I'm a 14 year old girl. Yes, my parents provide for me, I have my own room, I go to school, and they give me food. I live in Florida.

My mom has told me, ever since I was 12 that I’m a failure, I’ll never do what my older brothers did. My oldest brother is in medical school my second oldest brother is in a seven year program for medical school. He was salutatorian, won trophies at math competitions, ridiculously smart. I joined math team this year, I went to every math competition, yet I never won any awards.

My mother didn't yell at me for this, but she would comment things like how I’m never able to do what he did, how I’m not smart enough to win anything. I know I’m smart, I made it to the national spelling bee last year, but my brother went twice. I only went once. My mom tells me how she wishes other girls were her daughter. She asks why God gave me to her, why couldn't I be someone else's daughter. She says I'm ugly, I'll never amount to anything, and nobody likes me.

The other day she was like "if you were dead, at least I could say oh my daughter's dead" she meant that if I was dead, she wouldn't have to explain me or something like that. She doesn't tell me things like this every day, but like around every month. And she only started talking like this around when I was twelve years old. I used to cry like every night, but now not so much. I did break down randomly twice, and just started crying. My mom told me to shut up, she was like why are you crying. And I couldn't really explain myself, as to why I was crying.

She makes me feel like I might have some mental disorder or something. My dad just kind of ignores everything, he's just like "oh, you should be nice to your mother, don't say mean things". I don't know if this would be considered emotional abuse, because I feel like abuse would be something more serious than this? I don’t know.

I do tell one of my friends all these things. So I do have someone to talk to. I just want someone to talk to who knows what all this stuff means, why she does it, what's the reason, what to do?

Have you spoken to your school counselor? A trusted teacher?

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Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Have you spoken to your school counselor? A trusted teacher?

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Not a teacher or a counselor, but a trusted friend

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Originally Posted by seizetheday

Not a teacher or a counselor, but a trusted friend

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If you speak to your school counselor, he/she should be able to direct you to someone who is trained to help you with your problems at home.

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Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

If you speak to your school counselor, he/she should be able to direct you to someone who is trained to help you with your problems at home.

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But I don't want anyone at school to find out about all this, because my family has a good reputation, we live in a small town, and everyone loves my mom. They all think she's so amazing, loves her kids, and what not. I don't think any adult would actually believe me.

Have you tried talking to your dad about your moms once a month mean streak? Could be her bad time of the month.

Does your dad compare you and put you down?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Have you tried talking to your dad about your moms once a month mean streak? Could be her bad time of the month.

Does your dad compare you and put you down?

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My dad doesn't put me down. He knows that she yells at me for stupid things from time to time, but he doesn't do anything about it. He just says it's because of my three year old sister. He pretty much just blames anything my mom does on my sister.

I don't feel you are being abused, just finding it hard to understand your mom sometimes. Understandable for a sensitive young girl who should be nurtured and reassured. But that's not who your mom is and that's sad.

Maybe you cannot talk to her at his time, but I feel you will in a respectful way as you get older. Hopefully the relationship will get better. Hopefully she will become a better listener. Your dad is probably right, as a small child added to the family mix of grown and teen age kids may be making her stressed and loopy. I don't think its all about you at all actually.

How old is she and does she work? Late 40's, early 50 maybe?

'Emotional abuse' doesn't allow for any legal action to be taken, if that's what you are asking. Only physical abuse, or a combination, like keeping a child in a locked closet without actually hitting him.
I think I know what you are going through. My mother demeaned me too, even though I was actually a better student than my older siblings. She was mean to all of us.
What to do? I don't think your title question matters so much as what you are feeling matters. When I was your age the term didn't exist. All you can do is work on an identity for yourself that doesn't include what your mother wants you to be. Do your chores, do well in school, don't hang out with the wrong kids, and wait to get away from home after high school.
I tried to make my mother happy even past high school, by going to her college. I dropped out in 3 months, even though I had a full scholarship. I wish I had had more sense of who I was and what I wanted instead of what she wanted - but I didn't. I hope you do.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I don't feel you are being abused, just finding it hard to understand your mom sometimes. Understandable for a sensitive young girl who should be nurtured and reassured. But that's not who your mom is and that's sad.

Maybe you cannot talk to her at his time, but I feel you will in a respectful way as you get older. Hopefully the relationship will get better. Hopefully she will become a better listener. Your dad is probably right, as a small child added to the family mix of grown and teen age kids may be making her stressed and loopy. I don't think its all about you at all actually.

How old is she and does she work? Late 40's, early 50 maybe?

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She's in her mid forties, and no, she does not work.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

'Emotional abuse' doesn't allow for any legal action to be taken, if that's what you are asking. Only physical abuse, or a combination, like keeping a child in a locked closet without actually hitting him.
I think I know what you are going through. My mother demeaned me too, even though I was actually a better student than my older siblings. She was mean to all of us.
What to do? I don't think your title question matters so much as what you are feeling matters. When I was your age the term didn't exist. All you can do is work on an identity for yourself that doesn't include what your mother wants you to be. Do your chores, do well in school, don't hang out with the wrong kids, and wait to get away from home after high school.
I tried to make my mother happy even past high school, by going to her college. I dropped out in 3 months, even though I had a full scholarship. I wish I had had more sense of who I was and what I wanted instead of what she wanted - but I didn't. I hope you do.

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So basically, just work on being who I am, get into a good college, probably need a scholar ship, and just leave?

That was just what I did. Regardless of scholarships (most depend on the financial status of the parents) and regardless of how 'good' the school is, try to find approval and support for who you are from other people than your mother, and try to form a sense of what you want out of life. 'Just leave?' Sure. Why stay past high school and put up with being put down? Go back to visit once or twice a year just to see the rest of the family and just so that you keep a little tiny connection with your mother. Maybe someday she will tell you why she was the way she was.
You are the only girl, right? It's possible that she feels trapped in marriage, motherhood, housework, etc, and had dreams of a career. And you as the girl represent her, and she's desperate to have you realize her dreams. That's just a wild guess. Don't take me literally. My mother did a lot of that with me. She finished college but got married right away and hated every minute of it. See if you can ease into a conversation with your mother about what her teens and twenties were like.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

That was just what I did. Regardless of scholarships (most depend on the financial status of the parents) and regardless of how 'good' the school is, try to find approval and support for who you are from other people than your mother, and try to form a sense of what you want out of life. 'Just leave?' Sure. Why stay past high school and put up with being put down? Go back to visit once or twice a year just to see the rest of the family and just so that you keep a little tiny connection with your mother. Maybe someday she will tell you why she was the way she was.
You are the only girl, right? It's possible that she feels trapped in marriage, motherhood, housework, etc, and had dreams of a career. And you as the girl represent her, and she's desperate to have you realize her dreams. That's just a wild guess. Don't take me literally. My mother did a lot of that with me. She finished college but got married right away and hated every minute of it. See if you can ease into a conversation with your mother about what her teens and twenties were like.

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I'm her first daughter, but I also have a younger sister who is three years old. I just don't want my mother to treat her the same way she treated me.

I think your mother is probably stressed and that she is taking it out on you because she has no one else to take it out on. The best thing you can do is talk to your friends about it, and write how your feeling in a diary. Writing your feeling down will help you understand them better. Have you tried talking to your mum about it, if she knew how you felt she may try to change and improve your relationship with her, if not, focus on yourself, do the best YOU can, do what is best for you, the more you try to please her, the more you will be disappointed when she doesn't notice or tells you you're not good enough. Hope this helps :)