I made the first move on a guy, and my family reacted rather negatively.

"Don't ever do that again! Let guys chase after you, not you chasing after them." my sister said.

"Well, why?" I asked.

"Because if a guy likes you, he'll definitely approach you. And if he doesn't it means he dislikes you,"

My mom just agreed with her. "Yeah, when you make the first moves on a guy you look desperate, it's just tradition." she said. I was super irritated because I don't see any fault in what I did. They tell me I should be confident and brave. I was. "Even if the guy makes the first move, pretend like you don't like them. Guys at your age are immature, and stupid. Making the first move gives them to much power over you. Always be in control." she stated.

So I'm weird and desperate? Why can't girls make the first move? It's ridiculous, in my opinion.

Its very much a cultural thing... but its really not considered a very feminine trait even in many western countries... (keep in mind this is an international site)

We burned our bras a long time ago. There is nothing wrong with a woman making the first move. I don't necessarily agree with OP's sis and mom. Being confident and brave is all the more reason to go after what you want, and if it is a man, then all the power to you!

I might want to add something from the guys perspective that only just occurred to me.

It has to do with hormones... and immaturity.

Young guys need no incentive to procreate with anything that doesn't run away... and to them a young female making the first move means to them something far different than it does to her. Guys mature slower than gals do... but by the time you are in your mid to late 20's... the reasons I gave become far less important to consider.

I agree - age is part of this. Fourteen year old girls are posting on the teen board, crazy in love with someone they barely know, badgering him for a date. He's not ready, he's not interested, he would ask.

On the other hand at 18, it's a different ballgame.

I think it's all in the way it's asked and just what is asked - if you knocked him down and jumped on him, yes, that's an inappropriate approach.

How old and what was your approach?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ke-753411.html

Sorry threads couldn't be merged.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I agree - age is part of this. Fourteen year old girls are posting on the teen board, crazy in love with someone they barely know, badgering him for a date. He's not ready, he's not interested, he would ask.

On the other hand at 18, it's a different ballgame.

I think it's all in the way it's asked and just what is asked - if you knocked him down and jumped on him, yes, that's an inappropriate approach.

How old and what was your approach?

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It wasn't recent. About a few weeks ago, I asked a friend. We were in a regular conversation, and he brought up the topic of movie theatres, so I asked if he wanted to go with me next Saturday on a date. He said yes, and even though we aren't still going out the date went fine.

Maybe it's the wording - rather than ask him on a "date" I would have said, "Want to go to the movies with me on ..."

I know it's exactly the same thing but it sounds more like two people going to the movies and less like two people on a date.

Know what I mean?

Girls here are not shy about asking boys out, My son Nate, gets phone numbers or QQ ( our chat site) every time he goes out. He is 12, (but looks older compared to boys here) he has no interest in girls, but girls are not shy about it

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Maybe it's the wording - rather than ask him on a "date" I would have said, "Want to go to the movies with me on ..."

I know it's exactly the same thing but it sounds more like two people going to the movies and less like two people on a date.

Know what I mean?

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Yeah.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Girls here are not shy about asking boys out, My son Nate, gets phone numbers or QQ ( our chat site) every time he goes out. He is 12, (but looks older compared to boys here) he has no interest in girls, but girls are not shy about it

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I'll ask a boy out if I like him, but I just don't see the point in chasing after a guy who isn't interested. Teenage girls can be cray-cray.

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Originally Posted by Meggssuper13

I'll ask a boy out if I like him, but I just don't see the point in chasing after a guy who isn't interested. Teenage girls can be cray-cray.

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There is a HUGE difference between horny and interested. And teenage girls won't be able to tell the difference before its too late.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

There is a HUGE difference between horny and interested. And teenage girls won't be able to tell the difference before its too late.

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Horny means he just wants, well you know what. And interested, genuinely interested, he actually likes you as person and thinks and you're cute, In my opinion.

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Originally Posted by Meggssuper13

Horny means he just wants, well you know what. And interested, genuinely interested, he actually likes you as person and thinks and you're cute, IMHO.

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Yeah... But how can YOU tell the difference... because young guys lie about it ALL the time... its very rare they are honest about that.

I'm a guy... I was once that age... I also knew MANY , many guys that were very good at being liars to young women...

Don't be fooled MOST guys that age pretend to be interested are really after something else other than your mind.

A guy that's really interested you.. for your mind... will still be there years later if you keep ALL of your clothes on.

That guy would never pressure you into something... and pressure is not just phycially but mentally try to convince you of something HE wants you to do... that you shouldn't be doing..

Something to keep in mind... a female putting out for a guy... never keeps him around forever.

And remember... I am a guy telling you this.

All young guys are interested and think your cute because they are horny. Some are nicer than others about it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Yeah............But how can YOU tell the difference....because young guys lie about it ALL the time.....its very rare they are honest about that.

I'm a guy....I was once that age....I also knew MANY , many guys that were very good at being liars to young women....

Don't be fooled MOST guys that age pretend to be interested are really after something else other than your mind.

A guy that's really interested you ..for your mind....will still be there years later if you keep ALL of your clothes on.

That guy would never pressure you into something.....and pressure is not just phycially but mentally try to convince you of something HE wants you to do...that you shouldn't be doing..

Something to keep in mind.....a female putting out for a guy.....never keeps him around forever.

And remember...I am a guy telling you this.

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Thanks. I really appreciate your advice. I understand that MANY guys are phony and only want one thing, but that doesn't mean all of them are. Thanks again.

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Originally Posted by Meggssuper13

Thanks. I really appreciate your advice. I understand that MANY guys are phony and only want one thing, but that doesn't mean all of them are. Thanks again.

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You will see many of your friends falling for these guys over the next few years... you will see what's going on... they however will not... and not believe you if you tell them most of the time.

Consider this an early lesson on being able to read peoples intentions... get good at it and it will serve you well throughout life particularly as an adult. Many people lie about things and you can learn how to read their facial expressions... and their body language to see when most of them are being dishonest or deceptive.

You should not assume anyone other than your parents have the best intentions... particularly anyone looking to get in your pants... until they have proven themselves worthy... and that actually takes years... not hours, days, weeks or even months.

People start to be themselves after about 3 years in a relationship... that means those first three years they pretend to be something they really aren't. Because you can't easily keep up a deception forever.