My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. He watches porn when I'm not around and even when I'm sleeping and it bothers me. I catche him watching porn when I get home early from work or see that he downloads them from the internet. We had talk about this many times. I told him that it's disrespectful and it makes me feel like I'm nothing. He said that it is a guy thing and I have no right to tell him to stop because he only watches it 4-5 times a month and it's his personal life. He also says that if I was skinnier it might help. I'm 5'4 and about 130 lbs. He tells me that I need to loose weight by working out and eat healthy. Also, he is very cheap, never wants to take me out to eat or buy me things because he says that it's waste of money and I already have everything. I know most of you probably would say that I need to dump him, but I love him and breaking up is so hard to do. I have no where else to go, but search for answer and supportive online

"He also says that if i was skinnier it might help. I'm 5'4 and about 130 lbs."
Of all your post that line really caught my eye.If you where looking at that line as if it was said by anyone else what would you think? To me that says he is trying to blame YOU for the fact he looks at porn.
Now I guess the question would be -- what do you love about him? The way he treats you?-- Savage

He only said that once when we fought about it, but it's been sticking into my head, it makes me feel like crap. Anyway, what I love about him is that he's shows affection when we are together and when nobody around, he doesn't smoke, doesn't do drug, and he doesn't drink excessively, he is close to his family, and he has goal to have a job w/in his major. But the thing is he tells me to workout everyday and just this morning I had a small cookie, he said don't eat it, eat something healthy! I asked him why can't I have a cookie, but you can. He said because he has better body.

Ok the porn thing shouldn't bother you, it is something some people just like, and rarely has any bearing on the relationship they are in. He is right to tell you it is his life and his decision. But the fat thing? If my partner said that he would be straight out of the door. THAT is disrepectful. If he says it again, just tell him it is your life and you will do what you like and eat what you like, like him with the porn. What an idiot.

Please get over his porn watching as this is a non issue. By your own words he does this privately when your not around. Don't take it personally as it has nothing to do with you. As for his telling you what to eat, whole nuther story, that's controlling and if you want a cookie have one. On this stand your ground and don't be controlled. I think it would be better if you both learned to express your feelings in a less confrontational manner.

I agree with Savage. He seems like he's blaming you, which sounds a bit immature.

I don't know what to say about this guy. The only thing I know is that anything you would do wouldn't change anything; he will continue to watch porn whether you like it or not...

Also, he seems to be really disrespectful and he doesn't seem to listen to what you have to say. Him telling you that you should lose weight is wrong. Him telling you that you have no right to tell him to stop watching porn because it's part of what he calls his "personal life". Well, you're part of his personal life too and he should have the least respect to listen to you and treat you well, instead of balming you and making you feel 'fat' when you're not even fat... :rolleyes:

You don't need a guy who proudly argues about his "guy thing", you need a guy who knows what respect is!

Just wondering, has he always been like this? 3 years?

No, it started and got worse when we lived together last summer (6-7 months) because I actually see what he's doing when I'm not around (I caught him when I came back from work/class early). When we have argument, he somehow would turn it around and make it my fault for starting the fight. He never said sorry to me once. I'm the only one who had to apologized and try to over the fights.

All I'm going to say is Love is about respect and communication. If he doesn't respect you and accept you how you are it's clear that he doesn't love you. If he doesn't understand that you don't like him watching porn he isn't the right man for you. I know you love him but you can find a Better Man! Good Luck :)

Porn isn't the issue here. Respect for your relationship is.

I know you love him and its hard to leave because of that. you need to love yourself more.

Period.

There are several things in your post that show he is immature at best... this guy isn't doing the work it takes to make a relationship good. And yes, even great relationships need some work and effort.

And I'm telling you, its NOT going to get any easier. Unless he has some incredible revelation, I'm thinking its this or worse most likely.

And I know you care about this guy. Its hard to leave someone when you have invested time and emotional energy. But its even worse to look back on the time you wasted, and the emotional stress that HE is causing.

This guy isn't making any real effort. He's blame shifting (the weight issue) and he's unattentive.

I hate to be harsh, but you get what you settle for. You KNOW how he is. You've tried to reason with him. At some point you stop being a victim. You can leave his noise behind and demand better for yourself, or you can stay and choose to be treated this way if he refuses to meet your needs.

I know someone who was married to a person who was like your boyfriend. They were married ten years, two kids. Guess what... after 10 years of frustration, two separations, and a TON of emotional stress she finally left him. An awful divorce. Kids all torn up through it. Mostly because he was unattentive, self centered, and disrespectful at times. Not all the time... enough to be a problem. Like your boyfriend.

So better to really think about this now before it gets really serious. You cannot marry someone thinking the marriage will fix anything or change them. So it might be hard to face this now... but better than 10 years down the line with a lot of heartbreak.

Maybe that seems too extreme. Maybe he's not that bad. I know my friend never thought she was "choosing" to be in a relationship with such a bad ending. The good times can lessen the bad. But your boyfriend seems way too self absorbed to really make you happy.

You may not be thinking about marriage right now. You might. But my rule always was when I was in a relationship that looked like it couldn't go any further as is, well, then its time to make a last try or to end it.

Again, you get what you settle for and you need to love yourself more than him.

what i love about him is that he's shows affection when we are together and when nobody around, he doesn't smoke, doesn't do drug, and he doesn't drink excessively, he is close to his family, and he has goal to have a job w/in his major. But the thing is he tells me to workout everyday and just this morning i had a small cookie, he said don't eat it, eat something healthy! I asked him why can't I have a cookie, but you can. He said because he has better body.
These are some of the worst reasons I have heard on here! Hes affectionate when no one is around? Why isn't he when other people are there? He doesn't smoke? So that would be a quality that over half the men in the world (atleast) have. He doesn't do drugs? Big deal. He doesn't drink too much? He is close to his family? And he has a goal? I could name a hundred men like that hun, you need to have better reasons to be with someone like that. Like how he loves you for who you are. From your weight you are not over weight for your height but even if you were that should not matter to him. I thought at first that maybe he was trying to help you because you had your own concerns and was going a little to far, but the things he has said are spiteful. I am always whinging about my weight to my boyfriend and he does try to be helpful by suggesting a health alternative but he would never talk to me like that. This year I got sick and put on 2 stone from an ovarian cyst and he was nothing but encoraging, even when we thought it was just because I wasn't doing so much exercise. If something like that bothers him, what do you think would happen if you got sick, or had children? Would he leave you because you had baby weight? That is not a fear I could live with, could you?