Ask Me Help Desk - Why do grown children all of a sudden forget they ever had a mother?

Hello
My son never calls me or ever lets me see my granddaughter. I tried writing to him & he never writes back or returns my emails. I haven't seen my granddaughter over a yr nor my son. Soon my grandbaby will be 2 yrs old & will never get to know me. I get depressed about this. I just miss my son so much. I wish he would not do this to me anymore. Help.
Thanks
Marta 2005:(

You didn't mention that you tried to call him, just write letters and emails.

Why haven't you tried to call him? Maybe if you call him and can invite him over it will give you the opportunity to express these feelings to him.

It is possible that he doesn't realize how much this affects you.

Do you have any more children?

Is your son's father in the picture?

How exactly did you get along when he was younger?

What kind of concerns did you son have growing up? Did you even listen to them?

Was there a fight between you two?

When exactly did he quit talking to you.

If you could provide a little more information that would be helpful.

I have tried to call my son but he hangs up the phone. I never had problems with him when he was growing up.. I always listened to him. We were so close.. I always would take him with me when I was taking college courses. During the evening... he was about 12 at the time.. now he earned his degree as a special ed teacher at the age of 27. Yes, his dad has always been in the picture.. I left his dad for being so abusive toward me & my daughter& very strict with my son. For that my son left his home to live with his dad's sister then he moved back home only to see the same stuff going on until he decided to get his own place.. my son always seen what was going on & never said a word about nothing. He kept silent.. his dad is always in the picture.. not me. He gets to see his grandchild. Neither does my side of the family ever get to see the baby. When I would go to visit him, he'd let me hold the baby for 10 min & say that he had to go out with his wife & her mother.it was like that all the time I would arrive. I did call him & invite him &his wife to breakfast & they accepted. I was so thrilled but not so thrilled to see that my ex husband was there too. I just swallowed it. I was only happy to see my son ,his wife & baby.. I would call him & ask if they are going out to a movie &that I would love to babysit. His wife just said that she'll think about it but never once callled me. When I visited them I drove guite a few miles to see them & it was like they made feel like I shouldn't be there. I only went every 2 weeks to visit. I felt hurt& took them to court & I didn't show up due to I had no money for lawyer. Now my son won't speak to me! :(

Not the nice preacher side of lets all live together happy, this is person expericne from my own mom.

Let me see you filed a law suit against him because you were not seeing your grand child enough, and you wonder why now he is hanging up??

Ok, first I am sure his story, at least the way he views life is different, he may see going with your to college classes and not being allowed to be home and enjoy being a kid as a bad thing, but just never told you. He may blame you for the divorce with his dad, and may have listened to what his dad said and is taking sides ( it does happen)

I will give you the example of my mom, any and every time I see her, I never did the right job, I did not stay married to my first wife, and she starts by telling me how she is always right and so on. I did not call or see her for 4 years because of that. And now I see her less than once a year and we have a 7 year old she has seen once, and that was once to many times as far as I am still concerned.

so Yes I would say if he actually told you what he though, and why, it would not be the story you believe it is. Now your version could be the right one, it does not really matter, since to HIM, his version is the one he remembers.

So lets sum this up, you were getting to see them once every two weeks, so since you were not happy with that, you sued them in court, and now you wonder why he is hanging up.

Sorry but if my mother had tried to sue me I doubt she would ever see me again either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by marta2007

i felt hurt& took them to court & i didn't show up due to i had no money for lawyer. now my son won't speak to me!!:(

I'm sorry I didn't really get the few sentences that lead up to this situation? From what I gather you felt like you weren't getting there attention and the attention of the child. So you took them to court. Well there's your answer as to why he doesn't want anything to do with you.

I think there's a lot more that your not saying here and I'm going to be honest with you. The reason I asked all those questions is because I don't speak to my mom and dad. My dad is mainly the reason why as he was verbally and mentally abusive to me as a kid. He would then do and say things to purposely make me feel bad but in public everybody thought he was this nice, down to earth, funny and loving guy. But behind closed doors he was such a huge coward and purposely and with great pride put me down. After I finally called him on it one night when I was a teenager and now much bigger then him he started playing this game where he would be nice to me but say things behind my back to my sister or mother. I kept letting it go and did for years even into adulthood but I pretty much gave up on trying to be nice to him because he was a fake. Finally, a couple years ago he purposely interfered in my life and cost me a great opportunity and did something that was completely illegal. I called him up and tore into him and he sat there like a complete coward and said he didn't know what I was talking about. When I through the facts at him and proved that I knew he did know he started to change the subject.

That's me but I can tell you as the kid in that situation that if he's not talking to you there is a long history that your either in denial about or your not telling the whole truth about. But your took your child to court and something like that doesn't just happen. To get to that point there are YEARS of personal feelings that have been used and abused. This didn't just happen overnight and I don't want to through my own personal situation at you but I really take offense to this "oh I don't know why my son doesn't want to talk to me" stuff as some sort of guilt trip. You know good and well that taking your son to court is grounds for separation. The reason you state you didn't follow through was you didn't have the money. It had nothing to do with your son or his feelings.

Your trying to use emotional guilt trips to get your way. My dad does the same thing to my sister and actually used her as a emotional human bait to try and get me to come over to my parents. My dad is a coward for doing that because he can't apologize for what he's done so he uses his daughter. Your using the courts. Try using your heart and some honesty.

I'll tell you what I'd love for my father to admit that he knew what he was doing to me but the reality he's going to his grave that way. You can too or you can be honest with yourself and say "Yes I made some mistakes and I'm going to try and change them." Then be honest with your son and admit them. Then follow through and actually change.