Psychology Today: Rekindling old flames

Might be interested in the above ^ - Please do not take it for reality in your situation :P Just an interesting read

Here is a bit which is important:

The original problems will always be reactivated. The conflicts that caused the original breakup are absolutely integral to the basic personality and character structure of each partner. In the intervening years there must have been a learning from life, a basic individual growth process in which one has dealt with this core issue, before the reunion can succeed. This is the case whatever the problems that led to the breakup in the first place. Problems that may come between lovers include self-absorption and inability to give appropriate attention to the other person's growth and well-being; excessive ambition; fears about competency; guilt and suspicion about sexual enjoyment; unmanageable competition with the loved one for worldly achievement or other goals; projected inferiority ("anyone who loves me can't be worth much"); personal rejection because of overvaluation of wealth.

It takes years to do this work on the self. It can't be a last-minute homework assignment.

Having learned from other relationships is a major requirement of successful reunions. Unsuccessful marriages in the intervening years can teach a person a lot about the fragility of keeping love alive. Over the years, many formerly emotionally isolated men and women who have had real worldly success may be able now to tolerate more intimacy. Achievers have had enough recognition from the world; performers grow more concerned about coming back to an empty dressing room. They have objectively achieved the success they always wanted and recognized it doesn't solve all problems.

The passage of time has to bring the courage to look the original problem in the eye. Be assured that the outcome will be essentially the same today as it was years ago unless a different way of behaving has been built from having struggled hard with these issues in the years between. One indisputable sign of the accomplishment of real change is to find your old love being grateful, rather than jealous, of the intervening relationships that have given you wisdom.

I recently had a dream about this happening (again)...

Frankly, I think it was just part of my subconscious wanting to believe the possibility at the time I had the dream (or dreams) about this during the period that I was living in denial and false hope... Thing is, I sometimes still get those dreams..

However... I believe that a lot of what is said in this article is true. If a successful reunion were to happen, major change needs to happen and a recognition of what problems caused the breakup in the first place otherwise a further breakup would happen very quickly.

Both partners would need to have grown and had experiences which allow them to appreciate each other the second time around. Also, I believe that acceptance of what happened and forgiveness is very important should this reunion ever happen.

Sorry... a bit off topic but has anyone seen that film about Lucid Dreams called Vanilla Sky.. I thought it was brilliant.

Ive seen it good film! Sunshine of the spotless mine - not exact film title is also a good film