Ask Me Help Desk - How do I tell my parents we are engaged?

To give some background my partner and I have been together for 5 years since we were in school together, we are 22 now, and were friends for a few years before. Before him I had one other sexual relationship which lasted 2 1/2 years. I was his first. We've had our ups and downs and have even broken up and both slept with someone else during this time. It didn't last very long before we were back together and we are both extremely happy together now having figured out the problems that split us up.
We've now decided to get engaged but because of the way things have been in the past my parents really don't like him (he was never violent or anything just a typical young man getting too drunk with friend etc and never cheated), to the extent that when we were having issues I didn't feel I could even ask their advice, they make it very clear they have no interest in him. Could anyone offer any advice as to how to go about telling them we have decided to get engaged? I want to cause the least upset possible and am not certain how to approach it?

Thank you in advance

There's no way to cause the least possible upset. I suggest the two of you sit down with them, present your case, and have a pow-wow.

I'm sure I wouldn't be shocked if you were my child. Why? Because doing the math, you were 17 when you started seeing him and 2 1/2 years before that you were in a sexual relationship. That puts you at 14 or 15? If that didn't upset them, being engaged won't either.

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Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

I'm sure I wouldn't be shocked if you were my child. Why? Because doing the math, you were 17 when you started seeing him and 2 1/2 years before that you were in a sexual relationship. That puts you at 14 or 15? If that didn't upset them, being engaged won't either.

Yes I was about 17 when we started dating. We waited 6 months before having sex as we were both worried about not having a friendship at all if things didn't work out so agreed to take it slowly from the get go. The partner I had before that was a year older than myself and we first got together at 14 but didn't sleep together until I was 15 and he was 16. I know this is still very young although it didn't seem it at the time, but I'm sure we all feel that way. My mother was simply very supportive when I told her and even came with me to get the pill so we weren't relying solely on condoms.

I'm not worried that they will be surprised by the engagement I just don't think they will take it very well and don't want it to cause a rift between us. I've contemplated gathering all of our loved ones together to tell them but I'm worried that in the same way they could put on a smile in public then think about it and discuss it in private it could also backfire and go very badly.

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Originally Posted by amberlou

I'm worried that in the same way they could put on a smile in public then think about it and discuss it in private it could also backfire and go very badly.

How could it backfire? What could your parents and family do? -- disinherit you? Refuse to talk to you? Refuse to even see you?

You're 22 and an adult. Make adult decisions.

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Originally Posted by amberlou

Yes I was about 17 when we started dating. We waited 6 months before having sex as we were both worried about not having a friendship at all if things didn't work out so agreed to take it slowly from the get go. The partner I had before that was a year older than myself and we first got together at 14 but didn't sleep together until I was 15 and he was 16. I know this is still very young although it didn't seem it at the time, but I'm sure we all feel that way. My mother was simply very supportive when I told her and even came with me to get the pill so we weren't relying solely on condoms.

I'm not worried that they will be surprised by the engagement I just don't think they will take it very well and don't want it to cause a rift between us. I've contemplated gathering all of our loved ones together to tell them but I'm worried that in the same way they could put on a smile in public then think about it and discuss it in private it could also backfire and go very badly.

Reading all of your previous posts, I can see why they should be concerned. You've posted problems with your relationship since 2011, and even through 2013. Problems don't resolve themselves so quickly.

I can understand your parents' concern. I don't actually approve of the boy my daughter is dating (they are 19), and if she came to me with this news, even at 22 (if it were the same boy she is dating now), I would be very disappointed in that decision and not at all supportive.