I am 12 years old, I have depression. My mom criticizes my weight, as I am a bit overweight, I hear her call me fat. She criticizes my personality, as I am a tomboy and don't like to wear fancy or bright clothing. I have 4 other sisters, all older than me, and they don't get bothered by my mom and don’t care about how I’m feeling. My parents treat my brothers better because they're boys. I’m not allowed to visit my friend, or join a sport team or a club or some sort of activity because I’m a girl, as my parents say.

I used to think this was normal but since a year ago I started getting depressed. My dad is usually out, and when he comes back he smokes on his hookah and that’s it. I can’t talk to my parents about it because they keep ignoring me when I try.

My parents haven’t taken me to the dentist in almost 3 years. About a year ago I went to my health doctor and after taking a test I was told I had depression. When we left my mom screamed at me and wasn't at all sympathetic. I still get talked about and my mom says words to me and gives me looks and she just lowers my confidence and self-esteem. I feel terrible. I attempted suicide because of this. I tried cutting myself. I considered running away. I can’t take it anymore. She makes me feel like I’m ugly who isn’t worth it.

My parents never act proud of me whenever I get some special award so I just say good job to myself. I get compared to my cousins, my mom says how I’m an embarrassment and how I’m not like my cousins. She and my dad wonder why I’m depressed and won’t get that it’s their fault, they never apologize if they hurt my feelings. When I cry in front of my mom she tells me to shut up and that I’m grounded. She doesn’t care for me when I feel sick. I usually get ignored when I tell her I feel sick, other times she just says, 'it’s ok' and walks away.

Is this abuse? If so what kind and what should I do. Please help, I’m getting desperate!

Can you talk to your sisters? Is there a school doctor that you can talk to about your teeth and health concerns?

Hate to tell you this... but if you think that's abuse... wait until you are an adult...

Get treatment for the depression obviously.. but don't try to use it as a crutch to blame everything you don't like for, and don't try to use it as an excuse to get out of everything that you need to do. Lifes rough.. and its going to get a whole lot rougher than that.

Also hate to tell you... but have you ever heard the story about the boy that cried wolf?

Making a big deal out of everything will make everyone around you dismiss everything as just more of the same.

Seriously... Depression can be easily treated... and everyone gets depressed from time to time. And as a kid... you aren't going to get to do everything you want, anytime you want... and you aren't going to get explanations most of the time.

Ever adult has to do things they don't want to do all the time.. and rarely get to do what they want when they want to do it. You are almost a teenager.. and its going to get even more like this the older you get. Learning to accept things because that's the way they are... is part of growing up. And when you become an adult... you will learn very quickly you will still have to do what others tell you... when they tell you to do it.

Unless of course you are lucky enough to be born into Royalty and are heir to the throne... and even then they have to do a lot of things they don't because they have to... and that's the way it is..

Bu seriously... be more accepting and be less of a drama queen about everything... and you will find they will listen the most when you really need them to listen. We call it "pick your battles carefully".

They really do care... talk to people that were in foster-care as children... you have it good right now.

If you want to hear stories of real abuse... I could tell you some that people I know went through...


Particularly as you get older.. you will see the point I'm trying to make here... which I'm not sure I'm doing very effectively.

I am concerned that she is being abused. I have heard many stories of the youngest or the oldest being the black sheep. They are made to eat off the floor, sleep with the dogs, worse case. I have a feeling she is not telling us how bad it really is.
http://emergingfrombroken.com/how-ch...of-the-family/

There has to be at least 7 of you children, because you have 4 sisters and more than 1 brother... how many? All living at home? Are you the youngest?
That's a lot to raise, support, feed, shop for, drive places, and be responsible for. Your parents don't hit you or lock you in a closet, or deprive you of food. Abuse is very much the wrong word here. You feel neglected, and probably are emotionally, but certainly not in any legal sense. Your depression sounds 'situational,' meaning that it's not something wrong with your brain chemistry to begin with, you just are unhappy about your circumstances. That means it would respond well to talk therapy, and since your parents won't and maybe can't afford therapy, you need to get support elsewhere. I would go on the Teen board and talk in more depth about how you feel. I don't see a legal issue in your story as written. I'm sympathetic! I had a mean, uncaring mother, and a sweet but distant father. I didn't appreciate how wonderful my dad was until after I was away from home. Hopefully you have some basis for love from him.
(PS: I did very well in school and didn't get praise or anything, and never expected it. Part of you has to grow up a little, and realize that you make your own way in the world.)

