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-   -   Why its really hard to move on? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=752590)

  • Jun 7, 2013, 08:53 AM
    rinmotokimika26
    Why its really hard to move on?
    I've known this guys for almost 7 years and I've been in love with him since I was in high school. Now I'm taking my last year in college. We reunited a year ago and decided to continue our "interrupted" relationship. That time, I think I gave in all my feelings and guessed that it will never end. But I'm wrong, it ended though we still keep in touch and nothing has changed. And then he met a girl, he didn't tell me and I was shocked that they were already dating and now they are together.

    It's been 8 months, to be exact, since he left me broken hearted and the memories keep popping into my mind. What should I do? :( Is it normal?
  • Jun 7, 2013, 09:37 AM
    Oliver2011
    Break up suck. We have all been there and we have all survived. You will as well. It is normal to feel the way you do - but only for a while. There are things you can do to move your life forward.

    First accept the fact that this was his decision and really there's nothing you can do about it now.

    Second - get off your buttocks and do stuff. Think about it - if you sit around just thinking about what's his name, you will be moping and depressed. If you are out exercising, going out with friends, starting a new hobby, taking salsa lessons, etc. your mind will be active and little by little you will start to feel better.

    Third - learn from this. Your next boyfriend can't be your entire life. You need friends and activities of your own. Your next man is an addition to your life, he isn't your complete life.

    I tell people all the time that back in 2008 I lost the job that I loved. It was very upsetting. So I found another job about 3 months later. In working where I work I met the love of my life. We started dating and we are now living together. So you never know what can happen when you get change in your life. So embrace change. Sometimes change can be a very good thing.

    I wish you the best.
  • Jun 7, 2013, 02:59 PM
    talaniman
    Yes its normal to be heartbroken for more than 8 months after losing an attachment of 7 years. Cut all contact if you can and gradually it gets better as you rebuild your own happiness.
  • Jul 1, 2013, 09:28 AM
    rinmotokimika26
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Oliver2011 View Post
    Break up suck. We have all been there and we have all survived. You will as well. It is normal to feel the way you do - but only for a while. There are things you can do to move your life forward.

    First accept the fact that this was his decision and really there's nothing you can do about it now.

    Second - get off your buttocks and do stuff. Think about it - if you sit around just thinking about what's his name, you will be moping and depressed. If you are out exercising, going out with friends, starting a new hobby, taking salsa lessons, etc., your mind will be active and little by little you will start to feel better.

    Third - learn from this. Your next boyfriend can't be your entire life. You need friends and activities of your own. Your next man is an addition to your life, he isn't your complete life.

    I tell people all the time that back in 2008 I lost the job that I loved. It was very upsetting. So I found another job about 3 months later. In working where I work I met the love of my life. We started dating and we are now living together. So you never know what can happen when you get change in your life. So embrace change. Sometimes change can be a very good thing.

    I wish you the best.


    Hi! Thank you for this advice. Really helpful! But things changed, He and his girlfriend broke up and then he tried to talked to me again but I don't want to. He said he wants us to be friends AGAIN and he was sorry for hurting me. Should I accept him again or Should I just keep my distance? (It's difficult cause I'm not that healed). Thank you!
  • Jul 1, 2013, 09:32 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rinmotokimika26 View Post
    Hi! Thank you for this advice. Really helpful! But things changed, He and his girlfriend broke up and then he tried to talked to me again but I don't want to. He said he wants us to be friends AGAIN and he was sorry for hurting me. Should I accept him again or Should I just keep my distance? (It's difficult cause I'm not that healed). Thank you!
    I'd do No Contact and keep him at a distance. Being friends after a breakup is never a good idea and doesn't usually work very well.
  • Jul 1, 2013, 09:35 AM
    rinmotokimika26
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Yes its normal to be heartbroken for more than 8 months after losing an attachment of 7 years. Cut all contact if you can and gradually it gets better as you rebuild your own happiness.
    Hi! Thank you for this. It's really helpful. I cut all my contact and start not talking to him, I even blocked him on Facebook. I'm really decided to stop if he and his girlfriend reached their first anniversary, but things changed. They broke up. And I was shocked to received a call from him saying that he was sorry for hurting me and he wants us to be friends again. But I don't trust him anymore. I told him that. And now, he's trying to put back my trust on him. What now? :(

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    I'd do No Contact and keep him at a distance. Being friends after a breakup is never a good idea and doesn't usually work very well.
    Maybe I just need more time. Thanks! :)
  • Jul 1, 2013, 11:24 AM
    Oliver2011
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rinmotokimika26 View Post
    Maybe I just need more time. Thanks! :)
    More time for what? Positive things = meeting new people, exercise, appreciating the smaller things in life, activities with friends, etc.

    OR

    Negative things = Not being physically active or keeping your mind mentally activity, thinking about him, not moving your life forward, not getting together with close friends for fun, etc.

    You know the right answer here...
  • Jul 1, 2013, 11:58 AM
    talaniman
    Stay with No Contact until you have healed and to be honest do you really need his drama ever again in your life knowing what you know about him and his ways? You can do better. Look forward not back.
  • Jul 3, 2013, 02:30 PM
    none12345
    The only way to go here is No Contact. If you keep in contact with this guy, you'll keep wondering if you should get back together. It appears that you know you don't. A friendship won't work in this situation.
  • Jul 4, 2013, 11:02 PM
    sushmita585
    Dear the same thing I am also experiencing these days. I started loving my best friend but he refused my feelings. Life has become a burden. >Contact request removed per site rules.<
  • Jul 14, 2013, 12:37 AM
    rinmotokimika26
    Thank you for all your answers in here. It was really helpful. I'm doing great! I enjoy things in school, bonding with friends and family. I rarely think of him this past few days. I just want to be happy, I don't want to be stressed-out anymore. Recently, I'm focusing on my thesis paper. Wish me luck! Hope to graduate this March. Thank you so much. :)))

    P.S: His ex-girlfriend is bugging me and she's really getting into my nerves. She acted as if I'm the one who stole the guy. Deym! I'm just keeping it cool, but 1 day I may burst. Hahaha. :D

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