Ask Me Help Desk - Broken Plates

Is it right to be this way? Maybe I am the only one who can answer this but I would like your insights... Ever since I was little my mother has always chosen guys over her kids espcecially her daughters. For example, I was sexually abuse by her boyfriend, she watched him do it and denied it. Ever since I always told myself I would be different with my kids especially if I had a daughter. Well the day came that I had my first kid and lord behold it was a girl! LoL Anyway, after a while I found that sometimes I put my daughter's father's needs before her's so I stopped and our relationship started falling apart so with no feelings and after 5 years of being together I left him. Another relationship that I had was with some guy, (after my daughter's father was locked up) I started seeing him spending nights at his house and leaving my daughter with my mom. After a couple of weeks I got really mad at myself and started taking my daughter with me. We were practically living with the guy. After that happened, we started making love less often. The same thing happened with the last guy I was with and even though I'm not with him I still remember the last thing he said to me, why are you making every one pay for your mothers broken plates. To me it feels like I lost the desire to have sex. Plus half the time I'm too tired to have sex. I work 9 hours a day take care of daughter and cook for us. I get up at 5 in the morning and crash till 11 sometimes I feel like falling alseep in my daughters bed. I understand my partner needs attention too but why can't he understand that if I am doing all this that I get tired. Plus he is not willing to help with my daughter like at bath time, because she is a girl and doesn't want to be accused of anything. My daughter is 19 months and if I am right there within eyes view what is the big deal?

Honest opinion.

Some guy, sex, and past history with your mother isint worth having your daughter dragged through with you.

Leave the guy alone and concentrate on what's important, work, and your daughter.

You have too much baggage and relationships are not for you right now, so take care of your daughter and leave the guys alone. You and her deserve better than a string of broken relationships. She needs a caring healthy mother, not a revolving door of part time dads. Please get help to walk you through the process of healthy living.

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Originally Posted by urstruly85

I was sexually abuse by her boyfriend, she watched him do it and denied it.

You let that same woman do this……

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Originally Posted by urstruly85

Another relationship that I had was with some guy, (after my daughter's father was locked up) I started out seeing him spending nights at his house and leaving my daughter with my mom.

I’m sorry but your mom can’t be trusted with children.

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Originally Posted by urstruly85

Plus half the time I'm too tired to have sex. I work 9 hours a day take care of daughter and cook for us. I get up at 5 in the morning and crash till 11 sometimes I feel like falling alseep in my daughters bed. I understand my partner needs attention too but why can't he understand that if I am doing all this that I get tired.

I don’t have kids so I don’t really know but isn’t it kind of normal for them to wear out their parents. In this regard I don’t think being tired is any different from anyone else. But all that being said it’s not really your boyfriends responsibility to raise your child. I can understand why they feel offended. I’m not by any means suggesting they should abuse or doing anything harmful but as a guy I can tell you I don’t like interfering with someone else’s child.

I had an ex that had a daughter and she told me many times to correct her daughter or scold her if she was acting up. I never did because that’s not my job. Despite what some people say it doesn’t take a village to raise a child it takes the parent or legal guardian.

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Originally Posted by urstruly85

Plus he is not willing to help with my daughter like at bath time, because she is a girl and doesn't want to be accused of anything. My daughter is 19 months and if I am right there within eyes view what is the big deal?

Honestly, I can’t believe you’d suggest that anyone bath her but you. I agree 100% with him. I wouldn’t ever do something like that. Who knows how she might remember that in a few years and turn it around against him. The cops aren’t going to do any real investigation or they will easily turn it around against him and some prosecutor looking for an easy conviction so that he can run on the platform “I’m tough against child molesters” will take the case if a little girl says she was touched by mommy’s boyfriend years ago and he can’t prove otherwise. He’s facing a jury that automatically thinks he’s guilty because jury’s do in cases like that and he’s screwed for life. All for a bath that you are going to stand and watch. Not in a million years should he or any guy subject himself to that.