Ask Me Help Desk - Not sexually attracted to my partner

Hi, first time. Don't do this sort of stuff.
So my partner and I have been dating and living together for 3 years. For the past year and a half I have been the breadwinner, which doesn't bother me as I make enough to support both of us comfortably.
Our relationship is wonderful. He treats me like a queen and will go out of his way to make me happy.
However, sexually we have always been different. My sex drive is extreamly high (3 times a day is not out of the question if you can spare it) but his is much lower (content with once a week)
In saying that, I have recently come to terms with the fact that I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore. I want sex. Sweaty wet crazy passionate sex... But not with him.
In saying that I would never cheat and have been given the perfect opportunity to and walked away. I'm very proud.
My partner has gained a little bit of weight, however that's not the only factor. He just doesn't know how to please me, and things I like to do he doesn't...
I have thoughts about living alone and being single however I love this man and everything he does for me, I don't want to end a relationship because of just sex? But a relationship without sex is just a friendship...

Has anyone been through this and has any suggestions? I'm going crazy but not for my partner!

I assume you are fairly young. Why is it that he doesn't work? If he can't find a job, or just chooses not to, this may have more of an affect on you than you realize and could be part of the reason you are no longer attracted to him. As for me, I'm a bit older, and my husband is on medication and sex is very rare with us. That is not a problem for me or him. We still have a very good loving relationship. I understand you are torn between this man and the possibility of finding someone who can 'keep up with you'. If sex is important to you, I suggest you seriously consider why you are no longer attracted to him, discuss this with him and if you cannot reach a satisfactory conclusion/resolution/understanding, then cut him loose. That may sound harsh, but you are obviously not satisfied with the ways things are now. Don't waste time, it goes so much faster than you realize. You deserve to be with someone who treats you like a queen, and can still be a man (hold down a job) and be a compatible sexual partner as well. No, that's not too much to ask.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tsila1777

I assume you are fairly young. Why is it that he doesn't work? If he can't find a job, or just chooses not to, this may have more of an affect on you than you realize and could be part of the reason you are no longer attracted to him. As for me, I'm a bit older, and my husband is on medication and sex is very rare with us. That is not a problem for me or him. We still have a very good loving relationship. I understand you are torn between this man and the possibility of finding someone who can 'keep up with you'. If sex is important to you, I suggest you seriously consider why you are no longer attracted to him, discuss this with him and if you cannot reach a satisfactory conclusion/resolution/understanding, then cut him loose. That may sound harsh, but you are obviously not satisfied with the ways things are now. Don't waste time, it goes so much faster than you realize. You deserve to be with someone who treats you like a queen, and can still be a man (hold down a job) and be a compatible sexual partner as well. No, that's not too much to ask.

Well we had to move for my job, and I asked him to move with me. We were already living together at the time and it was a substantial pay rise so he wouldn't have to work and could focus on perusing his hobby of photography (we have all the equipment to start a business, it's taken a year but we are getting there)
We moved away from friends and family so I'm the only person in his life. I think a job might be good for him to meet people, even part time as money isn't an issue, however he would rather wait to start the business instead.
It's strange being the provider in the relationship and I wear the pants in every way, so perhaps he is not feeling like the 'man' in the relationship. It is a bit of a turn off, but I don't know if it's enough to re-boot the sex drive.
When we met he was quite attractive and happy. Now he is a bit clingy... Imagine a puppy that would fetch anything for u and follow u everywhere. Lovely and cute, not so sexy...

You probably didn't mean to, circumstances changed, but you have unwittingly relegated him to that 'little puppy' and he fell into it easily now he is stuck in it. He has lost his masculinity. You have to get it back for him and change roles for a while domestically until he gets his mojo back

Any couple that can't talk and make adjustments to resolve issues to the benefit of you both has no business in a relationship. You moved for a job, more money, and he gave up everything for you, so talk and give him time to adjust to the changed situation.

Work it together or apart, but realize you made him a cute lost puppy and is trying to please. Even females forget the best way to motivate the body is through the mind, or maybe a little help from the little blue friend is a solution.

He sounds like a LOST puppy, who is dependent on you. Who wouldn't under these conditions. But change takes time and never sacrifice good, for perfect.

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Originally Posted by Judy1234567890

If he is close to starting his own business, that may be the solution. He will feel as if he is contributing to the household, and doing something constructive as well. I can see that being away from everyone he knows except you, and being financially dependent on you would make him feel like a lost puppy. No wonder he isn't very sexually active. You are the dominant one in the relationship and that would make any man feel a bit subjugated.

Yes, I think not bring the 'man' of the house might of made him less of a man in the bedroom... I've suggested doing hobbies or some other activities he can do by himself to meet like minded people so I'm not the only person in his life, however he was not so keen on my idea. He has a great tight knit group of friends back home... But it's no good for him as they are quite far away.

And if he knows he is not "pleasing you" then it will only make him worst. Men want to think they are the best.

Only time will tell if having his business will give him some sense of worth and passion back. And you know better than we do, even if he gets it back, how much the differences in each of your desires for sex, and what kind of sex, is a factor in all of this waning sex life.
Many couples have variations on this problem over time, but most aren't this intense.
The question is can you accept a life with this compromise in it?
I don't think it's our job to tell you to leave or not, because it's not involved with abuse or something unfair.
Or more specifically, can you accept this for a certain amount of time?
Perhaps if you set some milestone deadlines for re-evaluation, it won't seem so overwhelming. The obvious next milestone being the business.
As for his puppy dogging, I would try to refrain from offering suggestions for what to do with his life (how to meet people, etc) just because it's all wrapped up in the whole situation of following you to a new place and letting you be the sole support; kind of running the show.