My ex decided 3 weeks ago that he needed space and that he was going through a depression. He stated that we were not over, just on hold and he couldn't live with that. However, all of a sudden it turned into him saying he "just wanted to be alone" so I left him alone. I'm guessing he lied about the depression??

One week later I find out he's hanging out with his ex who actually cheated on him and blasted it all over Facebook. She also has a child and doesn't have a job. By the looks of it he is back with her. He told one of my friends that it was over between me and him because we had nothing in common, yet he told me something completely different. He still texts me like once a week to see how I'm doing. I'm mad and confused. What is this??

Sounds like he wasn't man enough to tell you the truth. It's much easier to ask for a break than it is to ask to break up, much less drama.

I'm guessing he wanted to break up, but asked for a break instead, hoping that after a few weeks you'd figure it out and he'd be free.

This is pretty common.

Seems like its common that 'need space' translation is want out of the relationship cause I found someone else.

Why are you waiting around? It's time to forget about this person.

So him and I have been over for over a month now. He lied about being in a depression and wasn't man enough to tell me he wanted out of the relationship, he told other people he was done because we had nothing in common but couldn't tell me that.

Now he'll text me out of the blue wanting sex? Its like why? I thought you were happy with this girl. That's why you went back to her even though she cheated. He still thinks I don't know about her. He told me he still thinks about me a lot and he never intended to hurt me. He says he misses the sex and sends me all these dirty text messages. I told him no and he said sorry he won't bring it up. And he still wants to be friends.

I don't understand. Its taken me so long to get over this. I'm not 100% but I'm finally feeling stronger. This isn't making it feel any better though. How do I go about this? I tried being nice even though I know I shouldn't. He only comes around like once a week. He thinks I'm dumb enough not to know he's with her even though I do know. I'm lost

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Originally Posted by Alty

Sounds like he wasn't man enough to tell you the truth. It's much easier to ask for a break than it is to ask to break up, much less drama.

I'm guessing he wanted to break up, but asked for a break instead, hoping that after a few weeks you'd figure it out and he'd be free.

This is pretty common.

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Yes that was my intuition. I had a feeling. Thank you!

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Originally Posted by none12345

Why are you waiting around? It's time to forget about this person.

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Yes your right. I need to move on! Thank you! Its just a confusing, messed up situation

Block him. No Contact.

{Threads merged}

Please don't start new threads over the same issue.

Drop this guy and move on. Block him from texting you.

He thinks im dumb enough not to know hes with her even though i do know. im lost
Is he right? I know you know about her but why are you talking to him? Stop answering phone calls and text. He'll get the message.

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Originally Posted by marisamarie

Yes your right. I need to move on! thank you! its just a confusing, messed up situation

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Time to move on.

I know this hurts, we've all been there, and there's always a new generation waiting to be there too. Getting dumped, or doing the dumping, is a part of life.

Now you know who he is. No reason for you to be upset that he's gone, you dodged a bullet. He's not relationship material, you can do better. Don't you deserve to be with someone that wants to be with you and only you?

Go out with friends, flirt with guys, have fun. You're only young once. You're single, you're young, and you're free. So go out and have fun. Who cares what he's doing, he's not worth your time, or your tears.

I'm giving you advice I wish I had known at your age. All the time I wasted on guys that hurt me, when I could have been out having fun, meeting new people. Time crying over some jerk, isn't time well spent. Ya, it hurt, but they didn't deserve the hurt I felt.

Call your friends, arrange to go out. Flirt, dance, have fun. Life is too short to waste on people that treat you like garbage.

He's playing you.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

He's playing you.

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Time for her to play right back.

He's a jerk. If he wants to play someone, he should find someone that doesn't have even half a brain cell in her head.

Don't go out flirting because you want to get back at him. If you do that, you're letting him win.

Don't be angry, he's not worth your anger. Don't be sad, he's not worth your tears. He's nothing. Forget him, and move on. Go have fun because you deserve it, not because you want him to suffer. He won't suffer. Guys like him don't care about the pain they cause. You'd only end up hurting yourself.

Just live your life, and forget about him. He's not worth a single thought.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Time for her to play right back.

He's a jerk. If he wants to play someone, he should find someone that doesn't have even half a brain cell in her head.

Don't go out flirting because you want to get back at him. If you do that, you're letting him win.

Don't be angry, he's not worth your anger. Don't be sad, he's not worth your tears. He's nothing. Forget him, and move on. Go have fun because you deserve it, not because you want him to suffer. He won't suffer. Guys like him don't care about the pain they cause. You'd only end up hurting yourself.

Just live your life, and forget about him. He's not worth a single thought.

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Thank you so much. Hes such a jerk. And he still texts me saying he misses our intimacy but I don't answer. Its just out of this world. He went from wanting a future to changing within a week. Its stupid. Thank you for all your advice. I really appreciate it :)

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Originally Posted by marisamarie

Thank you so much. Hes such a jerk. and he still texts me saying he misses our intimacy but i dont answer. its just out of this world. He went from wanting a future to changing within a week. Its stupid. Thank you for all your advice. I really appreciate it :)

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Message back once, and then block him from contacting you again.

I'd write:

If your new girlfriend isn't giving you the intimacy you crave, may I recommend hiring a hooker? A hooker will be whatever you want her to be.

Why are you missing me? Is the new girl not all you want her to be?

