I'm wondering how a non-Asperger partner can support her sometimes erratic seeminly Asberger (not confirmed through diagnosis) partner. We do not share the same house, but are in a relationship. Sometimes he just disappears from the relationship and does not seem able to keep up his end of communication (via phone, email, whatever). He can not keep track of time, and often seems non-supportive. Other times, he's definitely open and connected. I don't know whether I should continue to be the initiator of contact when he vanishes or does that make him need to withdraw more. Or when he vanishes just let him go until he wanders back on his own when he's ready.

Have you had the opportunity to meet his family and friends? Asberger generally manifests at an early age and they may help yopu uderstand him better.

People with asbergers have trouble socializing. They live in their own world. My nephew has this and it is very difficult to get him to focus on any relationship other than what he feel is most important... which usually is the relationship between himself and his things. They can't help it, they lack that ability.

These are my feelings as a mom to a diagnosed 18 yr. old aspie, and wife to an undiagnosed husband with some of those traits. Think over your position in this relationship carefully. Think of what attracted you to him in the first place - all of his good qualities and mannerisims. Then weigh the cons - like disappearing for periods. If you are willing to put up with his disappearing, then allow him this time without resentment. He may need time alone when life becomes too overwhelming for him. Does he come back to your relationship refreshed and in a good mood? Can you carry on from that point without too much stress and enjoy each others company? If so, this relationship may be worth investing in. With kindness and patience, and much discussion, you may be able to shorten his absences and they may become more infrequent, possibly ending altogether. Your goal I would imagine, would be to find the triggers that cause him to leave, and try to avoid them if possible. If you need more consistency from a relationship, be fair to both of you and gently end it. It would be only fair to do so however in calm moments, not in anger. Be clear about why you cannot continue with the relationship. Remember, emotions are difficult to recognize and understand for those with Apserger's, and to verbalize feelings doesn't come easily. Patience is truly a virtue in such a relationship.

Hi "my83328"! I am a 17 years old girl and I was diagnosed as an Aspie. So I can feel the way what the Aspies feel. You can write me on my email "[email protected]" and I can help you to understand the way what we feel. I know that is not easy for you, but I think it will be better.

And a message for "timeout4b": can I meet your daughter? I am searching for friends, you can give her my email "[email protected]", I will be very happy if I can be one of her online friends;)

Best regards for all there!