I still think she should talk to her sisters and see if they feel they are or were at any time treated like this. What is the relationship of OP to the sisters? Maybe if she has an older sibling that she can go to with concerns it might take some burden off the mother.
My concern is that she is being singled out as a verbal punching bag. We tell adult women not to put up with verbal abuse with their guy, but they learn to tolerate it from their mom as a kid to where its normal and we say no big deal.

She says her 4 sisters 'don't care.' Not sure if that's etched in stone or what.

Do "we" know where the OP lives, what Country? Sounds like somewhere where girls/women are second class.

And, yes, when parents aren't or can't be supportive, when children want/need more than parents can provide the children have to turn into the adults and find that support and encouragement somewhere else. Sometimes it's a sibling, sometimes it's another relative.

I had Grandparents and an aunt who were very special to me when my Mom could not or would not be supportive.

And I'm surprised that a diagnosis of depression went unreported/unaddressed.

Or perhaps the OP is extremely needy. I understand the age and maturity of the person asking the question but I doubt the entire cause of the depression is the parents or that it's all their fault. I also think if the parents are accused of being neglectful or cruel or abusive it is not unexpected for them to deny the "charge."

Of course, abuse needs to be reported to the authorities. I just don't think being called fat (although unkind) or not being allowed to join sports teams (which is sexist) reaches that level of "abuse."

And, Joy, your level of openness and honesty always floors me.

Since there does not appear to be a legal question, this has been move to Emotional Wellbeing.

Edited to add: To the op, please respond to this thread. Please do not start a new thread on the same subject.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

There has to be at least 7 of you children, because you have 4 sisters and more than 1 brother... how many? All living at home? Are you the youngest?
That's a lot to raise, support, feed, shop for, drive places, and be responsible for. Your parents don't hit you or lock you in a closet, or deprive you of food. Abuse is very much the wrong word here. You feel neglected, and probably are emotionally, but certainly not in any legal sense. Your depression sounds 'situational,' meaning that it's not something wrong with your brain chemistry to begin with, you just are unhappy about your circumstances. That means it would respond well to talk therapy, and since your parents won't and maybe can't afford therapy, you need to get support elsewhere. I would go on the Teen board and talk in more depth about how you feel. I don't see a legal issue in your story as written. I'm sympathetic! I had a mean, uncaring mother, and a sweet but distant father. I didn't appreciate how wonderful my dad was til after I was away from home. Hopefully you have some basis for love from him.
(PS: I did very well in school and didn't get praise or anything, and never expected it. Part of you has to grow up a little, and realize that you make your own way in the world.)

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I am the second youngest, but my parents take all my other siblings to the doctor and dentist. Why am I the only one?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Do "we" know where the OP lives, what Country? Sounds like somewhere where girls/women are second class.

And, yes, when parents aren't or can't be supportive, when children want/need more than parents can provide the children have to turn into the adults and find that support and encouragement somewhere else. Sometimes it's a sibling, sometimes it's another relative.

I had Grandparents and an aunt who were very special to me when my Mom could not or would not be supportive.

And I'm surprised that a diagnosis of depression went unreported/unaddressed.

Or perhaps the OP is extremely needy. I understand the age and maturity of the person asking the question but I doubt the entire cause of the depression is the parents or that it's all their fault. I also think if the parents are accused of being neglectful or cruel or abusive it is not unexpected for them to deny the "charge."

Of course, abuse needs to be reported to the authorities. I just don't think being called fat (although unkind) or not being allowed to join sports teams (which is sexist) reaches that level of "abuse."

