Ask Me Help Desk - Struggling to want a relationship?

Struggling to want a relationship?

Hi, I will try and keep this brief, here goes...

Basically me and my ex girlfriend split up 5 years ago, and since then I have not had one relationship. I've met a few girls that I have ended up being good friend with and one in particular that I see and speak to all the time and would like more than friendship, but she doesn't seem interested as we discussed it a year or so ago and she said she just wanted to be friends. So I just have to accept it which is a struggle as we go on holiday together etc. etc. and especially when I see her with other guys!

But apart from this when I'm out with friends etc I really struggle to find girls that I'm interested in, I just can't seem to bring myself to make an effort to find a girlfriend. Maybe I'm just scared of rejection but I'm in a massive hole and can't seem to get myself out?

Help?

Have you tried a dating site? Sometimes you just need something to help you take a first step.

Ok I do see where you are getting at hun but I have a question for you what are you looking for in a women? I say wright down what you are looking for and right down what you liked about your ex. I think you are still in to your ex and that would make it hard to get other girls in your life. Love comes to all. If it's love your looking for stop looking love will find you, just be yourself and nothing more and I a sure you love will find you just take every day on with your head held high smile and always think positive and what you want to find will find you. Fr. worry_momma

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Just let it happen naturally. There is no time clock on this either. You could meet someone special next month, next year, or a couple of years from now. If you try to force it you will rush things along too quickly and it won't work out great in the end. So just let it happen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Have you tried a dating site? Sometimes you just need something to help you take a first step.

I agree, give online dating a try. Online dating like freakin-out gives you chance to connect with single worldwide. I am using this site from last year and have met 2-3 guys, they were actually good.

I suggest to try your luck on this site.

Good Luck Dear !

I don't know how long your last relationship lasted, but if you have been five years and counting without at least some progress in establishing another relationship, this may be a mind set you are in, or maybe a pattern. Or, maybe you lack confidence or are poor with social skills.

If you even lack the desire or ability to try, even though you would like to be in a relationship, what do you think is the problem here. Is it that 'massive hole' you describe yourself as being in?

If you are depressed, or unwell in some way, that will affect relationships with everybody, not just a potential girlfriend.

Do you have friends and activities? Are you employed? Are there any substance abuse problems? How long have you been in this rut.

I think that there is more to what you are saying than simply not finding a girlfriend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I don't know how long your last relationship lasted, but if you have been five years and counting without at least some progress in establishing another relationship, this may be a mind set you are in, or maybe a pattern. Or, maybe you lack confidence or are poor with social skills.

If you even lack the desire or ability to try, even though you would like to be in a relationship, what do you think is the problem here. Is it that 'massive hole' you describe yourself as being in?

If you are depressed, or unwell in some way, that will affect relationships with everybody, not just a potential girlfriend.

Do you have friends and activities? Are you employed? Are there any substance abuse problems? How long have you been in this rut.

I think that there is more to what you are saying than simply not finding a girlfriend.

I am just a normal kind of guy really, I am employed and have a very well paid job. I have many friends. I have been in this rut for a good few years. I wouldn't say I was depressed, but maybe I am?

My last relationship lasted for about 4 years, and the one before that 2 years.

It seems normal to me to plane my life on my own now. When I'm thinking about things i.e. moving house in the future I don't even think that it will be with anyone. Its like its normal not to have a girlfriend.

And by the way,I really don't want to do online dating it just doesn't work in my mind!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ks-709225.html

Has this issue been addressed? Online dating is a great opportunity to date and have fun if you don't get latched on romance. Romance happens while you date.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ks-709225.html

Has this issue been addressed? Online dating is a great opportunity to date and have fun if you don't get latched on romance. Romance happens while you date.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

Sort of, I manage to get by OK now but I know it does subconsciously play on my mind. I am now loads better since that post

"When im thinking about things i.e. moving house in the future i dont even think that it will be with anyone."

Are you doing other things in your life that would give you a greater opportunity to meet women? Tennis lessons? Joining a gym? Going to your house of worship? Cooking classes? Sometimes we need to shake up our routine to make things happen in our lives.

Regardless I would rather be alone that settle on someone just because I want to be in a relationship.

Dating is just that dating, you take time to find out about people, maybe like someone outside the normal ciricle. You ask people out, go out, have fun and see where it goes