I'm sorry, but I don't have time for your drama. I'm going out tonight, and I plan to have a blast. I hope there are tons of hot guys there.

You wanted a break. Well, consider it permanent. I don't have the time, or the desire, to put up with your drama. I'm out.

Good luck and good bye.


After that, block him and go out and have fun. Dance with the guys, have a few drinks (if you're old enough), and let loose. You're young, so be young. Don't give him another thought, he's not worth it.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Message back once, and then block him from contacting you again.

I'd write:

If your new girlfriend isn't giving you the intimacy you crave, may I recommend hiring a hooker? A hooker will be whatever you want her to be.

Why are you missing me? Is the new girl not all you want her to be?

I'm sorry, but I don't have time for your drama. I'm going out tonight, and I plan to have a blast. I hope there are tons of hot guys there.

You wanted a break. Well, consider it permanent. I don't have the time, or the desire, to put up with your drama. I'm out.

Good luck and good bye.


After that, block him and go out and have fun. Dance with the guys, have a few drinks (if you're old enough), and let loose. You're young, so be young. Don't give him another thought, he's not worth it.

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IM 23 years old and don't have any kids. I was devastated. And he's so inconsiderate it's a joke. His ex doesn't care about her appearance, she has a baby from another man, and she has no job. Its like OMG my opposite lol but I'm slowly getting better. I just hate this feeling. Of wondering. And the texting doesn't make it easier. :(

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Originally Posted by marisamarie

IM 23 years old and dont have any kids. I was devastated. and hes so inconsiderate its a joke. his ex doesnt care about her appearance, she has a baby from another man, and she has no job. Its like OMG my opposite lol but im slowly getting better. I just hate this feeling. of wondering. and the texting doesnt make it easier. :(

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I understand. You can't help but wonder why he wouldn't choose you, and you can't help being mad that he did this.

But, any feeling about this is too much. He doesn't deserve your anger.

Why did he choose her instead of you? Because he's an idiot! Be thankful you found out now, and you're rid of him.

It's not easy to get dumped. It's not easy not to cry and be upset, or angry. But look at this logically. You found out who he is because of this. Knowing what you know about him now, do you want him back in your life? Why would you? He's a jerk, and an idiot to boot.

You can do better than this.

He's not worth crying over. He's not even worth you thinking about him.

Are you in the US? The fourth of July is tomorrow. Do you have plans? If not, make some! Go have fun with friends. Forget all about this guy. Do something more constructive with your time. Go out and have fun. You're only 23 once. Before you know it you'll be... gulp... 42 like me, with two kids, married. This is the time to have fun, flirt, meet people. If someone turns out to be a jerk, you move on and forget about him. Don't waste your youth being miserable because of some jerk. Don't waste your anger or tears on him. Really. Go out and have fun.

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Originally Posted by Alty

I understand. You can't help but wonder why he wouldn't choose you, and you can't help being mad that he did this.

But, any feeling about this is too much. He doesn't deserve your anger.

Why did he choose her instead of you? Because he's an idiot! Be thankful you found out now, and you're rid of him.

It's not easy to get dumped. It's not easy not to cry and be upset, or angry. But look at this logically. You found out who he is because of this. Knowing what you know about him now, do you want him back in your life? Why would you? He's a jerk, and an idiot to boot.

You can do better than this.

He's not worth crying over. He's not even worth you thinking about him.

Are you in the US? The fourth of July is tomorrow. Do you have plans? If not, make some! Go have fun with friends. Forget all about this guy. Do something more constructive with your time. Go out and have fun. You're only 23 once. Before you know it you'll be...gulp....42 like me, with two kids, married. This is the time to have fun, flirt, meet people. If someone turns out to be a jerk, you move on and forget about him. Don't waste your youth being miserable because of some jerk. Don't waste your anger or tears on him. Really. Go out and have fun.

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Im trying so hard to forget about him. I haven't seen him in a month. But I just keep thinking about all the what ifs. And it makes it even harder that he texts on random days during the week with exceptions to the weekends and holidays -__- its so annoying. But I'm making it through. I just feel he wants it both ways. He won't let me go completely. If he really knew what he wanted he would have left me alone a long time ago. Its confusing. But I'm doing my best to stick to my decision, not giving him a choice.

Block his texts, emails, phone calls.

Tell him you know and don't want to hear from him again then block him completely.

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Originally Posted by marisamarie

Im trying so hard to forget about him. i havent seen him in a month. but i just keep thinking about all the what ifs. and it makes it even harder that he texts on random days during the week with exceptions to the weekends and holidays -__- its so annoying. but im making it through. I just feel he wants it both ways. He wont let me go completely. If he really knew what he wanted he would of left me alone a long time ago. Its confusing. but im doing my best to stick to my decision, not giving him a choice.

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You need to block him, then his texts will no longer bother you. You can't be bothered by things you don't see or hear.

You're doing the what ifs. So is he. Your what ifs are all about doubt, doubt that you didn't give him a chance to show he loves you. Doubt that you're doing the right thing by moving on and cutting all contact. His doubt is that the new girl will stick around. He wants to make sure you're waiting in the wings if this new relationship doesn't work out. He's contacting you because he wants to have the option of having you back. You're the fall back, just in case his other relationship doesn't work out.

Don't you deserve to be someone's first choice, not an alternate? Don't you deserve to be the priority, not just one of the options?

Read Tal's signature. I'll post it for you:

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.