And, Joy, your level of openness and honesty always floors me.

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I can't remember the last time I've gotten a hug or kiss from my parents. It's been a long time.

What things do they do that make you feel good?
What are some of the worst things your mom does to you besides talking rudely to you?

"I can't remember the last time I've gotten a hug or kiss from my parents. It's been a long time."


My mother is extremely cold to everyone except my youngest sister. Why? I have no idea. I cannot remember my mother ever hugging/kissing/encouraging my other siblng and me. That does not make her abusive.

If your siblings receive medical care and you do not you need to report this to the authorities.

IF she would tell us some more of the abuse maybe we could tell her if she has a case. Yelling, being singled out and lack of medical is all we have so far?
I am sure she has it worse than many, probably borderline but some specific situations and incidences would help.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

IF she would tell us some more of the abuse maybe we could tell her if she has a case. Yelling, being singled out and lack of medical is all we have so far?
I am sure she has it worse than many, probably borderline but some specific situations and incidences would help.

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Well I am not allowed to see my friends outside of school. I can't visit them. I don't think this part has anything to do with my parents: I am unhappy, I'm so lonely I can't even feel sympathy for others anymore. What's wrong with me? I always imagine myself being happy with everyone but in real life I don't even want to have friends anymore! Maybe I should give up..

Not beling allowed to run the streets isn't abuse... in fact you parents have the obligation to determine who you can and can't hang out with... and if they don't like them... there is usually a good reason for it.

THe kids that are allowed to run the streets as they want at your age are the ones that usually end up in trouble in a few years and the rest of their lives.

You are just starting to learn the life isn't always what you might think is fair... and you don't always get to do what you want... and it really doesn't change when you are an adult too.

We all have to do many things we don't like... when we don't want to do them. You take your pleasure in the things you can do. And with the people you are better off hanging around with.

Because your choice of friends in life plays a large factor in if you end up living in a trailer park with a criminal record.. or being in a country club living in a really nice house in a really nice neighborhood.

Lots of people think it shouldn't be that way... but there are many reasons it should be... and why it does matter. Because you are known to the world by the company you keep.

When you are an adult... you will most likely understand the logic your parents have right now. And no they probibly won't bother trying to explain it to you now because you either wouldn't be able to understand it or want to listen to it.

Part of the problem online is trying to sort out the facts. Your siblings go to the doctor and dentist but you 'never' do? This may not be true at all, to put it bluntly. At 12, we see time in huge absolutes of 'always' and 'never.' Most of us do/did anyway. I would want some proof.

Feeling unloved, now THAT'S something I and many of us can relate to. So tell us more.
It's possible that you are suffering from being next to the youngest.
Some studies have been done on birth order and the effect it has on personality and behavior, so maybe you could look into that online.
Your younger sibling may have been born at a very impressionable age for you, or perhaps needed extra care (?), and that is part of your feelings of a lot of love missing.

I haven't been to the dentist since I was 9, and I haven't been to the doctor since I was 10.

Finally today we got a letter from the doctor saying I needed my shots for 7th grade. I wonder whether my mom will take me to do them or not [i'm hoping she doesn't.. ]

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Originally Posted by arielmoon121

I haven't been to the dentist since I was 9, and I haven't been to the doctor since I was 10.

Finally today we got a letter from the doctor saying I needed my shots for 7th grade. I wonder whether my mom will take me to do them or not [i'm hoping she doesn't..]

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In a lot of schools they won't let you attend unless you have the required shots. While I admit it's a bad idea to not take you to a dentist at least once a year... its not unsual to not go to the doctor at that age unless there is a reason to go.

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Originally Posted by arielmoon121

Finally today we got a letter from the doctor saying I needed my shots for 7th grade. I wonder whether my mom will take me to do them or not [i'm hoping she doesn't..]

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Isn't a physical required too? My kids had shots and a physical for school when they were at certain ages.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Isn't a physical required too? My kids had shots and a physical for school when they were at certain ages.

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I seem to remember those were related to sports or other athletic activities... but its been a lot of years.