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I am 29 and my botfriend is 40 we have a great sex life (everyday) but when I am up for it for the second time he says he is tired but when he goes home he watches porn on his phone and pleasures himself. What do I make of that and he watches it a lot of videos. I have asked him if he is happy with our sex life and if he woul like to try anything new, he says he is very happy with how things are. I have told him how it makes me feel him watching it but he still watches it and that hurts more
How do you know he watches porn?
I was using his phone to use the net as mine was playing up and he didn't close the page of what he watching properly so I looked into the historyQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
How do you know he is pleasuring himself?
When I confronted him about it he told that he didQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Confronted him?? Why is his private activity any of your business?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kizzz
Maybe he watches porn because videos don't nag and confront him -
I don't think you have a good sex life, and I don't know that frequency is what counts when the word "good" enters into a discussion of your sex life. He needs/wants something else/different/more.
I really agree that this is none of your business unless/until it affects your sex life, at which point your sex life is not "good" - apparently the sex isn't frequent enough for you. It happens.
The question is whether this is a short-term relationship or, if it's long term, if you can live with your boyfriend watching porn.
I don't think you have a right to make any demands.
And he also said that he does it relax. I don't understand that. We have been together for 5 years and he had said to me a few months after we were together that he doesn't watch porn because it does nothing for him, when I found out that he was it really hurt that he lied about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kizzz
You had pushed him into a corner and forced him to lie. And he lied because he thought that was want you wanted to hear.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kizzz
He is my boyfriend I should no everything about him. Don't u thinkQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
No, I don't. I have been married for almost 46 years and don't know everything about my husband. He is entitled to privacy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kizzz
I never questioned him about it he told me himself. I thought there were understanding people on this site but I was wrong. If I knew there were judgmental people on here I would never have joined. I don't think you have a right to judge me and my sex life I just needed to understand why he watches it not for your and anyone else's stupid and insensitive commentsQuote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
You yourself said you confronted him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kizzz
I am not judging you at all. I am answering your question from my point of view. That's not judging.
Let's say that you cannot wash your hair unless he is with you and helping you. Never by yourself. Would you like that?
This happens over and over - people ask for input. If "you" agree with them you get applause; if you disagree you are judgmental. This is another question where people should ask their friends who would probably agree just to keep the peace as opposed to strangers who would tell the truth.
I've been married and I've been in relationships - and, no, I don't think I have a need to know everything about the other person. I'm sure that's judgmental, too.
You yourself said you asked him if he is happy with your sex life and he has said he is - and that includes going back to his place, watchig porn and possibly masturbating. He's happy as can be with the arrangement. You, on the other hand, are not.
If he wanted you to know everything and if he wanted you to police him 24/7 I would think he would move in with you. I guess he doesn't.
He probably wants to relax unwind, and fall asleep in his own bed after good sex. Why is that's a problem if that's his routine? Probably been doing it longer than he has been with you.
Don't be so sensitive, if you are trying to understand him, then keep talking to him, and if it what he does upsets you, talk to him some more. Not confront in anger, but calmly communicate.
You seem not to believe what he has told you, why not?
I would guess that he told you he didn't watch porn because of something you may not even remember saying. A discussion that may have included your feelings about porn or you reacting to others talking about it and he tried to make you happy. He may have even tried to stop to make it true. But he shouldn't have said it.
Only he can give you his reasons for watching porn. But you have to be willing to listen. You also have to be willing to accept it is his choice and he owes no apologies. Promises to give it up should not be asked for, made, or accepted.
Generally speaking, masturbation is about relaxation and stress relief. It is about taking care of one's own needs without having to worry about a partner's needs. Another factor can be the ability to stop or fall asleep without climaxing or upsetting a partner.
IF you are willing to adapt to his use of porn and accept it as something you can't change:
You are talking about him going home when you are wanting a second round. He may not be fully capable of giving you what you want when you want it. If you are expecting the second round immediately after the first, then you aren't giving his body time to reset for another about. So your expectations may be a little unrealistic.
Talk with him and see if there might be a thought of trying some changes. Perhaps, you (plural usage) are rushing through sex and need to take more time to make the one round last longer. Maybe starting earlier in the day/evening and having cuddle time between rounds.
If you cannot handle the thought of his using porn, then let him go. There is no sense in trying to stay together if you are going to continue to be upset and if you might take it out on him. If you stay, it means no snooping for porn use or making him feel uncomfortable. You can ask him to continue to be discreet.
Remember that the only person you can change is yourself. You cannot change someone else.
After five years is it time to examine your expectations for the future and make certain you are both wanting the same things?
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