I am one of 6 children. The 1st 3 were boys, then me, then another boy, then a sister. My dad was career Navy. My mother treated us all about the same, except the 2nd one. She hated him. She wrote my dad letters before my brother was born that she hated him. What would cause her to do this?

Honestly hun, you would have to ask your mother. We can assume we know what caused that, but we don't know entirely what their situation was.

There may be something between your parents that they chose not to tell you for their own reasons.

This is something that you really need to talk to your mother about.

She died many years ago. So did my dad.

Maybe she cheated on your father and your father was not the father of this child. Perhaps her hatred was a belief that he was not part of the family and as such treated him that way.

Maybe she wanted another girl.

We considered that, but just looking at him says he's my brother. I think my Dad came home drunk & raped her. Back then, late 40's, it wasn't considered rape.

There must be some reason for her dislike of this child. If he were an only child and she disliked him we could assume she was mentally unstable or something happened or maybe just wasn't capable of being a mother. However, having other children and caring for them and loving them proves that she can be a mother. How was her relationship with each of the other children? How did your Dad and that brother get along? Most importantly, how is your brother's feelings about it? I am sure he's quite hurt, has he been able to move beyond it? I have a similar but less extreme version within my family. My mother always, always preferred my brother over me. My dad preferred me over my brother. I never realized how much of a problem that was until my dad died when I was 14 years old and I felt that I was a homeless child, more or less. She didn't change one bit after his death and I was like a black sheep in the family. It's been 16 years since he died and I've tried forgiving her and understanding her but I can't forgive. (There's a lot to do with her personality and the age she seems to be stuck in) My theory with her is that she had a horrible relationship with her father, who was an abusive alcoholic and she felt she could "fix" that relationship by having a real close relationship with my brother. (I hope that makes sense!) It doesn't sound like this fits your family but at least you have someone who can relate somewhat. Do you have other family members alive who may have answers, like your mom's sister or best friend, someone she may have talked to? If not, the best thing you and your brother can do is try to understand and work through it. He may need some counseling with a traditional counselor of some sort or even a good lifecoach can offer different ways of dealing with the pain. The point is, whether an answer can ever be found, he needs to know he's loved and accepted for who he is.

Well, my brother is 60 now. He's moved on, as they say. My older brother, John, and I have tried to answer this question. We've had little success. Both my parents are dead, as are her sisters. My Dad was an enabler. He should have protected his son, instead he ignored the abuse. I asked him about it years later. He said he just tried to "keep the peace." Oh, broher!