lot, and it hurts to read her letters for me from last year because all of a sudden everything she just said has no meaning if what she was trying to show me is that wer really not meant to be and in the future we r going to break up. :(

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Originally Posted by anon21

Shes 20 and im turning 20 in 3 months. I just cnt accept the fact that the way she loves me has changed a lot, and it hurts to read her letters for me from last year because all of a sudden everything she just said has no meaning if what she was trying to show me is tht wer really not meant to be and in the future we r going to break up. :(

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You are just moving in differing directions, happens to a lot of people at that stage of life... no easy way to do it... but the sooner the better... you grieve... you get over it and then you move forward with your life.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

You are just moving in differing directions, happens to a lot of people at that stage of life......no easy way to do it...but the sooner the better...you grieve...you get over it and then you move forward with your life.

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Thanks so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. Have a good day.
I hope I can help myself to move on soon and be strong.

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Originally Posted by anon21

Thanks so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. Have a good day.
I hope i can help my self to move on soon and be strong.

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You will find it gets easier each day... if you focus on a hobby or something that takes a lot of thought to do... you will find you will get over it a lot faster. Because you won't be dwelling over it.

Hi, please someone help me what exactly I am going tru I have no one to talk to about this problem.

First of, I have a girlfiend and wev been together for 26 months, my girlfriend is 20 yrs old and I'm turning 20 in a month. Our relationship is not that easy due to family issues, I am a lesbian but for us it doesn't matter as long as we love and respect each other.

My family likes my girlfriend a lot, even if I don't tell them that 'shes my girlfriend' I know they knew as we are always together and we lock ourselves to my room for a quality time. My family is very close to her that whenever we are out for a family dinner my mom never forget to invite her. And I'm happy for it.

But on the other side, my girlfriends family hate me, dislike me as if I don't exist. They knew that I have a relationship with her daughter but since lasy year July 2012 I stopped going to their house, my girlfriend won't let them see us together anymore like I always have and had to hide from them. It got to the point that my girlfriend tried to finish our relationship bcause she is having a good time with her parents and realised that she don't see me in her future.

Its really hurting me, I know the problem is me but I want my girlfriend to understand my side, whenever she tells me story about them how happy she was with her family outing I feel so jealous and broken inside but I don't let her see it, I act like I'm really happy for them. Its hard for my side like I always have to hide wenever I drop her off to her house and if I'm going to pick her up I always have to wait on the other street so her parents won't see us.

Its really hard for me because she will never know the feeling of this as she is always welcome to my house and family. Whenever I try to open these things up tp her she'll tell me as if I'm starting
To piss her off "What do you want me to do its my family"

I feel hurt that she don't understand my side. All I want was her to try and ask her mom if I can visit to their house as a friend. Cause I used to be close to her mom when they had no idea about are relationship but when they knew about us, its like I don't exist and I'm banned to their house.

Can someone please tell me what to do to be okay to visit to my gfs house without her parents getting mad at me :( its that I love my girlfriend a lot but its hurting me that she don't feel how its hurting me.

Why do you not be honest and call her girlfriend, it is a disrespect to her and the relationship to pretend it is something else. If she is a girlfriend, let family know

You need to start by having a serious, no emotion plain as day conversation with yourself. You need to know what is important to you. Once that is laid out, it gets a bit easier(not totally) but a bit easier to figure out who should be in your life- people who love and respect you and your choices, or sad narrow minded people who judge.
Find your happiness, no one else can.

' All I want was her to try and ask her mom if I can visit to their house as a friend.'

Don't you get it? It's too late for that. Her parents KNOW. There's no going back, no pretending. You can't have life the way you want it. Be glad for what you do have, with her, and with your family. Being jealous of her happy times spent with her family is going to ruin the entire relationship, and you will end up with nothing and no one.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

' All i want was her to try and ask her mom if i can visit to their house as a friend.'

Don't you get it? It's too late for that. Her parents KNOW. There's no going back, no pretending. You can't have life the way you want it. Be glad for what you do have, with her, and with your family. Being jealous of her happy times spent with her family is going to ruin the entire relationship, and you will end up with nothing and no one.

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Thanks for that I guess its just me that I need to help myself not to be emotional and act more mature person.

I went back and read your old posts. You have asked about this before! It doesn't seem like anything has changed.

I'm sorry to say that you sound very immature for almost 20. I realize that you had TB. I am a little hurt that I did a lot of research for you on the subject of emotional changes you felt since you started taking medications, and you said nothing about it after that. If you could address your medical situation, perhaps it will shed some light on your perpetual neediness and drama.

anon, you do not need to start new threads on this subject. Just keep adding to this one.

Keeping it all together helps us give you the most appropriate advice for your situation.

Thank you.

I'm confused, and probably missed a few key points here.

For a long time her parent's didn't 'know', but they do now?

But, are the two of you not broken up anyway?

Is the problem as you see it, her parents being the cause of the breakup?