I have a 5 month old baby. I have been with my partner for nearly 6 years. We have had our ups and downs but, after the 1st month of being parents, he went back to working 7 days a week, by choice not necessity, and I am left to do everything as if I was a single parent.

He dotes on his son, but, I feel taken for granted and worn out. We never have family days. I am tired when he gets in on a night, usually around 9 - 10pm and then I get moaned at because I am tired.

I feel suffocated, I have tried to talk thus through, several times but he honestly can't see anything wrong and brushes off my attempts to tell him how I feel. I feel guilty when I even think of leaving as it would crush him to lose his son, even though I would never deny him access. I don't know how much more I can take... I'm drowning.

Are you a stay at home mom, or a working mother? Is this your only child, or your first? How old are you both? Do you or he have family close to you?

You are thinking of leaving him because he went back to work while you take care of the baby? I think I'm missing something here.

I'm wondering if you have been evaluated for post partum depression?

I feel like I'm missing something most days. I don't want to leave him because he works, but yes, that's part of the problem. I try tell him how I feel, I ask for him to take a day off to go and spend sometime as a family and have fun etc. But I always get turned down. He says he works to keep us living comfortably, yet we are fine with out the need for extra work/money. I can't see the point in working and NEVER having any time as a family. After my materinty leave ends I will be returning to work full time. Don't know what to do, think anymore. Just needed to offload as no one to talk to.

How much longer are you on maternity leave?

3 months left to go

Do what I did -- make your own fun during the day.

I connected with other moms in my neighborhood and through my library. A few moms I knew from the neighborhood and from my church (or the Y or the park district) got together at least one morning a week for coffee and to allow our children to play or sleep or whatever nearby.

Also, I had been in a bowling league that offered child care, so I continued to bowl once the baby was born. If you don't bowl, look around for other group opportunities (swimming or knitting or bridge, etc. with child care offered).

Many libraries now have baby/tot lap-sit programs where a simple story might be read with accompanying hand and body movements -- not just for the little ones, but for the moms too, to give them ideas on entertaining and dealing with their children.

I worked out an arrangement with my husband that I got to go out shopping one evening a week for two hours while he took care of the baby. It opened his eyes as to how much work it was!

Often another mom or grandma-type will babysit for you to allow you to get out alone during the day.

Start small for family activities. Maybe just a nice, scenic drive on a Sunday afternoon or eating out at a fast-food restaurant might start the ball rolling. Just don't let him talk you into a week's vacation at a remote cabin in northern Wisconsin that turns out to have no hot water and is full of spiders! (Been there, done that!)

Thanks, best advice yet.

I guess he may see my point if I stay persistent and keep on.

I also worry that he is missing out on so much and lo is missing out on his dad.

Monday to Friday, he works 8 am till 9 - 10pm, at the weekends usually 8 - 9 am till 8 pm. Its hard, harder because he said this would change after lo arrived. Which it did, for a short time then he fell back into his usual routine.

I shall start with asking him for an afternoon, see how it goes and take it from there.

I don't want the relationship to end, but, cannot take much more of this tbh, so hopefully I can get him to realise that there is more to life than work, like his family. I'm not asking for his time everyweek but once a month would be a start. Wish me luck.

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Originally Posted by hinton1985

Wish me luck.

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That I do. My husband was not at all interested in our sons until they became adults and could carry on a rational conversation (usually about work, their jobs). There were no "daddy times" unless I pushed for them, and usually they didn't last long.

Not feeling trapped is going to be YOUR project for yourself, whether your partner is in the equation. If you love him, it might be good to stick it out. Once he feels financially secure and the baby starts being a real person as he becomes a bit older, your partner may look at the situation with different eyes. Better the devil you know, as the saying goes...

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That I do. My husband was not at all interested in our sons until they became adults and could carry on a rational conversation (usually about work, their jobs). There were no "daddy times" unless I pushed for them, and usually they didn't last long.

Not feeling trapped is going to be YOUR project for yourself, whether or not your partner is in the equation. If you love him, it might be good to stick it out. Once he feels financially secure and the baby starts being a real person as he becomes a bit older, your partner may look at the situation with different eyes. Better the devil you know, as the saying goes...

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Thank you

I see your point.
I used to say the same thing about my partner only thing is the hours he was doing really didn't make a different to our life so I used to say life is for living all this working your son don't even no u because your always at work.

I think you should tell him how you feel, and tell him by the time he gets home your child is sleeping when he leaves your child is sleeping where is his bonding time? And by the time he comes home u have no time to even talk to him. Tell him 2 take at least Sundays off as a family day or just a lazy day or his day to have the little one while you go out and be u.

He may not know the 5 month old infant, but there may yet be time for the 5 year child, and the 15 year old teen ager. You could stand to relax and enjoy YOUR bonding time with your own baby, because that will change once you return to work.

What worked for us was the other females in the family always helping out and the grand parents, and the many friends. Basically a support system so you can take a long hot bath or have lunch with friends, as you heal from your life changing event.

Things may be comfortable now, but as a guy, and father, anything could shake the apple cart and make life uncomfortable. Especially in today's economy. Things willfallin place as they will for the most part, so RELAX! Ease into the right adjustments going forward.