I recently met a new girl at nursery school where I send my son. This girls son is good friends with my little boy, so to cut a long story short we started meeting with our boys so they can play.

After few months of this I introduced my husband to her. She has a partner who the father of her son but their relationship is way off balance, she goes out a lot on her own with her girlie friends every weekend. While her partner stays at home with their son.

When she is with me she is nice and decent, but when she met my husband her actions changed, she was showing off being loud, making sure she is centre of attention, was offering him free advertising (as he is a self-emp handyman) and even asked him to paint her house, and when talking to 'both' she makes eye contact with him alone.

Are these signs I should be careful of?

I did some homework on this girl and heard things that she loves male attention them being single or married makes no difference!

I told my husband how I felt and he sort of saw my point but said I have nothing to worry about.

Last year my friend made a move on my husband which he declined and one of his friends at me which I obviously declined but I think after these 2 incidents I have becomes less trusting of people.

This Sunday we planned a day out (me husband and our son) to this kiddie venue and little did I know she is going to be there too and she invited us to join them... what should I do?

What makes me insecure is I think she is beautiful :(

HELP.

First, I think we all go through this to some degree. I know I have. It's a matter of being secure that you are loved (no matter who is more attractive or sexy) and squashing any desire to nag about it. You asked once - good. He said you have nothing to worry about - good. Leave it at that, despite probably wanting to know what he thinks of her looks and attention to him and so on.
I'll bet he isn't the least bit attracted to her loud ways. He might feel a charge out of her flirting with him, but a little of that helps him know that he is still attractive, and it's actually good for your marriage, as long as it stays just that. I know you want to keep it from escalating, but that's a risk worth taking, because that risk is always there!
So we all (both sexes) put up with this, accept it, keep an eye on it, and talk about it if it appears to be getting out of hand.
That's all anyone can do. Anything else is a guarantee to kill the marriage.
DO NOT confront her about it. This is between you and your husband. Just work on being confident in yourself when around her, and pleasant but distant. She'll get it. (It's possible that she is very insecure - even attractive people can be - and needs constant approval from men. Maybe her father walked out on her mother, who knows.)
Try not to lose your trust in all people when you lose trust in a few.
Your hubby sounds like a good guy, so put a lid on envy (her looks), jealousy (her flirting with your husband), and insecurity. I think we all have those 3 destructive attributes, so it's a lot of work.

Im usually pretty confident within myself but I think she is more attractive than me..
My husband is a very good looking guy I know it and I have been told... he is a very friendly man also he is not shy or reserved, spks to everyone with no harm or bad intensions just a friendly good looking guy so I wonder would a girl like her that loves the attention look at it in a different manner? And that is why I'm scared of it escalating..

This Sunday, we planned a day out with our nice friends, and going to the same place she is going is making me uncomfy because our sons are best friends and if my son sees her they will want to stay together, and if I say NO, it may look weird and my son will cry :( but I don't wish to spend a whole day with her present around my husband, because ideally I want to start distancing myself... no fighting or confronting here.. just distancing myself..

Sometimes I wonder if its all in my head :(
Because he is very good looking my husband I see eyes on him all the time.. which is rewarding for me.. but I feel she does fancy him, especially how her actions changed at her house while he was there and from what I heard about her with the research I did

Get a grip! You can handle this. STOP with the comparison of looks.
Of course let your son play with her son. You can still keep an eye on him.
Women all over the world go through this every day, and they use their God given brains to plan. You can ignore her. You can be overly polite. You can be sarcastic. You can befriend her (strangely enough, that can work the best). If she cuddles next to your husband and really openly flirts, take her hand, say 'you just sat on a spider!' and sit in her spot. Think of things! If you get a chance to talk to her alone, say 'You're a beautiful girl, and there's lots of handsome single guys out there, so where's yours?' If she opens up at all, ask her gently if she has a tough time staying in a relationship. Act like you are the wise older woman and she needs help. You could even ask her if she wants help finding someone. You don't have to mean it of course (unless you really do know someone). And I know you would rather distance yourself. This is just getting the message across to her.

It's always dangerous to rely on 'research' which is really gossip. But if she really does this with a lot of men, I suspect that she has a deep need to prove that she is attractive, constantly. It doesn't matter that she really is. Somewhere in her life she was horribly rejected, probably by a parent.

I wouldn't trust her either.

But to make a big issue of it is asking for trouble.

Limit or end your own relationship/friendship with her, and make the best of it when you are all together, such as the event coming up.

At least you know who she is.

There are many women out there who wouldn't hesitate on hitting up a man they like. If he is as you say he is, no doubt it's happened before, and it will happen again, that he will be the subject of another woman's interest.

