I am seeking advice and guidance in turning down a friendship propsal from a prospect chosen by my mother for marriage... I initiated the contact and exchanged mails to check the compatibility although he was very impressed and said that he likes my views and opininons but before he could say yes to the marriage he wants to be a friend first, which I do not agree with as we both knew the very reason [ i.e. marriage ] for us to open the communication channel. He should either say yes or no so as to save time for both of us...

[this question was asked by a friend of mine please help me in suggesting her the best way to deal with the situation]

Is this an arranged thing, or are you in the United States? If you are in the US then getting to know someone is recommended highly and friendship must come first as people here tend to grow apart and it takes time to get to know someone.

Not only do I agree with Tal's response above but the fact that he says he wants to be friends first, suggests that no matter what your culture is becoming friend's first is allowed so I think that it's the best idea available. Finding out if your compatible or not is best done before you make a life time commitment.

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Originally Posted by shesh_2k

i am seeking advice and guidance in turning down a friendship propsal from a prospect chosen by my mother for marriage.........i initiated the contact and exchanged mails to check the compatibility although he was very impressed and said that he likes my views and opininons but before he could say yes to the marriage he wants to be a friend first, which i do not agree with as we both knew the very reason [ i.e. marriage ] for us to open the communication channel. he should either say yes or no so as to save time for both of us.....................

[this question was asked by a friend of mine please help me in suggesting her the best way to deal with the situation]

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Your friend has to give it time and accept the offer of friendship. What if she marries the individual and then after the marriage, the two are unable to sort out their differences and therefore have to deal with conflicts with each other. If they are unable to sort out the conflicts, they may have to get divorced. So, tell your friend that it is better to get to know someone at first, rather than later and then ruin your life. Friendship will open the communication channel. Marriage will also do that, but from a different standpoint.

I am not here to condemn anyone's culture or tradition. I will assume where you are from this is proper and how it is done, And your intital contact is considered the time to "get to know each other" rather quickly and then you marry if there is no objection.

It is just in the US, Canada and a lot of Eurpore, men and women decide for thierself who to date and may spend years getting to know each other before they even mention marriage. So to our culture, the idea of deciding to get married after a short period is considered wrong for us here.

That does not mean it is WRONG, it is just not our custom. Here it is more customary for a man and women to spend at least a year dating and talking to consider marriage.

Although more and more people are meeting on the internet and are making more quick choices now a days.

So it is possible this young man has adopted more western traditions.

It is not our place to tell you this is right or wrong, it is just different than you are used to. Only you can decide of this is acceptable or not for you.