He wants to wait, but I'm scared?
My boyfriend and I are both 18, and we've been together for over a year now. We started slow, and we didn't even kiss until our 6th date, which was about 1-2 months in. That obviously progressed, as these things tend to do, and after much, much discussion and assurance that we were both ready for it, we had oral sex after about six months together. He is the first guy I've ever even wanted to do that with; before him, I'd always thought it was disgusting (even when watching porn, I'd skip that part). But with him I just felt this overwhelming emotional and physical need to be intimate with him and I felt completely comfortable doing it. I still feel comfortable, and still love doing it, but I feel like I'm ready to take the next step with him. I wasn't raised in a religious home, so waiting until marriage, while an option, was never my preference. I was more "Wait for Mr. Right" than wait for marriage. And I believe that this one is the right one to do it with.
However, I have encountered a problem. Well, two actually. The first is that he's the one who wants to wait until we're married. We've discussed marriage and our feelings for each other, and you can tell me I'm dumb or naïve, but I want to spend my life with him and he with me. When you know, you know. But I want to have sex with him right now. We're going to the same college in the fall, we'll have plenty of alone time together. He acknowledges this, but insists that we wait. I'd be perfectly willing to wait, don't get me wrong, if it weren't for one not-so-small detail. He is huge. I can't fit more than about two inches in my mouth because he's really thick. I'm scared to death that we'll get to our wedding night and he won't be able to fit. I'm extremely petite, and I can't fit more than three fingers in myself while he's the size of my wrist. I don't want to wait four or five years for something that physically can't happen (or it's so uncomfortable that I don't ever want to do it again). We are compatible in every other way, but I'm just scared about waiting so long to have sex. I've talked to him about it and it just upsets him that I worry about when we eventually have sex. Does anyone have any advice? If I haven't made something clear, feel free to ask. I just really need some help.
