Okay, I know my story is so minor compared to all the other stories like this one on here but I know that I feel the same way as all of them. And if you have had that feeling then you should know what I mean. I would especially appreciate some insight on what I should do from someone who has had the same feeling. Not from someone who hasn't felt this way before because you have no idea what it feels like, so just off please.

My story is (I'm only 17 so I not it's not the end of the world but it's my life right now) I've been dating my girlfriend for I think a year and almost 3 months. I was a fat turd for most of my life until a few years ago, so needless to say I started dating her a virgin. I had never even kissed a girl. Her on the other hand was a little different. She had done pretty much everything except give a dude head. So the story is she lost her virginity at a party maybe a month before we ever started talking. I know what everyone is going to say that the past is the past and whatever but to all those people who say that, that answer doesn't help me. Also I already know it's not even that big of a deal. It's not like it consumes my life or anything but when I think about it, I just completely hate her and want to break up with her because it kills me inside. It didn't bother me when we first started dating but since about 6 months in, the thoughts just fester in my head until I finally think about them and it kills me inside.I really don't know what to do because I do love her very much but the thoughts just drive me insane sometimes.

I do realize that this is all my fault and I should not judge her for what has happened before we started dating but I don't know what to do. I feel like if we just keep dating and I just keep putting off the thoughts, they'll soon just haunt me and make everything worse and worse. Maybe just writing this will help me out and maybe come to sense about how stupid I'm acting but who knows.

Please can someone give me some honest insight. Not about how it's not that bad or I should just move on because that's the most obvious answer in the book. I've realized what I should do but it's impossible for me to forget. I do realize this is the internet and people are of course going to hate and say the stuff I know they're going to say but if there is anyone who has had this feeling, please please give me some advice on what I can or should do.

Thanks for reading my piddly assed problems. :)

Break up with her if you can't handle it. She deserves better. Are you perfect? Is she overlooking any imperfections in you?

What kind of insight can we give you? You claim you love her but the knowledge of what she did makes you hate her. It can't be both ways. Obviously this is going to keep eating at you and eventually you will take it out on her in the way you treat her. Break up with her and find someone that has no past at all so you won't be able to judge them and let it fester in your head.

' Not from someone who hasn't felt this way before because you have no idea what it feels like, so just off please.'
There was a swear word in there that got deleted automatically. Are you really that full of your own importance and anger at us?
I am a woman who married a virgin when I was older and had had plenty of sex. It was tough on him, not so much because of my past but because of the learning curve of sex, and also because I was still friends with some of my old boyfriends.
Funny thing is, I was so in love that I was jealous of the years I had missed not knowing him! It was minor and sweet, of course, not the painful kind you are going through. He had carried on a crush on a high school girl 7 years past then, and I was a wee bit jealous because she was so pretty. We ALL have little jealousies. We force ourselves to keep a lid on them, to accept, so that we can keep what we have!
Chronic jealousy over the past is selfish, but worse, it's self-defeating. Eventually you are going to lose her over it. So you might as well leave her to forestall the pain of her leaving you.

If you can see this in practical terms, you will teach yourself to get over it as a means to the goal of keeping her. If you can't do that, then you don't want the relationship enough.

James, you have a lot of anger and it shows. For almost a year you have allowed these thoughts and feelings to eat away at you and now you are striking out at people you are asking for advice. Before they give any. This leads me to a bit of friendly advice: Watch your attitude and your language before you allow them to get you into trouble.

You are very young and were even younger when this relationship began. You were about 15-16? How old was she?

Her past is her past. There is no getting around that fact. You either accept her as she is and who she is with the understanding that her past made her the person you say you love or you let her go.

It is a part of learning how couples interact and relationships grow. Love by itself cannot conquer all. It needs support and a firm foundation. Anger, hurt, and other negative emotions are like termites eating away at the foundation. Sooner or later, they eat away enough that the love falls apart and becomes hate.

