I work with this woman who is married, we get along very well. We are both well aware that we both have a significant other. We don't have a lot of t ime to actually stop and talk so we try and do the phone thing while she drives home after work. A few days ago we expressed to each other we need sometime alone to talk and enjoy eachothers company, we decided on the zoo. I have never been good at reading women and was curious if she may have stronger feelings than just a casual friend. I don't want to make a fool of myself and believe this is something it is not. What is your opinion?

You have already made a fool of yourself by talking to her on the phone instead of going home to your significant other like you are suppoe to be.

And you and her are not free to have other feelings or meeting at the zoo unless you are bringing your family with you for a group outing.

So what you need to do is stop calling and talking to her on the phone, and spend your time building your relationship at home. Or leave the one at home first and still not see someone with another person but wait for them also to leave the one they are with.

Having affairs is not something any person should do.

It's hard to say in this case. I don't think there's any easy way of predicting what her feelings are based on this info. What about your own feelings? You state that you both have a "significant other." What exactly does that mean? Spouse? Fiance(e)? Boy/girlfriend? It all pretty much hinges on how committed you each are to your current "significant others" and what you're willing to risk.

This woman is married. Maybe she does not value her commitment to her husband, but you should be honoring your commitment to your "significant other" and leave this other woman just where she belongs - at work, being your co-worker.

I would ditch the little trip to zoo, unless you were going to bring your significant other and this other woman was bringing her husband. There is no good that can come of you two doing this by yourselves. You have an intent that is not honorable. That is pretty clear to read. Stop now before you do something that will definitely make you the fool in the eyes of others. Take the high ground on this. This woman can be your friend with boundaries.

You are both being foolish and stupid for trying to covertly do something you both know is wrong. If it has to be hidden its wrong. You both are out of bounds so leave that extra stuff alone. Take your significant other to the zoo. I doubt if you will get anyone here to give you the okay to cheat, which is what your looking for.

Ok for fear of upsetting all other responses , it might just help ,I did what you did only our relationship started on a work trip to NY, it was the most fab trip of my life and being with a man I had watched from afar for years was amazing. I did love my now ex husband but the old cliché " not in that way" I walked away from an 11 year relationship and am now a year on still in the first throws of divorce. The ONLY thing I regret and will always punish myself for is the pain I caused my children in breaking their " perfect little family apart". Sadly whilst my relationship with this man is more on off than a yoyo ( he is older than I by 13 yrs and has issues with this) he still goes home to his wife each weekend, he works away during the week. I thought at the time that all would be great and life would very easily move on FORGET IT if you choose this route prepare yourself for the roller coaster of a lifetime - it will be the most engulfing, emotional, deep, draining not too mention expensive trip of your life.I lost all my friends very quickly ,his family disappeared off the face of the earth that is hard for my children as they adored their cousins and are now not allowed to associate with them.My house used to be the buzzing family meeting place and sadly is now very quiet as nobody wishes to " pop round" Life is hard we all have choices just be AWARE of the consequences! I am well aware how hard it is walk away when you have feelings of strength for someone whilst I do not ever regret what I have experienced, I wake some mornings look at my son and realise just how selfish I have been and maybe if I had just addressed the issues in my marriage I would not have looked elsewhere. But then hind sight is a wonderful tool and what will be will be Just be Prepared!

Everyone throw values and religion into the scenario, well let me throw it back for a min. I wonder why is it the right thing to walk away, is it so wrong to think maybe this is the right thing. This is not about sex, having a night of passion or adventure. God knows all, God has a plan for us all. I ask then why do you deny Gods plan? Is it so unrational to believe God placed this woman in my life for a reason other than betrayal? Because two people are married or engaged does this mean God has spoken and your life is complete now? People jump into marriege like jumping into debt, it looks or seems good at the time and then we see it was a mistake. What about all the love stories centuries ago of brave common soldiers who fall deeply in love with the queen, do we not engulf ourselves in wonder and maybe even a little envy of such a love stories? Or does it just make for a good movie? I agree going behind a wife or husbands back to find pleasure is wrong but when you have true intentions how do you know this is not "God's plan" everyone speaks of? It is so easy to say he/she was brutally killed because it was all part of the "plan" or you lost everything but don't worry it was his plan things will work out. I ask then why are you so quick to debunk what may be his plan?

If your intentions aren't betrayal - then it should not be an issue to be honest with your significant other and her husband.
As far as God - "Thou shall not commit adultery" Exodus 20 verses 1-17 - look it up

You speak as if you are sin free, I find it amuzing that you can throw out bible verses and commandments but I recall The Bible says that we should not judge one another, you have no clue what God wants and why things happen. You make excuses to suit your needs and life, Thou shalt not kill, but we cheer those soldiers who kill in the name of our country. Don't preach unless you can walk on water and raise the dead.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jck4

I work with this woman who is married, we get along very well. We are both well aware that we both have a significant other. We don't have alot of t ime to actually stop and talk so we try and do the phone thing while she drives home after work. A few days ago we expressed to eachother we need sometime alone to talk and enjoy eachothers company, we decided on the zoo. I have never been good at reading women and was curious if she may have stronger feelings than just a casual friend. I don't want to make a fool of myself and believe this is something it is not. What is your opinion?

