I've been with my boyfriend for the past 5 months and we're great together. His family is also very kind and lovely, but lately their excessive kindness makes me feel really embarrassed. His parents call me to join them for lunch or dinner, his sister lets me choose whatever clothes I like from hers, he already has given me two rucksacks so that I don't have to carry bags anymore (I have scoliosis), he lets me drive his car, overwhelms me with sweets and so on.

Last night he told me he would soon give me a new phone or iPhone and when I asked him "why are you doing all these for me?" he answered "You helped me. Now it's my turn. I'm going to return you the money you lent me and show you how much I appreciate what you did for me." He also made holiday plans for the two of us and of course he doesn't let me pay for anything.

You may think he is a materialistic guy, but believe me, he is extremely modest, kind and intelligent as a person and he doesn't have so much money so that he can throw it away. I understand he felt embarrassed, when he didn't have money and needed to borrow from me, but right now, it's too much for me. I feel as if I'm the poorest girl on earth and even if I'm somehow lucky to get a lot of expensive things for free, I'd rather have nothing than live with this guilt. It's great to have nice people around you, but I feel they're doing this so that they can ask something in return later and I'm afraid not to disappoint them and reproach me for what I've never asked to be given. Maybe they're just kind, but I feel I have to give something in return.

No matter how much I try, I can't refuse anything they offer me and I feel really awkward. What do you think I shoud do?

You have to set boundaries with all of them.

It seems like they are all trying to groom you for something more- perhaps marriage? Drawing you in with all this kindness as you put it, or bribes as I see it, has to have a meaning beyond what you are seeing here.

If you feel uncomfortable in accepting all that they are offering, and I understand why you would, then gently, but firmly tell them that it has to stop. Just tell the truth. You are uncomfortable accepting their gifts. Then stick to it.

If they are offended- so be it. If they get angry, so be it. If your boyfriend feels that you have offended him, or his family, so be it.

You don't have to explain yourself, or your decisions to anybody.

Better to be in control now, of your own life and decisions, than to carry on having others make decisions for you that you are not comfortable with. The longer this goes on, the longer they may feel you 'owe' them. Owe them friendship, loyalty, a marriage, etc.

Good luck.

You're right, they are looking forward to marriage, but I told them it's by far too early to put this matter on the table. I still have to graduate high-school and I want to continue my studies at university. His mother also asked me one day if I considered choosing a near university centre, but I told her I'm not going to change my mind because I've already prepared for specific exams and I don't want to regret later that I didn't pursue my dreams.

On the other hand, he seems to understand that he needs to wait, even though he told me he wanted to marry me the second day we met. Though, he's still pushing it too hard with these "gifts".

He borrowed money from you but plans to buy you an expensive phone, when that money should be going toward the repayment of the loan.
I too would feel uncomfortable. VERY.
I would be blunt although as nicely as possible. I would say 'Not one penny more spent on me. I would rather clear the air by having the loan repaid instead. Then we can see how our relationship develops.'
I have had an occasional friend who gave and gave whether I liked it or not and expected a return on investment. Nothing as big as this, but I do know the feeling.

He said he would both repay the loan and buy me a phone. Of course I don't want anything else but my money back and I'll try to be as firm as possible against this because a phone is not a toy and I refuse to take the responsibility of having to return "the favour" in any way.

I'm so sorry it ended up like this. We were fine without all the "improvements", but everything has changed since his sister came back home with a lot of money.

Good for you. Let us know how it works out?

He said he would give me the money and the phone in about 3 or 4 weeks, so I won't be able to come up with news soon unless something unexpected happens.

Thank you both of you for advice and support! I promise I'll let you know about my situation as soon as I can! Thank you again!

(PS:
Are you sure that rucksacks are better for your back than carrying bags? I would ask the doctor or do some online research.)

As far as I know, nor bags or rucksacks harm the spine unless they are too heavy