4 years into a relationship with a wealthy tight widower of two (19 and 22). For 3 years we lived as a patchwork family, from different cultures I tried hard to integrate and take care of emotionally backward kids and a bereaved family. I was treated like a servant, ignored, insulting behaviour, stepped over why I cleaned and used for all my giving and resources.

This year we decided to move away 700km away. My partner promptly decided he had made a mistake moving away from his own culture. I heaved a sigh of relief, he now wants a split life, I won't accept it. I found myself a luxury place to rent about a third of my take home. He is so wealthy but so tight he tells me I am mad to spend it I see it as a much needed indulgence. I am in a state of terrified to take the leap and needing some calm sanity and solitude living in a foreign country.

I have a demanding job which I love but live a life of total cheapness and no luxury right now. I want my freedom, my life to open up but I am afraid to take yet another wrong decision. Should I end our relationship? Should I take the apartment?

I'm sure you knew what he was like after 4 months so I don't understand why you acted like a servant for 4 years. Regarding the luxury apartment, the general rule is 1/4 of income, but these days in many high rent cities people do pay 1/3 or even more. Only you know what your necessities are each month. If luxury living is what makes you happy and you can scrimp in other ways, without going into debt, feel free!
He wants to move back to his home country and keep up a long distance relationship with you? No, you break up. You should have left him 3 years ago. Waiting for someone to change is futile.

This reads like a bad movie. Why would you stay in that relationship for so long?

Also, it makes no sense to spend money on such an expensive apartment when you will have money for nothing else. You will regret it in the short and long run.

You can do whatever you want if you live within your own means and not be dependent on anyone. You may feel your past efforts are worth something but in truth you volunteered your time and effort and don't seem appreciated. You should have been long gone, and on your own.

You were working, even if living with him, you spend your money the way you wanted. I did not hear the term, Marriage, so obviously he has not committed either

Thank you for your feedback, you certainly made me think. He has and does want to get married but with lots of conditions like living in his home county. I maybe could get to that but first in want myself back and then time to see what happens. I called off the engagement, though no one ever knew about his children or his late wife's family. Everything was done with the children's feelings and needs and nothing to mine. The apartment well I feel the need for some comfort for a year or two and I earn good money and still have plenty left to live on and to save a lot each month so I will not be dipping into my savings at all. I want to buy myself a house again when I am clearer in my life and when I know where I want to live long time so I plan to still save towards that. You comments all helped me a lot really made me realise I gave and gave up far too much. Hes not interested to invest in home comforts like a new bed or sofa only if I agree to his request to move back with him. My company paid for my relocation to move here and I won't about turn on that a discredit myself in my great career because he is so flimsy. Its difficult but I stay it alone, I just have to get through the next few weeks until this apartment contract is up and he's is hanging around more. Normally he's away 45% of the time, I kind of got used to it in the last seven months. Thank you all

Good decision - it's lonely at first, but preferable to prolonging misery.