---

Let's just put the religion aside. I'm a Christian, but I don't believe in shoving my faith into other people's throats because I hate when religious people try to do that to me. So what you need to do is decide on what you think is right and wrong. It's your life, so you decide whether you want to pursue this or not. If you really want my opinion (I'm assuming you do otherwise you wouldn't have posted this), then I think you guys should just be friends, nothing more. I mean, think about how it is for her husband. It all goes back to the golden rule that I learned in elementary school, "Treat others exactly the way you wanted to be treated by them." What if your significant other cheated on you? You need some thinking time.

Quote:

---

I have never been good at reading women and was curious if she may have stronger feelings than just a casual friend. I don't want to make a fool of myself and believe this is something it is not. What is your opinion?

---

Meeting this woman with the idea of something more than casual will make a fool of you, her, and your families. Don't believe me try it.

Just thought I'd add this...

God doesn't plan your life for you. While God may have a plan set in place, its your choice to follow it or not. Just beucase something happens, does not mean you can blame (or thank) God for it happening.

Every choice you make in life is yours and yours alone, God doesn't make them for you... Ever hear of free will?

Well to answer your question, yes she wants you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jck4

I work with this woman who is married, we get along very well. We are both well aware that we both have a significant other. We don't have alot of t ime to actually stop and talk so we try and do the phone thing while she drives home after work. A few days ago we expressed to eachother we need sometime alone to talk and enjoy eachothers company, we decided on the zoo. I have never been good at reading women and was curious if she may have stronger feelings than just a casual friend. I don't want to make a fool of myself and believe this is something it is not. What is your opinion?

---

The title question on your post was:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jck4

Have I lost my mind?

---

My opinion is yes. The woman is married, you have a significant other. Now you are determining that you need some time alone to talk and enjoy each other's company?? Now, if you were at work and joining each other for lunch I wouldn't think too much of it. That's what co-workers do. They don't call each other on the phone while they drive home from work and go to the zoo together unless there is more to it that 'enjoying each other's company'.

You are concerned with making a fool of yourself if you believe that it is something it is not. Maybe you should be concerned as to how her husband or your 'significant other' might see it. Fact is, that if you have any interest in something with this woman other than friendship then you need to detach immediately. She is married and should be off limits. You are involved with someone, so you are off limits. You both have responsibilities to other people. If you ran off to the zoo with everyone who might attract you through the years they'd be wondering why you were there so often.

You should honour this woman's wedding vows, honour your own relationship, and get out of this before you really mess up. Sometimes temptations are put in our way, but as adults we say no and go on to make our lives as good as we can. Whether she is interested in you or not, it doesn't mean you should act on it.

My opinion on the rest of your post is that she may be caught up in you because you are new and different to her. It is easy to look at something you don't have and think you want it. The trouble is, getting it may cause a lot of people way more pain and sorrow than fixing the life that brings you the need to step outside of the boundaries.

Didi

I so agree! Very good points to consider.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jck4

You speak as if you are sin free, I find it amuzing that you can throw out bible verses and commandments but I recall The Bible says that we should not judge one another, you have no clue what God wants and why things happen. You make excuses to suit your needs and life, Thou shalt not kill, but we cheer those soldiers who kill in the name of our country. Don't preach unless you can walk on water and raise the dead.

---

Friend, I am not sin free - by far. The post that I responded to asked the question "how do we know this isn't God's plan?" By asking that - this is what the Bible tells us. That is how we know it is not God's plan. He tells us plain and simple - Do not commit adultery.
I am not judging you. Do as you wish, but to enter into something that can only have devastating effects - in the end, I don't think you will find happiness. If you both are free to pursue a relationship - then the story might be different. But she has already committed to someone.
I have been on the receiving end of an affair. My world was torn apart. I feel like, if I could stop someone that is considering it - then I have somehow helped. THe pain that is inflicted from an affair is life changing. Do you want to be a part of something that can hurt so many? Not just the husband - but the woman - both families. Possibliy kids?
I am not judging you - I am just asking you to truly think about what you are prepared to do.

It sounds to me like you did not come here for advise, but for permission basically. Instead of complaining about what people bring up when commenting on your question, you should just read it, maybe thank them, and move on. We obviously can, and will not tell you what to do, just give you our thoughts. There is no reason to complain if someone brings up religon or not, remember, you are the one asking for their opinion. I honestly don't think what anyone writes here will make any difference. You are only looking for someone to justify why you should do it, and don't care that you shouldn't.

First off I don't understand the green and red marks? Does someone actually give you a negative strike because you come here to seek advice? If so then maybe either need to quit being so closed minded and open them up a little. Off the subject did anyone know there is over 600 commandment and we have only chosen 10 because it relates the fingers on our hand. Were not even sure they are the 10 most important. Christians also worship false Gods and idols, we pray to the statue of Mary and the saints, we leave offerings at the foot of these statues as well. God say for us not to worship idols for they have no meaning they are but empty meaningless earthly possessions.

I have heard of free will, but when things go wrong why do we say it was Gods will. Come on now if God knows all and has our life planned and knows everything we do and will do then how can you say you have control over your life? God knows already what mistakes you will make and what good you will do. It had to be part of his plan or it wouldn't have happened or is he not the all knowing and maker?

Everything in life happens for a reason !

We learn something from everything that happens!

Each event makes us a stronger person and plays a part in who we are today!