For some years back I had some good friends, but then I went through some traumatizing experiences and I moved to get my life back. Now that I have got most but not all my life back, I want to get back in touch with my friends, but when I try to send a message I can't. I just get too afraid that they aren't going to respond or respond in a mean way. Or they respond, we meet, and they don't like the changes in me.

I really want to say something to them, be friends again. But I just left them for 2 years.

They know somewhat what I went through, but not all. When I contacted a friend 1 year ago, she thought I had died, since I had just disappeared, and that really hurt.

I really want to be friends with them again, but I don't have the courage to contact them in the fear of what may happen.

Is there something that can help me get over this fear?

Face the fact that they might not want to be friends... and/or have moved on in their lives. Besides people change over time... and drift apart in the best of circumstances. Besides... one can not always pick up where they left off. And a lot happens and changes in two years.

What you do is make NEW friends... amoung the circle of people you are around now.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Face the fact that they might not want to be friends...and/or have moved on in their lives. Besides people change over time....and drift appart in the best of circumstances. Besides...one can not always pick up where they left off. And a lot happens and changes in two years.

What you do is make NEW friends...amoung the circle of people you are around now.

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I have some problems with making friends, but are trying.
But these old friends are allot in my mind, when I am in my hometown. I am scared to go out, because if they see me,t hey will probably speak to me, and that freaks me out. I just can't seem to take the first step, they aren't going to ether.

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Originally Posted by Skyline_94

I am scared to go out, because if they see me,t hey will probably speak to me, and that freaks me out. I just can't seem to take the first step, they aren't going to ether.

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If they speak to you, they are taking the first step and are interested. Do you feel like you will be under pressure to explain where you have been for the past two years or so? Maybe think of a simple explanation -- "I've been ill. So how have you been doing?"

I am a lot like you, all I simply did if I didn't know how to contact them or they lived too far away was got on Facebook, sent them a friend request and sometimes a simple message. In fact I found long lost friends I never dreamt I'd be able to find.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If they speak to you, they are taking the first step and are interested. Do you feel like you will be under pressure to explain where you have been for the past two years or so? Maybe think of a simple explanation -- "I've been ill. So how have you been doing?"

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It is that they know I have been in a mental hospital after I tried suicide, and I feel it would be weird if they suddenly saw me in town looking okay. I feel they would be scared to speak to me because of that. I'm just scared.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I am a lot like you, all I simply did if I didn't know how to contact them or they lived too far away was got on facebook, sent them a friend request and sometimes a simple message. In fact I found long lost friends I never dreamt I'd be able to find.

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I really feel like it would be weird if I did that and they would get angry or something (stupid I know). I have wrote messages, but my thoughts always stop me from sending them. I don't know what's going to happen and that scared me, allot.

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Originally Posted by Skyline_94

It is that they know I have been in a mental hospital after I tried suicide, and I feel it would be weird if they suddenly saw me in town looking okay. I feel they would be scared to speak to me because of that. I'm just scared.

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If I saw you walking around and you and I had been friends, I would be so excited to see you again and that you looked okay! Why on earth would they be scared?

Its actually easier to pick up new friends from the circle of people you are currently around than it is to try to mend the issues of old friends that have either drifted away or you walked away from.

If you worry too much about picking out what was 2 years ago... you are going to be ignoring the people around right now that you might have something in common with.

Few people have the time or the energy to pursue BOTH.

And I've had to creat a new circle of friends a few times as I've made major geographic moves ( like international moves) several times.

However if they are local... there is no harm in talking with them... you never know if they they can or will pick things back up or not until you try.

But know that if they have moved on.. or don't seem interested... you will have to leave things go and move on.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Its actually easier to pick up new friends from the circle of people you are currently around than it is to try to mend the issues of old friends that have either drifted away or you walked away from.

If you worry too much about picking out what was 2 years ago...you are going to be ignoring the people around right now that you might have something in common with.

Few people have the time or the energy to pursue BOTH.

And I've had to creat a new circle of friends a few times as I've made major geographic moves ( like international moves) several times.

However if they are local....there is no harm in talking with them....you never know if they they can or will pick things back up or not until you try.

