I wrote some time back about the birthfather getting a paternity test and what he could do after... well yesterday the results came back and HE is the father. Which I already knew!
But my main concern now is... what will go on now?
Will they judge him on his living conditions? His salary a year?
He has a really good lawyer who will fight for him. The adoption has not been finalized only my rights were terminated. Not the fathers he never signed anything
But the adoptive parents lawyer is really sneaky and is constantly has tricks up her sleeves she is trying to say that the father abandoned me during the pregnancy
He never knew that I followed through on the pregnancy to term and he never knew the baby was born!
Now since he knows he is the father, he more than ever wants his son!
But these adoptive parents are not going to give up!
I know this is a messy situation
But I thought that if he is the father and didn't sign anything he will eventually get custody
Also the adoptive parents said to me that by taking the baby away from them will traumitize the baby?? He's only 6 months old though?
Please any advice if the father will get custody? Any advice on what he should do to get custody?
Now since he is the father does he have all his rights back?

Ok, first, you are pretty much out of this. You may be called as a witness but that's all.

Second, I would say he stands a good chance of getting custody. Especially if he can prove you did not tell him you actually had the child.

But nothing is absolute. A judge might rule for the adoptive parents in the interests of the child.

You however, may find yourself in deep trouble. If you falsified documents about the father, the adoptive parents could sue you.

What do you mean by falsifying documents? The director of theChildren of Hope told me to put "unknown" to hide it from the father...

That is exactly what he means by falsifying documents - you HID the real name of the Father. You knew - you stated in your post that you knew who the Father is.

Not only can the adoptive parents sue you for this but also the baby's biological Father can sue you.

The adoptive parents knew who he was too! They knew that the bio father didn't know about the baby and they admitted that on the phone and by email.
Also the father and I are on talking terms

So are you hoping that the biological father gets custody and you and him get back together? This is sad. How did the adoptive parents know who the biological father is? Can you prove that the director the agency you went through told you to put "unknown" for the father? Sounds like the biological father can sue all of you and should.

Shy explained what I meant. Whether someone told you to falsify the documents just means that they may also be liable for a suit. Doesn't relieve you of liability.

However, if it can be proven that the adoptive parents knew that you knew who the father was and that you had hid the birth from him, that would strengthen his case to gain custody.

Frankly, if I were the judge in this case, I would seriously think of taking the child away from the bunch of you and giving it to a more deserving couple.

You were wrong in hiding the birth from the bio father and falsifying the documents. The bio father was wrong in not following through to make sure of what happened to the child. The adoptive parents were wrong in trying to adopt a child without the consent of both parents. The adoption agency was wrong in allowing the adoption knowing the father was unaware of the birth.

So many laws seem to have been broken here.

I admit I was wrong not telling him, but I was told that he abandonded me and I believed it I really was so scared, neither of you knows what it was like to be in my shoes at the time!

And how dare you say the baby shouldn't go to any of us!

I trusted the director of the children of hope to help me with the pregnancy he was the one who said I don't owe and answer to any one of being pregnant , he is the one who said I don't have to identify him (my mother was right there when he told me that) He was the one who said my baby would have a better lifewith these people and that I can move on and forget this and I can get a job and go back to my normal life
He was the one who said my mother shouldn't come to the hospital
He was the one who dragged me into the lawyers office to get my rights explained to me while I was in labor!
I never knew the adoptive parents! HE was the one who lied to them saying the father abandoned him
I spoke to the adoptive mother in jan when SHE called me up crying saying that they needed me to identify the father and I did!
And she turned around and said "well at least this is out in the open and not lingering or surfacing years later
I have emails from them saying that the paternity test is the next step
They have emails from me confirming that the father never knew the baby was born!

I took it upon myself to say something to the bio dad in dec
And he did something about it!
And now he is going for custody I even told the lawyer that I consent to him going for custody and that I believe he should have full and sole custody!
I don't plan on getting back with him and the baby and all that
I love my son
All I wanted was the best!
And when court day comes when I get called in
U bet your I am going to give the full entire story of everything
I really think it was unfair getting me upset like this
I came to this website for questions not to be judged!:mad:

"I never knew the adoptive parents! HE was the one who lied to them saying the father abandoned him
I spoke to the adoptive mother in jan when SHE called me up crying saying that they needed me to identify the father and I did!"

Did this adoptive Mother call before or after the adoption was legal? I really agree with Scott on this - the Judge should hold all of you in contempt. The biological father should have done his duty in finding out what was really going on during your pregnancy - to come now and say blah blah blah - anyone can claim what he claims. My daughter's father did the same thing to me, two years after she was born - came back and said he never knew.

