Hi,

I came her to ask what should I do,

My girlfriend which I have been going out for over 1 year and 3 months still do not want to have sex with me. First of all I am OK with the fact that she is a virgin. But at the same time she did told me that I am the first guy that she even said "i love you" to. I know this may seems to be childish, but both of us are 25 and as an adult, I am clueless. Should I base my relationship on how much sex I have receive or should I just suck it up and just get along with it?

What I do want from this relationship is someone that do understand me, shows that she is attracted to me and be that person will be there for me. She does understand me and well sort of kind of there for me, but she never shows that she is attracted to me physically... ever... and yet saying that she loves me doesn't make sense. In my opinion, saying love just means that you like the person physically and mentally. So is what I am doing wrong, grieving that I am not having a single time to have sex? Or should I just move on and find someone else?

If you love this woman, stick with her. If she is a virgin, she is just probably just shy about sex. I (being a woman myself) was really shy when I was a virgin. It took me a little over a year to sleep with my boy friend who, always wanted to have sex since day 1 that we met. He respected my decision, although he always wanted to, but backed off when I told him I wasn't ready. Now, I am full of regrets to losing my virginity to him.. I wished I would have waited for the right one. Maybe, she is just trying to make sure you are the right one so she won't have any regrets. By leaving her and moving on because she won't sleep with you will make you out to be the jerk! You shouldn't even be thinking of leaving her for that reason unless you don't love her. And since that thought came through your mind, obviously, you don't care about her as much as you say because if you did, you wouldn't even have considered leaving her for that reason and she is right by not sleeping with you.

I have a much more understanding take on this than sassy. She makes a lot of logical jumps that are false.

Have you talked with her? She's a virgin, I get that. Is she staying pure for her marriage? What is your relational time line? Are you looking to propose/get married anytime soon? When you say that there is a lack of physical intimacy, what do you mean? Is their kissing/hugging/cuddling? Or is it is just hand shakes? Does she shake a good hand?

Contrary to what Sassy712 is saying, lack of physical intimacy is a valid reason to end a relationship. As well both people in a relationship that has broken up will be the 'bad guy' to someone. It might seem to be a bad reason to break up, but it isn't. Physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship.

I would like to know what her religious beliefs, if any, are?

From the way you write I'm guessing you're not American. Are you both in a religion that forbids sex before marriage?

A bit more info is needed in order to accurately answer your question. But, for the sake of argument, let's assume that this is for religious reasons. Do you love her enough to respect her beliefs? Did you know her beliefs before you two started dating?

If you can't wait for marriage to have sex, and you have no desire to marry this girl, then yes, you should break up with her, find someone with the same beliefs as you.

Actually, he needs to find out if she is just shy, or maybe she is not comfortable with her body somehow.. or like alty said, it may be a religion thing. I do not believe I was wrong in saying what I said. He should not break up with this girl if he cares about her simply because he does not know the reason she doesn't want to have sex with him as both of you said. It may be something he can help her overcome.

We can't begin to know how to assess this situation without knowing her reasons for remaining a virgin and the cultural, familial and religious expectations she lives within.

Many people choose to wait until marriage to even kiss or show any outward indications of attraction. This is a value they are raised with and which is expected of them, sometimes with very severe consequences for violating the expectation.

If there are no moral, social, familial or religious reasons and remaining a virgin until marriage is not important to her, then I would assume that there's not adequate attraction.

The thing is though, many men want to find and marry a virgin yet once in a relationship with that virgin for a period, want premarital sex with her. If her conviction is to remain a virgin until marriage, that's the deal. Whether you're the first person she loves, or you've dated for 10 years, if her commitment is to remain a virgin until marriage, she's not planning to have sex with anyone other than her husband. If you're not her husband, she's not having sex with you. Without the benefit of marriage, she has no assurance you intend to stick around and if you break up with her, and she's had sex with you, she cannot present herself as a virgin to her next potential husband.

You have to have a candid talk with her and find out her reasons for not being sexual with you and whether she intends for that to change, or wants that to change, and what the conditions would be for that to happen.

If she's not attracted to you or doesn't want a sex life, you're not compatible. If she wants a physically intimate life with you including sex but only within the context of marriage, your decision is to wait, or get married.