But know that if they have moved on..or don't seem interested....you will have to leave things go and move on.

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I know, but I will be upset if they have just forgotten me... I haven't spoken to them in two years or seen them in two years, but it will still hurt allot...

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If I saw you walking around and you and I had been friends, I would be so excited to see you again and that you looked okay! Why on earth would they be scared?

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I just feel like that because it is a big matter. And they always seemed scared or lost when I was depressed before I moved...

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Originally Posted by Skyline_94

I know, but I will be upset if they have just forgotten me... I haven't spoken to them in two years or seen them in two years, but it will still hurt allot....

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This is one of those things you will just have to learn to deal with if it happens... everyone does.

This is because people sometimes drift apart for as many reasons as there are people. And they didn't have to have an argument.

Nobody exists in a stasis... everyones lives chage over time. Things are very different for everyone compared to what they were 2 years ago including you.

Sure its going to hurt... but you do what everyone else does when that happens... you suck it up and move on to other people and things... eventually you will forget you ever got upset.

Its really not any different than breaking up with someone you was dating.

You would be wrong if you assumed most people don't feel some loss when they break up with friends.. or friends move on before they are ready. Everyone does... its all in how you cope with it. In the big scheme of life... your friends really aren't all that important... while your family IS. So is your jobs and anything you need to support yourself... those mean most... if you have time and energy after those two... THEN friends come into play. Friends can sometimes help you find a new job... or to talk with... they however won't pay your rent.. cook your meals... do your laundry or clean your house... if you see what I am getting at.

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Originally Posted by Skyline_94

I just feel like that because it is a big matter. And they always seemed scared or lost when I was depressed before I moved...

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They were scared and lost because they didn't know how to help you. Now you've gotten professional help and are back on track. I'm guessing they will be happy about that and relieved.

Please don't be ashamed about what you went through. My uncle was bipolar, threatened suicide, was in the VA psych unit off and on for years, had electroshock treatments and all different kinds of meds (trying to find the right ones to help), and during all that time, his friends stuck around encouraging him and not judging him. He also made new friends along the way in support groups that he had joined. There are many people with similar stories, or have relatives with similar stories.

Everybody has challenges in life. Look at it like sifting for gold the ones who respond and be your friend is a plus and the ones you don't hear back from as their loss. Sometimes people are just too busy and its nothing against you. Write them a SIMPLE note... Hey I feel so bad we lost contact but if you will I'd love to begin a new friendship with you. Your friend always ________

Whatever it was that turned your life upside down two years ago, must have been major. No doubt it was a long struggle to get your old self back again as you've said.

I'm thinking that part of the problem may be, that to face the friends you had from the past, also means you would have to face that which severed the friendships in the first place.

You may be understandably have some serious reservation about having to feel you need to explain yourself, or how to handle the questions old friends will have. To keep repeating history in other words, that you have already put behind you, might be at play here as well.

It sounds like you valued the friendships you had, and that maybe you are a little afraid that they may no longer feel the same about you, or you about them.

The hurt at losing one friend, let alone several, is devastating. Ask any kid who has to move to a new school every other year. It is tough.

Why not start with one old friend, that could help you pave the way toward a comfortable start to resume these friendships. Maybe even test the waters with one old friend who is more informed than the others, and one that you would trust with their opinions.

Keeping in mind that people and their lives, can also change just as dramatically as yours has, and they choose to remain in a new, or different place, even psychologically. Maybe they have just changed to a point where the 'group' is now only casual.

But, you will never know, unless you make an effort. Expect the best outcome, but be prepared for the worst, in that most, if not all, have gone on in other directions.

Best of luck to you.

I tried to send a message to a friend on her phone, but she didn't answer. She could have gotten a new number or something... I don't know if I should send a message through Facebook or something... I'm just not really sure what to do...

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Originally Posted by Skyline_94

I tried to send a message to a friend on her phone, but she didn't answer. She could have gotten a new number or something... I don't know if I should send a message through Facebook or something..... I'm just not really sure what to do...

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People don't always text back immediately. PM her through Facebook -- short and sweet. But don't overdo it.