You said you gave your consent to your ex boyfriend to go after custody. How can you give consent, when you have terminated your parental rights?

This is certainly a mess and you are at the bottom of it all. For that child's sake, I truly hope the right decision is made.

I've stayed out of this, because I have strong feelings about adoption and the way things are done.

No one is trying to make you feel badly. Everyone is trying to help--but look at it from an outsider's point of view. Looking in from the outside, it looks like he blithely accepted that you got an abortion and never checked on you again, you lied to him and said you did, the adoption agency talked you into lying to the courts, the adoption agency lied to the adoptive parents, and the only person innocent of any wrongdoing in this whole situation is the baby!

Now... I'm a birthmom. I know how you feel. I've been through the process, and I KNOW what it's like once you walk in the doors to an adoption agency. During your pregnancy, they're caring, they understand, sometimes they're the only people in the world that seem like they actually WANT to help you. And then the second you sign away your rights, you don't matter to them anymore.

The problem with adoption agencies is that they are on the side of the adoptive parents, first and foremost. That's who pays the bills.

You can bet that the director that helped you is going to "remember" a very different series of events than you do, ESPECIALLY if they counseled you to falsify documents. It is their job to KNOW how the law works with adoption, and they knew that the birthfather needs to sign over his rights as well for an adoption to go through.

It sounds to me like you'd better save every bit of documentation you have, because this is going to be AWFUL when it goes to court. If you think people here have made you feel badly, just wait until you get into court and start talking to a lawyer, who is probably going to make you out to be a lying, manipulative, sneaky person who would lie to everyone in order to have her medical bills paid, etc. The court is going to make you look heartless, because unfortunately that's half the image people have of birthparents (one view is that you're heartless and don't love your baby, the other is that you are utterly selfless in giving your child to a desperate couple to raise).

The bottom line is: You shouldn't have lied. You did, and these are the consequences. The father will probably get custody, and the adoptive parents will be bitter. SOMEONE will come after you for the money they paid for your and the baby's medical fees. It may be that the birthfather will have to pay those, but the adoptive parents paid those bills in good faith, thinking that they'd be getting a baby out of it, and now they probably won't.

First I "dare" to say what I said because that's how I feel about the situation as you have told it to us. I understand you were scared and got bad advice. But you were taught they lying was bad, weren't you? And if someone told you it was OK to lie, don't you think you should have questioned their advice and motives?

You've asked questions and been given answers. You are asking what the possibility of custody and I'm trying to show you what the potential results might be.

Also it seems you are changing your story now. Did the adoptive parents know you knew who the father was BFEORE or AFTER the adoption. Did the lawyer never explain that at least an attempt needs to be made to get the bio father to relinquish his rights? If not, that lawyer belongs on the list of screwups in this case. But it seems the real devil here is the Adoption agency director. You might consider going to the local District Attorney with your story. As I said earlier it appears several laws were broken, whether knowlingly or not.

I am a very strong person I have remained strong for the past 6 months and I am telling you I will be strong in court they can rip me down and make me feel terrible but it won't stop me from proving justice
I got this one life to live and I'm not backing down from what I believe is right you all can say what u want but I'm not backing down and they can give me a whole truck load of tissues I won't need them!
The truth will come out in court and people will cry and people will have there hearts crushed if they haven't already and that includes me
But the main focus is that this child is the main thing here and his father deserves to have him and so does the baby to have his father

I was completely wrong what I did

But I am not goiing to have my child grow up thinking he was placed for adoption and his father or mother didn't and couldn't want him!

Because when he's older that would be more damaging then
Taking him at of that home now! And u all know this!

Thank you all for your time and answering my questions

First, no one is telling you to back down. I'm very glad you are now ready to tell the truth and fight for the truth. And you have my complete support in doing so.

However, I STRONGLY disagree that your child will grow up thinking he was abandoned. Not if his adoptive parents handle it right. Synnen alluded to it, but in my opinion giving a child up for adoption is the greatest act of love for a child that one can do. Realizing that one cannot adequaltely provide for and raise a child and giving that child to someone who can is a huge sacrifice.

But that's really neither here nor there in this situation. It appears that both you and the adoptive parents were duped by the adoption agency and lawyer. This resulted in you duping the bio father. As indicated, he's not blameless because he didn't follow-up.

The judge is going to have to decide whether a single father should be allowed to exercise his rights (he never lost those rights, they were illegally taken from him) or whether the child is better off with a family that it has begun to bond with. The fact that the family may have broken the law in adoipting the child will probably have a bearing.

I don't envy the judge who has to unravel this mess and make this decision. It could go either way.