And you will never know the difference.

The only person you need to trust, is your husband. Should he ever show an interest in another woman, it's not the woman you should be worried about, it's him you should be worried about.

I think you're a little over the top with doing research on this woman, and convincing yourself that she is some sort of threat to you and your marriage.

I would let it go, other than to limit your own friendship with her. She does not seem like much of a friend if she openly flirts with your husband.

I wouldn't look into it too much. Your husband declined her when she made a move on him. So he proved you could trust him. That's all that matters. Obviously, He loves you.. In his eyes, you are the most beautiful woman.. A lot of women think they are less attractive than another woman. We tend to find all sorts of flaws with ourselves. We wouldn't be women if we didn't. But on the other hand, your husband does need to stay away from this woman, he doesn't need to put himself in a position because all men (and women) can be tempted. That's just in the human nature. Unless your husband gives you a reason not to trust him, I really would not worry about this woman. If your child plays well with her child, I would definitley still let them play together to keep from hurting your child's feelings.

They play at school / nursery every day... so yes I am now realizing I am making more of a fuss then it is! Thank you everyone :)

If we meet up outside of nursery its for us (me and her to meet as 'friends') to meet not the kids as they see each other at school..
For this reason I can re-make new plans with my family and other friends we like this Sunday because if we all go together and I see her acting in a way I don't like it not really in my character to stay ignoring her or being sarcastic etc.. I want to go out for the day to have fun and be at ease :) not make a competition out of it

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

It's always dangerous to rely on 'research' which is really gossip. But if she really does this with a lot of men, I suspect that she has a deep need to prove that she is attractive, constantly. It doesn't matter that she really is. Somewhere in her life she was horribly rejected, probably by a parent.

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She is 29 years old and her parents are in their 70's and her father left her mum when she was a kid! Perhaps that is constant need for attention?

I know other friends in which this happened to them and they don't act this way though, but guess everyone is differnet

(I was going to reply but see that you gave me a negative rating.. )

No sorry I'm not a frequent user on here was meant to click helpful in fact I just deleted the negative rating

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

(I was going to reply but see that you gave me a negative rating..?)

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I am eager to hear your reply.
I ams orry but it was a misunderstanding was meant to click helpful I don't use askmehelpdesk so often..

Look forward to hearing from you

You made a good point - plenty of people grow up with only one parent and don't act like her. It does probably provide a clue about her behavior though. All I'm saying really is that she is possibly miserable and unable to form good relationships. She might be deliberately going for men she can't have so they won't work out. She might be jealous of every happily married woman and thinks she can have the same by stealing the husband.
Since you aren't the sarcastic catty type, you might be able to befriend her and help her understand what she is doing - and she will stop, at least with your husband, to start!
It might sound catty to say 'why doesn't a pretty girl like you have a boyfriend?' Something nice might be 'You are very pretty. There really is some handsome, sweet, fun single guy out there who is just for you.'

She does have a boyfriend, the father of their son!
However they're relationship sounds abit off to me, in the sense, every wknd she goes out on her own with her girlie friends while he stays home with their kid. They sometimes live together, as they own different houses.
She once mentioned that her timing for being madly in love is a max of 2 yrs, meaning its hot and heavy for 2 years and then she loses interest!

Sounds like a lot of baggage...

Anyway as for next Sunday I arranged a much better fun date with another couple and their little girl, so at least my son can play with her and ill be at ease as this couple are happily married and good decent friends to us.

Thank you for your support.. we had a lovely weekend just me and my boys, very happy :)

Yet... another incident... This weekend me my husband and our son went out for a platter.. as we arrived our son was getting restless so asked my husband to take him for a quick walk while I stayed at table and took our order, few minutes later they return and my husband says to me...
" she is here " (by her name).. basically they spoke for few minutes, she told him how tired she is because she was out till 4am last night ( trying to impress him? ) our son asked for hers, and then asked where I was! My husband told her.. well and that was it!
We were in the same venue for a good hour... she never came to say hello!
Isn't that more obvious why she asked where I was.. more to see if he is ALONE!?

Maybe because you and your husband and son are seeing another couple (the ones wiith the little girl), she thinks you may have either, a) caught onto her 'interest', or, b) thinks you don't want to have anything to do with her, so she didn't approach you.

I would take either as positive. Your husband told you the truth right up front, and she is cooling her jets with you.

Isn't that a good thing?

I think if you keep dissecting every conversation, every chance meeting, you are going to cause a wedge in your relationship. He told you the truth. He can't control what "she" does and says.

Why don't you have any trust?