Ask Me Help Desk - Why no sex?

Me and my husband been married for 8 years and we been together for 17 years all together. We moved up state from New York city. We been going through a lot lately. My question is what man turns down sex with his wife? If I don't make a move I won't get none and I use to weight 185 lbs now down to 160 lbs. He found out he's diabetic and lost almost 90 lbs from being 350 lbs. I could put on my sexy wear, send him pictures, and all he can say is nice. When we are home I put on sexy things. Nothing smh, I sleep with nothing on smh, nothing, I can rub some ky on him, nothing, or I'm tired. What the hell is wrong with him??

What man doesn't want sex... well it might not be about wanting... but about being able to...

You said he's diabetic... that can cause problems... does he have anything else wrong... like high blood pressure... or other medications he might be on?

I assume he's have a recent complete physical by his physician.

Stress and physical exhaustion can do it as well... and this all assumes he's not ticked off about anything.

Has he seen a Physician in order to determine what the Hell is wrong with him?

Diabetes can cause erection/libido problems in a male. Didn't his Physician explain this to him? Or you?

I agree with Smoothy - change could be affecting him, it could be his health, it could be something else.

Have you tried talking to him about it with him when it's not in a situation where you are attempting to pressure him into sex?

He's not on any meds it's being done by diet he was determine to loose the weight mostly in his gut and he did. No high blood pressure at all he was one of the lucky ones. And yes they did say sex won't be the same but damn this is crazy no touching,holding,kissing nothing we use to do things together now it's all about him.

It's a huge hit to a guys ego if he starts having ED... for ANY reason... particularly if this come on all of a sudden.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lovemylocs

He's not on any meds it's being done by diet he was determine to loose the weight mostly in his gut and he did. No high blood pressure at all he was one of the lucky ones. And yes they did say sex won't be the same but damn this is crazy no touching,holding,kissing nothing we use to do things together now it's all about him.

You also said you have been gong through a lot lately. Has there been an increase in stress and distractions? If so, they are other libido limiters.

Has he had his testosterone levels checked?

Something else to keep in mind is that pressure to have sex can cause a person's libido to shut down. It can also cause them to shy away from anything that might lead to sex. They can get to the point where they are afraid to show even the slightest amount of affection for fear the partner will want more than they can give.

You might see if showing him affection and non-sexual intimacy with no thought of having sex might help. Let him see that sex isn't the only thing you want from him and it is safe to show love and affection.

Talk with about what is going on. Listen to each other and try to work together to find ways to adapt to the changes. Don't make it about what you did in the past. Look forward and think about what you might try in the future.

Good luck.

He's a diagnosed diabetic, not pre-diabetic or something else, diagnosed, on diet to control his Diabetes?

- Never to my knowledge.

Have you talked to his Physician?

When he found out he was pre diabetic he was so scared of sticking himself with needles that he told the doc the next time you see me all the weight will be gone and in six months he went from 365 to 255 they were amazed with the help of the way I cook no white products in my home, all natural foods, no beef or pork and potion control was the key his big gut is gone he went from a size 50 pants to a size 38 they can't believe it. He still go to his classes and drawing blood. When he's at his meeting they have him tell his story. But I will ask the doc to check his testosterone level check. Thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Its a huge hit to a guys ego if he starts having ED...for ANY reason.....particularly if this come on all of a sudden.

True!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

You also said you have been gong through a lot lately. Has there been an increase in stress and distractions? If so, they are other libido limiters.

Has he had his testosterone levels checked?

Something else to keep in mind is that pressure to have sex can cause a person's libido to shut down. It can also cause them to shy away from anything that might lead to sex. They can get to the point where they are afraid to show even the slightest amount of affection for fear the partner will want more than they can give.

You might see if showing him affection and non-sexual intimacy with no thought of having sex might help. Let him see that sex isn't the only thing you want from him and it is safe to show love and affection.

Talk with about what is going on. Listen to each other and try to work together to find ways to adapt to the changes. Don't make it about what you did in the past. Look forward and think about what you might try in the future.

Good luck.

Thank you!