Ask Me Help Desk - Should I give up?

I'm not usually comfortable in these kinds of things, but I feel I have no one to talk to. So to start of I'm female, 22, I'm bi. I've been seeing this girl for 2 years, and I can say I've never felt anything like it, at times I'm so happy and there are times I cry myself to sleep. I know that its love (sorry for being cheezy). We have fights like normal couples do, like jealousy, no time for each other, saying hurtful things, but it started to go rough when my parents didn't approve, of course I stood up for her and it made my family hurt so much, and it was really hard for me to choose. When suddenly my girlfriend started to loose hope and wanted to give up, so I felt bad because I was willing to fight for her, when I felt that the love was dying, I met someone, and I had a very casual affair just texting, and then I told my girlfriend, so we broke up. But I realized I was just using the new girl. And she wasn't the one. So after 2 months my ex and I got back together, but when we did, something inside me felt wrong, it wasn't the head over heels love anymore, I felt like I'm missing out on something, so that's when I met a guy, and I guess my girlfriend and I broke up again. So I tried being with a guy, my parents seem happy about it, everything was okay at first, but at the end of the day its my ex who I still think about, so eventually the guy did not work out. While I was with the guy, communication with my ex never stopped. So I guess we were in a place with no labels and we didn't understand, I didn't want to make it official because I've hurt her too many times (buy during our official 2 year relationship, she cheated first and I forgave her). Anyway, its so hard to fix something that both of us had destroyed, but I feel, we feel that the love is still there. And its very confusing to me because as much as I want to get back together, I keep thinking about my parents, and I don't want to go back to the times we fought because of me being bi. So I decided that maybe we're not meant for each other, so I said I'm done with girls its time to move on, I think I should be with guys. Occasionally my ex would plead me to come back to her, but even if I love her so much I can't find the feeling to say yes. I kept saying that I wish she was a guy then everything would be okay. So she started working, and she met someone, who likes her a lot. She keeps telling me that, she still loves me even if she kind of likes the girl too. At one party, she started pleading so much, that I reconsidered my decision, so I told her I'll give it a try, but it we had a misunderstanding once again so it led us the no label kind of relationship. I was thinking that I was trying, I was trying to make it work and so did she, guys would flirt with me, but I don't mind them. And then I found out that my ex and her new girl was thinking about being serious, but my ex is saying she's not giving up on me and maybe in time we would be together, just now now, but its so hard to believe because she has a new girl, like how can she say that I'm the one she wants in the future when she's with that girl now. And now, I feel so bad, I don't know if I should fight for her because all this time I know I love her I'm just scared to face the consequences with her or should I just let her be and be happy with someone else?

First why such an issue with parents, why are you fighting with them, so they don't approve, then you don't take girlfriend to visit them. You can not let them decide your life.

What they want, may not be what you want.

After that so why not date both guy and girl for a while, does it all have to be both, a either or, no reason to make a firm choice fast.

The issue with bi, is that you can date either, but once you want a long term relationshp, you have to pick ONE. Just like straight people have to pick ONE person, and not get others

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

First why such an issue with parents, why are you fighting with them, so they don't approve, then you don't take girlfriend to visit them. You can not let them decide your life.

What they want, may not be what you want.

After that so why not date both guy and girl for a while, does it all have to be both, a either or, no reason to make a firm choice fast.

The issue with bi, is that you can date either, but once you want a long term relationshp, you have to pick ONE. just like straight people have to pick ONE person, and not get others

Thank you for giving time to read, I'm so new to this. I guess I'm still struggling, I came from a very Religious family, and things like these are a very big deal, it scarred me when they found out, and I guess I'm not brave enough to chose just one.

Oh what I meant to say was that, I'm not brave enough to love both. Especially to love another girl.

Love is so complicated.

It is likely at your age, that having had a relationship for two years, this may have been your first serious one, if you are only 22 now.

That being said, anybody's first love is special. Now that you have experienced loving someone, it is hard to think of ever loving another person as much as the first serious love.

I still think back to my first love, and remember the excitement and comfort of being with one special someone. But, at that time a good Catholic boy, did not marry a non-Catholic young woman, and the family pressure did us in. To this day, I still think fondly of him.

The point I'm making is, that maybe this time of your life, is for, or should allow for, more relationships. Some will be good, some will be bad, but along the way you learn to just more than love someone. You learn what makes a relationship mature, and how to build a foundation of trust, together.

That cheating happened on both your parts, doesn't bode well, as trust was not fully established, and that could have been more to do with maturity, goals, compatibility, etc. Many things that go beyond the love you feel, go into the relationship to keep it strong, after the initial euphoria wears a little.

When you do find someone, it won't matter much what anybody says. And if the new person in your life is kind, faithful, loving, and worth investing your life in, it really won't matter what objection anybody has. If you're genuinely happy with your partner, eventually, others will come around.

My advice to you is to take a bit of a break from any relationship. Reflect and learn from your successes and failures, and develop your own standards and expectations in what you expect of yourself, and in a potential partner.

Take your time, and learn when to know and accept that no matter how much love you feel, any relationship could fail, because along with the love, lies a person that just simply may not be compatible.

Best of luck to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Love is so complicated.

It is likely at your age, that having had a relationship for two years, this may have been your first serious one, if you are only 22 now.

That being said, anybody's first love is special. Now that you have experienced loving someone, it is hard to think of ever loving another person as much as the first serious love.

I still think back to my first love, and remember the excitement and comfort of being with one special someone. But, at that time a good Catholic boy, did not marry a non-Catholic young woman, and the family pressure did us in. To this day, I still think fondly of him.

The point I'm making is, that maybe this time of your life, is for, or should allow for, more relationships. Some will be good, some will be bad, but along the way you learn to just more than love someone. You learn what makes a relationship mature, and how to build a foundation of trust, together.

That cheating happened on both your parts, doesn't bode well, as trust was not fully established, and that could have been more to do with maturity, goals, compatibility, etc. Many things that go beyond the love you feel, go into the relationship to keep it strong, after the initial euphoria wears a little.

When you do find someone, it won't matter much what anybody says. And if the new person in your life is kind, faithful, loving, and worth investing your life in, it really won't matter what objection anybody has. If you're genuinely happy with your partner, eventually, others will come around.

My advice to you is to take a bit of a break from any relationship. Reflect and learn from your successes and failures, and develop your own standards and expectations in what you expect of yourself, and in a potential partner.

Take your time, and learn when to know and accept that no matter how much love you feel, any relationship could fail, because along with the love, lies a person that just simply may not be compatible.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you very much, I'm glad I gave forums a try. :)