I am 18 years old. I have a serious issue. It has been 3 years in a relationship with my cousin. He has done his graduation now he is seeking for a permanent job. My aunts and almost other relatives know about our secret relation even his whole family knows about us and they even agrees for us, they love me as well but the problem is my family.

My father and brother don't like my cousin and my mother she is completely dependent on my father. Father has thought for a good rich or maybe a family who lives abroad somewhere. My cousin's family is not too rich they do not match my father's criteria, he doesn't like my cousin and his family.

Cousin's mother have already asked my mother thrice for me and him but she refused. Now I have to be quick for our relation to move further because in a year my family and I will be immigrated to Canada. I don't have a frank relation with my parents, or brother, so I can share some things with them and some I can't. I am so worried I don't want to lose my cousin.

What do I do??

You make a choice, and it's not an easy one: you disobey your father and stay with your cousin and his family, or you do what your father wants.
You are 18, an adult, not a child. But it's still going to be painful, either way.
What do YOU want to decide?

I think you are dependent on your father like our mother is, and will be dependent on your cousin as well.

I think you take the next year to find the path your head wants to travel, and not just your heart, which is very young and dependent on others. Do you have skills for a career you desire, or will you be a second rank female in his families household who runs the house?

Life and reality are very different than a girl hood love that must last forever. Being dependent on others may be the life you seek, but it will change the love you now have for sure. Be independent, and your choices for a happy future will increase. Think with your head and not your heart before you make such a life changing decision and you have a year to do it.

Since your father is looking at arranging a marriage for you, I am going to guess that you are from a culture (perhaps, religion) where the daughter is expected to obey her parents and bring honor (in the form of an advantageous marriage) to her family. I understand that you may live in a place where going against your father's wishes could not only be difficult but possibly dangerous.

If your cousin gets a good job, would that change how your father and brother feel about him?

Why is your family immigrating to Canada?

Other than marrying your cousin/boyfriend, what plans do you want to make for your life? Would you like to continue your education and broaden your horizon?

I agree with joupulv your father is probably following the customs of his family and will never come to accept or understand your love so you have to make a decision to break family ties and tradition for love even if it means losing your father and mother or else live under your fathers rule.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I agree with joupulv your father is probably following the customs of his family and will never come to accept or understand your love so you have to make a decision to break family ties and tradition for love even if it means losing your father and mother or else live under your fathers rule.

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I am really very confused , my father may be following the customs or may be not because there are few people in our relatives from his side who actually did love marrige and they are some of my other cousins. Sometimes my mother and I feel like he is in favor of love marrige but I don't know why he only dislikes my cousin whom I love so much,he is the only one guy I talk to in my relatives and the only one closer to me ,this my whole family knows. Actually my father has some problem with his father because his father is a sort of a person that most do dislikes him. But its not necessary that my cousin is same as him, I stay at his place during my vacations and I know him a lot .I wish they would even look at him the way I do.

It boils down to do you disobey him for love or do you marry your cousin. You have consequences either way. Follow your heart, in time your dad may be willing to make amends.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Since your father is looking at arranging a marriage for you, I am going to guess that you are from a culture (perhaps, religion) where the daughter is expected to obey her parents and bring honor (in the form of an advantageous marriage) to her family. I understand that you may live in a place where going against your father's wishes could not only be difficult but possibly dangerous.

If your cousin gets a good job, would that change how your father and brother feel about him?

Why is your family immigrating to Canada?

Other than marrying your cousin/boyfriend, what plans do you want to make for your life? Would you like to continue your education and broaden your horizon?

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About getting a good job , I have talke to my aunt (my mother's second sis) she even says that if my cousin gets a good job maybe that is the only way to make my father satisfy.because my father is a person who wants someone to meet his criteria or someone who earn the way he worked hard. We are immigrating to canada because my father thinks that we all can be settle there and make our future but I am against this I never wanted this. I want to do bachelors in fashion design and make my career do my own business I will continue my education obviously and everyone including my cousin agrees to my plans. But apart from this I want to get engage sooner I want my partner to be with me all the time but not a secret relation anymore ;(

You are 18 follow your heart.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

it boils down to do you disobey him for love or do you marry your cousin. You have consequences either way. Follow your heart, in time your dad may be willing to make amends.

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I really don't know :( but sometimes I feel like I should talk to him maybe he would listen but the moment I make my mind I stop myself because I don't have guts to do that.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

You make a choice, and it's not an easy one: you disobey your father and stay with your cousin and his family, or you do what your father wants.
You are 18, an adult, not a child. But it's still going to be painful, either way.
What do YOU want to decide?

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Obviously I want both sides my cousin and my family to be happy with me. But isn't there a way I can make my father agree? Is it necessary to sacrifice any one?

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You are 18 follow your heart.

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I am afraid to do that . What if anything else go wrong?

You love the guy, what are you afraid might go wrong? The way I see it is if you stay living with and listening to your dad your heart is going to be somewhere else with a bunch of 'what if's'. You will still be daddy's little girl having to answer to him and live the life he chooses for you in a place you do not want to be. What are the negatives of your other option that you can list right now? The positives? If things go wrong following your heart you have to be strong and bounce back. What is the worst that could happen? You break up and he leaves you penniless?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you are dependent on your father like our mother is, and will be dependent on your cousin as well.

