Ask Me Help Desk - Abusive parents.

Abusive parents.

So my life sucks right now. My parents hate me and abuse me physically and emotionally, I've been thinking a lot about suicide, and I want to get adopted by a family that can actually love me. My religion is something called Sikhism. Basically, in this religion, I'm not allowed to cut my hair... ever. So it's pretty long and gets REALLY hot in the summer. I want to get adopted really badly and I just don't want my parents to get in trouble because, they may not have ever loved me, but they gave me food and shelter for a long time. Please help me. I'm a girl who's running out of time. As of right now, I don't see any point in talking, of breathing, or living. And sometime soon, I'm going to stop pretending to be happy all the time and just kill myself. So, please help me. I want to know what it feels like to live a life in which my family will love me. And I'll never stop dreaming about that day... whether it comes, or not.

I'm guessing you are maybe 12 or 13? In which country?

What is the physical abuse?

USA. They've slapped me, spanked me... pretty much everything. Once, they used a tennis racket and hit me with it. I had bruises for a month.

Quote:

Originally Posted by niyati703

USA. They've slapped me, spanked me... pretty much everything. Once, they used a tennis racket and hit me with it. I had bruises for a month.

Your age? You have called the police or reported your parents to Child Protective Services, or at least reported them to your school?

Ummm... if there's one thing my parents have taught me... it's not to tell my age to someone I don't know... especially online. And no, I haven't told anyone except my one really close friend. Again, I don't want to get my parents in trouble.

Quote:

Originally Posted by niyati703

Ummm... if there's one thing my parents have taught me... it's not to tell my age to someone I don't know... especially online. And no, I haven't told anyone except my one really close friend. Again, I don't want to get my parents in trouble.

If you want to be removed from your home, you are going to have to report them and get them in trouble, There is no other way. Since you mentioned going to the prom in your other question, I have a good idea of your age.

There is nothing you are doing to merit any of your parents swats and physical punishment?

Sorry, they just hit me again. If they get in trouble, will they go to jail? Can I just tell the adoption officers that they don't love me and not mention the abuse so that they don't get in trouble? I'm not doing anything to make them hit me or anything. And I just used the prom example because my brother went to his senior ball today and stuff... so yeah.

You can't be adopted without parental permission. You can be taken from your parents and put in foster care, which may not be at all what you hope. Some foster parents are loving; some just want the paycheck. You don't get to choose where you go. Your parents will indeed get in trouble if you are taken from them.

Ugh. I guess I'm stuck with the life I have, then. Thanks joypulv and Wondergirl. I hope I can handle my life... or else I might just have to do something about it... which I have limited to telling the police or suicide. The latter, I think. Thanks for the help. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by niyati703

Ummm... if there's one thing my parents have taught me... it's not to tell my age to someone I don't know... especially online. .

While that is generally good advice it doesn't apply here. First, because you can create an anonymous screen name to protect you. Second, because the nature of your question makes it necessary for us to know your approximate age to be able to give quality advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by niyati703

And no, I haven't told anyone except my one really close friend. Again, I don't want to get my parents in trouble.

You are not going to get out from under your parents without reporting them. For you to be placed with another family is a legal process and the only way it is going to happen to get the law involved.

Do you have any understanding relatives?

Quote:

Originally Posted by niyati703

limited to telling the police or suicide.

Your friends will miss you and blame themselves. Your parents will feel the same way. I won't even mention your brother (and other siblings?) and how he will handle it.

At 18, you will be legally an adult and can do whatever you wish.

I guess I'll just have to get over it and toughen up then. Because I'm not going through the law just to make my life "comfortable". So never mind to everyone else. This is my battle... and I'm going to have to learn to fight it on my own.

Quote:

Originally Posted by niyati703

I guess I'll just have to get over it and toughen up then. Because I'm not going through the law just to make my life "comfortable". So nevermind to everyone else. This is my battle... and I'm going to have to learn to fight it on my own.

I don't think calling it a "battle" is a good way to proceed. Why do they hit you? Are you doing or saying things they don't like?

When I was your age, I searched my parents' desk and dresser drawers, looking for papers to prove they weren't really my parents. After all, my REAL parents wouldn't treat me the way these people were treating me! I had to do chores every day when I got home from school, had to babysit my younger sibs for free and be their perfect role model, I wasn't allowed to go to sleepovers with my friends, I couldn't stay after school for any activities (school or social), I couldn't attend any school dances (EVER!), not even the prom, and I MIGHT be allowed to date when I was 16, depending. My dad was the small-town minister, and I was expected to be perfect, a light shining in the darkness. The lady who lived next door used her binoculars to watch me when I was outside and later when I finally started to date (when my date brought me home and we'd sit in his car for a while before I went inside), and reported back to my mom.

I lived to tell about it and am not TOO warped now.

You need to call Child Protective Services right away. If you let this continue it will destroy your life even more. Regardless of whatever threats your parents give you, you need to tell somebody about this. I would know. My brother has practically (and in some cases literally) tortured me throughout my life. If you want help tell somebody. I feel very bad for you. Nobody should have to live like that.

Suicide is not the way out of things. I've though of suicide since I was in second grade, and I'm thirteen now. It'll be a struggle, but I can promise you with all of my heart that you will make it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by patnatwilla

You need to call Child Protective Services right away.

I'm not saying I don't disagree with you, but I don't believe the situation is that bad. Clearly the OP does not want his parents in trouble with the law. If the situation was that bad that CPS had to be called in, then I doubt if he would feel that way.

There may also be a cultural thing going on here.that we may not understand.

I would agree that it might help if the OP discusses this with someone. A clergyman or school counselor.

I too was convinced that my parents weren't my real parents, but unfortunately my mother and I shared the same congenitally missing teeth, and I have a lot of moles like my dad.

I felt tortured by my mother, not my father. I cried in my room every day. Getting away from home after high school actually didn't 'free' me in the ways I had expected. I wish you all the best.

There is no such a thing as a perfect family every family has their problems as surprising as that might be, but if you have abusive parents it is best you report it to the child protection services I know it can be hard and you don't want to get them in trouble. Don't be scared because if you don't do something now you may regret it for a long time even after you tuen 18 and can get away from them. ~good luck~