Ask Me Help Desk - What to do?

What to do?

I've been separated for over 2 1/2 years. I met a sweet special lady 2 years ago and we hit it off slowly, but it was natural, no rush, no issues, just me and her he was special from the jump! In the midst of it all I didn't take care of my divorce and she would drop little hints here and there. Well needless to say I neglected getting the divorce and I messed up on attempting to please others and would sometimes not do what I was supposed to do with her as far as spending time with her.

I thought I filed for divorce correctly in November 2012 but found out I didn't do them correctly, after which in January I spoke to a lawyer who was supposed to file the paper work for me but she never did. So in the beginning of April I filed for the divorce myself and did it correctly. And when I told her about it she was hurt , mad, and bothered. She gave me fore warning In jfebruary that she would only give me so much more of her time. And now she says there is no us and that we can't go out and do any thing.

She said she always was uncomfortable that I wasn't divorced. Yet we still talk everyday but we just don't see each other. I messed up and I miss her sooooo much I truly love her. How do I get her back??

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She thinks you lied to her about a very important fact - the status of your marriage. Does she think you delayed out of feelings for your wife? Possibly.

The only way to win back her trust - and, ultimately, her - is to prove you are trustworthy.

I think you need to keep the lines of communication open and see what happens.

On the other hand, I believe what people tell me. If you didn't spend enough time with her, she warned you, she wanted you to get your divorce, she said it's over, I'd believe her. It's over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

She thinks you lied to her about a very important fact - the status of your marriage. Does she think you delayed out of feelings for your wife? Possibly.

The only way to win back her trust - and, ultimately, her - is to prove you are trustworthy.

I think you need to keep the lines of communication open and see what happens.

On the other hand, I believe what people tell me. If you didn't spend enough time with her, she warned you, she wanted you to get your divorce, she said it's over, I'd believe her. It's over.

She said she really couldn't say it was over but if we do anything my divorce has to be final

I answered this once and, poof, that answer is gone.

Let's try it again.

She told you it's over, possibly because she doesn't trust you. You dragged your feet about filing for divorce and/or following through. Does she think it's because you have feelings for your wife? I don't know.

I'd keep the lines of communication over but I wouldn't have high expectations. I tend to believe what people tell me, and in this case she's told you it's over. I'd believe her.

You can keep communicating, prove you are trustworthy, you weren't dragging your feet, but I don't know if it will change things.

Good - she's left the door open. Very good, in fact. She could be concerned about being dragged into the divorce, she might be concerned that you have feelings for your wife, something else.

Prove you are sincere, keep the lines of communication and, for goodness sake, get divorced!

Good luck.

We aren't hearing what she has to say - maybe you said you were practically divorced one too many times?
Are you following the steps to finalize the divorce NOW? Your wife has received the notice, or you put the right ad in the paper, or whatever has to be done?
That I would think is the key to getting this woman back. PROOF, not promises.

When is the divorce final? Sorry you handled your personal and business affairs so sloppily, but until you can prove you at least handled your business properly to conclusion, expect the distance.

Given your history you can't blame her but you are still talking. You just need positive actions to back up your words and intentions.

Like I said, when is your divorce officially final?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

When is the divorce final? Sorry you handled your personal and business affairs so sloppily, but until you can prove you at least handled your business properly to conclusion, expect the distance.

Given your history you can't blame her but you are still talking. You just need positive actions to back up your words and intentions.

Like I said, when is your divorce officially final?

I can go to court for the matter June 4th. I've done paperwork, will take final parenting class this weekend, and have informed her of the particulars