I think you take the next year to find the path your head wants to travel, and not just your heart, which is very young and dependent on others. Do you have skills for a career you desire, or will you be a second rank female in his families household who runs the house?

Life and reality are very different than a girl hood love that must last forever. Being dependent on others may be the life you seek, but it will change the love you now have for sure. Be independent, and your choices for a happy future will increase. Think with your head and not your heart before you make such a life changing decision and you have a year to do it.

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An year to think isn't enough I feel like I am running out of time. I have planned to make my career but on other hand I want my partner to be with me so I can run the house as well as I think to do. Yes I am dependent . My mind confuses myself :/ even if I listen to my heart it tells me to do different things . This will destroy me.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You love the guy, what are you afraid might go wrong? The way I see it is if you stay living with and listening to your dad your heart is going to be somewhere else with a bunch of 'what if's'. You will still be daddy's little girl having to answer to him and live the life he chooses for you in a place you do not want to be. What are the negatives of your other option that you can list right now? The positives? If things go wrong following your heart you have to be strong and bounce back. What is the worst that could happen? You break up and he leaves you penniless?

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When I think of talking to my dad two things come in my mind firstly what if he gets mad at me and refuses or completely separates us from meeting or talking like a little bit he does now. Secondly if he makes me sit and talk politely about him like what does he do and etc and agrees.but stilll I don't know :(

If you want to marry this guy you have to tell your dad you are moving out and following your dreams and you do not want to go to Canada. If you keep seeking his permission and approval you will always be his little girl doing what he wants. I had to move from Pennsylvania to Texas to break my mothers ties. As long as you hesitate its not going to happen. You have to make your plan and move on it.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

If you want to marry this guy you have to tell your dad you are moving out and following your dreams and you do not want to go to Canada. If you keep seeking his permission and approval you will always be his little girl doing what he wants. I had to move from Pennsylvania to Texas to break my mothers ties. As long as you hesitate its not going to happen. You have to make your plan and move on it.

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After one year we are going canada it is confirmed. Once I talked to him about not going to canada reasoning that I want to esblish and make my career here, that time my father stopped talking to me. Now what do I tel him about this? I will be ready to go canada when I am engaged here with my cousin. I want to talk to him about all this but I don't know lot of things are stopping me to do that. I am searching for a right moment to talk to my dad and when will I get this. Am I late to talk or will I get late ? The world knows about our relationship but my own family didn't and now my dad is the only one whom everyone including me and my cousin have doubts

You are scared because you have to answer to him. Short of running away I only see 2 options TELLING him you are not going to Canada with him. OR staying and letting him dictate your life. What if when you have been in Canada a while your dad announces that he has found you a guy to marry and you are going to marry him? Yes your dad will not talk to you but you can't please him all your life when it means your life happiness. A lot of times when girls do take the consequence and dad quits talking to them time heals wounds and in time they do have a good relationship. For now you have to decide which relationship means more to you and where you see yourself in both scenerios in a few years from now. TELL HIM, as long as you are asking for approval and permission you will NOT get it from him. His mind is set on you going to Canada,

Just out of curiosity you do realise the consequences of marrying your cousin may be that your children end up with dysfunctions, because of your chromosomes especially your first cousin? However if you don't want kids I suggest you follow your heart as best you can.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You are scared because you have to answer to him. Short of running away I only see 2 options TELLING him you are not going to Canada with him. OR staying and letting him dictate your life. What if when you have been in Canada a while your dad announces that he has found you a guy to marry and you are going to marry him? Yes your dad will not talk to you but you can't please him all your life when it means your life happiness. A lot of times when girls do take the consequence and dad quits talking to them time heals wounds and in time they do have a good relationship. For now you have to decide which relationship means more to you and where you see yourself in both scenerios in a few years from now. TELL HIM, as long as you are asking for approval and permission you will NOT get it from him. His mind is set on you going to Canada,

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You are right I should try talking to him myself but last thing I am really afraid of talking to him :s what is the right time I should talk

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Originally Posted by louise1928

just out of curiosity you do realise the consequences of marrying your cousin may be that your children end up with dysfunctions, because of your chromosomes especially your first cousin? However if you dont want kids i suggest you follow your heart as best you can.

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Well it isn't necessary as I have seen many cases people do marry first cousins many don't endup with dysfunctions.

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Originally Posted by louise1928

just out of curiosity you do realise the consequences of marrying your cousin may be that your children end up with dysfunctions, because of your chromosomes especially your first cousin? However if you dont want kids i suggest you follow your heart as best you can.

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That is an old wives tale, Yeah it can happen but not as likely as the wives tale. Generations of West Virginia and Kentucky have inbred and only after decades and decades do their skin get a blue cast. That is why the Royalty of England is called blue blood.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

That is an old wives tale, Yeah it can happen but not as likely as the wives tale. Generations of West Virginia and Kentucky have inbred and only after decades and decades do their skin get a blue cast. That is why the Royalty of England is called blue blood.

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So now thing is what is the right time to talk ?