Ask Me Help Desk - She still loves me but needs "space and time to think".

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years and out of the blue she started acting weird not talking as much, not wanting to hug/kiss just weird. Then out the blue again she just breaks up with me with no reason, no excuse just nothing she couldn't answer why and I know for a fact there's no one else, she hasn't cheated, there's nothing I've done. Her only real reason is that she's stressed at work (works 15 hours a week) / college (18 hours a week) and is applying for university.

It's been nearly a month since we broke up and we've seen a lot of each other we are still good friends and we've had sex 3 times over the space of the month, first time she felt really bad and guilty said she felt like she was playing me along and the second and third it was as if we were back together like the break up never happened. But now it's gone back to nothing but boring, awkward moments and I'm completely lost and don't know what to do, there's no alternative to her, I'm desperate I keep texting her and all the usual sad desperate stuff, without being rude I'm on this website for pete's sake typing this. I NEED HER, it's not just because I need a relationship with anyone, I adore her, she's always been there for everything, as sad as it is she's my soul mate. I'd do anything to get her back. Do I keep talking? Do I stop? I'm now at a point were I'm questioning everything I do such as was it this? Was it that? Is it him? Is it her? I'm clueless and desperate just any advice would be amazing. My apologies if my explanation is rubbish / makes no sense I'm just so confused. The worst part is today I asked of she still loves me and she does. WHAT DO I DO?

Whatever she is going through or happening in her life, you are not helping her get through it by not giving her the space she has asked for. And you really didn't help the situation by having sex either. Take a break from communicating with her. You may want her completely but to be in a relationship you need two people agreeing to the relationship. And she's not there right now.

What you are feeling is normal. We have all been through that and have survived. You will as well. But sitting around dwelling on it doesn't help. Go get some exercise, go out with your friends you have been neglecting, and have fun.

Bottomline is give her space, stop all communication, and no more casual sex until the final outcome is known.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Whatever she is going through or happening in her life, you are not helping her get through it by not giving her the space she has asked for. And you really didn't help the situation by having sex either. Take a break from communicating with her. You may want her completely but to be in a relationship you need two people agreeing to the relationship. And she's not there right now.

What you are feeling is normal. We have all been through that and have survived. You will as well. But sitting around dwelling on it doesn't help. Go get some exercise, go out with your friends you have been neglecting, and have fun.

Bottomline is give her space, stop all communication, and no more casual sex until the final outcome is known.

Thank you. I know it's what I need to do but I needed to hear it from someone else who wasn't a friend/family.

Thank you x

You need time and space yourself to get a life that you enjoy without her. It's a challenging rebuild project.

When someone says they want a break and still communicate and have sex, that is guilt. She left giving you no reason. Break all contact with her. You get yourself together, go out and have fun.

It's called a booty call, a sure thing and, yes, it could be out of guilt OR it could be that one last thing holding you together when she doesn't want to be together but doesn't want to lose hold of you.

But it also doesn't move either life forward and that is what is needed here. Especially for him.

I often see this: "I know for a fact there's no one else"

How do you know for a fact? There is no possible way you could be absolutely 100% sure of this. Are you with her for the time she's at work and school? There is ALWAYS time to cheat.

I was with someone that wanted space... oh, it was her, not me... blah, blah, blah. She just needed to sort things out and all... I was sure she wasn't cheating and there was nobody else. Guess what? I was wrong.

I have found that when people start acting this way, it's usually that there is someone else that they are at least interested in and they want time and space in order to play it out and see if it's right for them... while they hold onto you out of guilt or the possible idea that their new thing won't work so you are there for them to fall back on.

Also... this "desperate" and "need" thing that you have going... it doesn't look good on you or anyone. Never put that much need into someone else... it will wind up burning you in the end.

You do whatever you want but I'm just putting this out there for you as a little dose of reality. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

I often see this: "I know for a fact there's no one else"

How do you know for a fact? There is no possible way you could be absolutely 100% sure of this. Are you with her for the time she's at work and school? There is ALWAYS time to cheat.

I was with someone that wanted space...oh, it was her, not me....blah, blah, blah. She just needed to sort things out and all....I was sure she wasn't cheating and there was nobody else. Guess what? I was wrong.

I have found that when people start acting this way, it's usually that there is someone else that they are at least interested in and they want time and space in order to play it out and see if it's right for them....while they hold onto you out of guilt or the possible idea that their new thing won't work so you are there for them to fall back on.

Also...this "desperate" and "need" thing that you have going....it doesn't look good on you or anyone. Never put that much need into someone else...it will wind up burning you in the end.

You do whatever you want but I'm just putting this out there for you as a little dose of reality. Good luck.

I was absolutely thinking the same thing. Great minds think alike.

I make a very nice living from "I know for a fact that there's no one else."