I wish I could say that I have hope for this relationship. But I am afraid your anger has already eaten away too much of the foundation. Her past can't change. It is what is. The only hope would be that you can learn to change how you perceive the past. Not just hers but your own. It would take a lot of self-honesty and hard work. Talking to a counselor or an adult you trust. Learning to love and accept yourself, past, present and future.

In all honesty, I think you may need some time to be single and to develop your self-confidence. Get involved in activities that help you learn to like yourself. Even in a relationship, you need to take time to do things you like and to hang out with other people. Giving yourself a strong emotional, mental and physical support system will help you be a better partner and accept your partner as the person she is, not who or what you wish she was.

Good luck.

I would also like to add as you get older the girls you date will get older. As they get older they will have a wide range of history or past that you are going to have to accept. It is not rational to think every girl out there is saving themselves for James. You might even date one some day that has a child. There will be some girls that won't even share their past with you.

So why put up these preconceived relationship stumbling blocks beforehand? If we as people use our past to learn from then our past is not necessarily or always a bad thing.

You are making her pay for her exploring and experimenting and you couldn't. Its not her you hate but yourself and that's made for a very bad attitude and the way you handle yourself. You are essentially afraid of being compared as a person, and boyfriend.

I think old resentment that were there before she came into your life are coming to the surface and she is the target because you have no other positive outlet to those feelings. Consider you know that this is all in YOUR head, but make it about HER actions.

You never dealt with your feelings before in a healthy way. And don't know how now. You need a douse of confidence and self esteem that builds love for yourself, so you can see others in the same positive light you see in yourself. Its much easier when you accept yourself and your own flaws, to accept other's and their flaws.

Confidence and self esteem is what allows you to focus on the positive, and not be so distracted by the negative as anger and hatred is often a product of FEAR. Understandable given your age, but pay attention, and get over that fear so you can LEARN to handle your own emotions and stop imposing what you feel are your own shortcomings on others.

Find what you are so afraid of and threatened by and deal with it. And yes I not only expect feedback, but questions also. That's how advice works.

Thanks for all the feedback and comments. I know I'm probably the furthest thing from perfect and I know I can't change the past. I realize my problems just come from insecurity or some problem within myself but I don't know why. I feel it might be because I haven't been with anyone else and maybe I'm jealous of her or something, or possibly I'm overprotective or something. When I think of breaking up with her and about other people I could date and their pasts, it doesn't seem to bother me the slightest. Like if I was dating another person, I don't think their past would bother me at all. I don't know if it's just because of my first love that it kills me so much or because I do love her and not anyone I can imagine being with, if that makes any sense? I really do not want to break up with her because we hang out 24/7 and when we do we are great most of the time. (These thoughts are mainly in my head and the large majority of the time I am actually a good boyfriend in my eyes. I try to be a gentleman and get her doors and never treat her badly. Surprisingly as they may sound from this post.) So I do not want to loose her, but I know it's not fair for her because she has been a great girlfriend since we started dating. Also I hate the thoughts of all of it that I can't sleep sometimes. Sometimes I think it might just be for the best if we broke up. Please someone correct me if I am thinking about doing the wrong thing, or some more advice on what I should do. Thank you guys so much and hopefully I can make the right decision on what happens next.

Keep working on yourself and have fun, and as long a you are, don't make your fear a big deal. The way I see it, enjoy it while you got it because that teen love is fleeting and subject to change.

Thank you a lot for all this. I think just thinking about it and talking about it may have been what I needed because honestly I do feel better. I appreciate your advice a lot.

James,

I have gone through what you said in the first post and what your thoughts are after you got so much feedback. It is positive sign that you have sort of accepted the truth and have undergone necessary transformation or so. From the persual of your viewpoints, I have judged that you have a strong and keen sense of observation and very brilliant power of expression. It shows you can be a great writer, if you try. Why not write a story? About your case, I would suggest you to keep calm. Love, for me, is accepting the lover/fellow/other(s) as he/she/they is/are and as he/she/they is/are not.