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-   -   Am I second best? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=756406)

  • Jul 2, 2013, 11:42 AM
    Secondbest2
    Am I second best?
    I've been with my boyfriend for all most a year now but recently a lot has been playing on my mind about whether I am just someone he has settled for. I know that he has been faithful and would never cheat on me. He told me that he was not texting anyone else in the time that he was texting me but he let slip one night that he had been texting one girl when we had first meet. Turns out he had been writing to her on Facebook for the first 2 months of us seeing each other and was always begging her to do things with him. I was never begged this much.

    It ended up being her not writing back to him and it was just after this happened that he started to try harder with me. I have only recently found all this out and now I feel like I was the next best option. Now all I wonder is what if she had agreed to meet up with him, would he still have fallen for me or would he have kept after her. (By the way he was after her for about 6 months prior to meeting me). Should I be feeling this way? Should I just accept that the relationship never happened and that we were meant to end up together? (Cause it sure doesn't feel that way :( ).
  • Jul 2, 2013, 11:46 AM
    busymomma2013
    If he was with you while he was texting this other girl, then I would say that he is a cheater.

    May I ask how old you are?
  • Jul 2, 2013, 11:52 AM
    Secondbest2
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by busymomma2013 View Post
    If he was with you while he was texting this other girl, then I would say that he is a cheater.

    May I ask how old you are?
    He wasn't with me it was about another month before we got together after he stopped texting this other girl, that I didn't not know about. I know he will have a past, the thing that's bothering me is that he did not tell me about her instead he lied that I was the only girl he was talking to at this point... and the fact that he was begging her to do stuff and not getting a response, which makes me wonder what would have happened if he did get one.

    Im 21 by the way
  • Jul 2, 2013, 11:56 AM
    joypulv
    There's an allowable overlap period of 'dating' where anyone can date anyone else!
    He knew her before he met you, and he was pursuing her - big deal. How's he supposed to know enough about you to drop her? He isn't. And he isn't required to tell you all about her at that early stage either.
    You could be cutting off your nose to spite your face here. He is faithful, and she is history. You will never know whether he might have loved her more or less than you, had they had a relationship. Why? Because no one will never know, because it didn't happen.
    Did he settle; i.e. wish it had been her and not you? Only he knows that. You can ask him, but after a year, something else is really going on here. What is it? If you are feeling that the romance is dying, that is because romance DOES die, and you replace it with a more comfortable mutual respect and admiration, compromise and forgiveness, understanding and sharing. That's called love.
  • Jul 2, 2013, 12:25 PM
    Secondbest2
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    There's an allowable overlap period of 'dating' where anyone can date anyone else!
    He knew her before he met you, and he was pursuing her - big deal. How's he supposed to know enough about you to drop her? He isn't. And he isn't required to tell you all about her at that early stage either.
    You could be cutting off your nose to spite your face here. He is faithful, and she is history. You will never know whether he might have loved her more or less than you, had they had a relationship. Why? Because no one will never know, because it didn't happen.
    Did he settle; i.e., wish it had been her and not you? Only he knows that. You can ask him, but after a year, something else is really going on here. What is it? If you are feeling that the romance is dying, that is because romance DOES die, and you replace it with a more comfortable mutual respect and admiration, compromise and forgiveness, understanding and sharing. That's called love.
    You are totally right. I think it's the fact he lied and said he was seeing no one. Sure I was seeing someone up to about that point as well, only difference was that I told him and he just point blank lied. Honestly our relationship is great, stronger than ever actually. I guess I was just going over it in my head and over thinking the whole thing. Its been a year and I know he loves me to bits so I need to concentrate on not letting past stupid things annoy me.

    Thank you for your honestly and being so blunt... its what I needed to hear :)
  • Jul 2, 2013, 06:56 PM
    N0help4u
    You can drive yourself crazy with what if's. Just take things from where they are here and now. Count your blessings and keep working at your relationship.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Secondbest2 View Post
    I think its the fact he lied and said he was seeing no one. Sure I was seeing someone up to about that point as well, only difference was that i told him and he just point blank lied. :)
    You say he was seeing yet in your original you only say he was texting, His begging was probably just trying to get a final answer to the direction they were going before he made his final decision to be with you
    My guess is he was going through a weaning away from her time and had not really made a full hearted commitment to your being his girlfriend. So unless he was actually IN a relationship with her for that month in question, I'd just count it as water under the bridge and let it go
  • Jul 2, 2013, 11:33 PM
    none12345
    It doesn't matter if you WERE second best. It only matters if you ARE second best now.

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