I am a very VERY high tolerated girlfriend with too much patience. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for almost 5 years and now we have a baby on the way. When is enough enough? Ive caught him masterbating to porn three times within our relationship. My thing is, I don't care if he does it when I'm not around, BUT if I'm in the same house as him, why would he have to result to porn? Ive also looked through some of his laptop files and have found he had saved pictures of my female family member while she was hanging out at a club dressed in a skirt with her friends, and some pictures he copied of one of my girlfriends in her two piece bathing suit from the laptop she let me borrow for work. He also has photos of his ex in his memory box who he was with in between us broken up and getting back together. Not to mention the website he has bookmarked called" bangbroschat". I love everything about him but this.. I don't know how much more I can handle.. I haven't confronted any of the things I've found on his laptop to him.. with this baby I'm carrying in my stomach, I want to take it easy but really.. when is it time to say enough is enough?

In the beginning of our relationship I used to confront him about the porn on his laptop or anything id find but he says if I look for dirt I'm going to find it. And he didn't trust me after I looked through his personal things.. that's why I haven't told him anything about what I recently found and I know this anxiety isn't healthy, but I love him and try to over look these things and just brush it off but I don't know if what I'm doing is healthy. I don't want to lose his trust again either.. advice would be highly appreciated...

Why are you snooping through his stuff?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why are you snooping through his stuff?

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because I don't have complete trust in him since he likes to hide everything and acts like he never has a guilty conscious.. one time he accidentally left his phone at home while he was at work and I did look through it and find he was talking to another girl! I broke up with him after that but months later I took him back because of how depressed he told me he was without me and I did miss him too.. within his personality he Stays quietly to himself most of the time.. so its hard for me to even get a straight answer out of him without him shooting another back at me in defense and in the end, doesn't answer the questions I ask in the first place. So since he's secretive, I just feel like I have to be a detective because that's the only way ill ever find anything out...

Why do you need to find out these things?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why do you need to find out these things?

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since he was talking to another girl back then behind my back, I just didn't have complete trust in him since he's to himself, which gives me suspicion he could do it again..

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Originally Posted by mali22

since he was talking to another girl back then behind my back, i just didnt have complete trust in him since hes to himself, which gives me suspicion he could do it again..

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And if he does it again?

I honestly don't know.. I don't think I could be in a relationship with him if there would be a second time...

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Originally Posted by mali22

I honestly dont know.. i dont think i could be in a relationship with him if there would be a second time...

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Now you have a choice. Stop snooping and checking up on him or continue to do so knowing that you will probably find reasons to end the relationship. Just as a matter of information, I have never ever opened mail or email addressed to my husband in our 46 years of marriage or listened in on his phone calls (unless he asks me to). He treats me the same way. It's called trust.

If I hadent have snooped around, I would not have found out that he was talking to another girl. As for photos of people who I know and of family, I think there's a problem there... I feel stupid not knowing what's REALLY going on.. after I found those photos I stopped snooping.. now in the pensive, hurt, stressed out silent mode that's not noticeable on the outside. And about catching him on porn, I feel like, what the heck am I here for? In the same house, I walk into the bedroom and find him handling his "business".. he can't find me to fulfill his "needs/erges" after all, I'm only in the same house.. just saying..

Unwanted is what I feel..

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Originally Posted by mali22

unwanted is what i feel..

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Aha!! And that is what you need to work on.