I too have been with my boyfriend for almost 4yrs now. We have had a lot of trial s and tribulations. He was married once for almost 15 yrs. She and he were both cheaters. When I met him he was at a very low time in his life. Quite depressed to say the least. He and I hit it off pretty well and he now lives with me. He has never liked to kiss. He told me to blame it on his ex wife. I don't know if she told him he was a terrible kisser, His breath stinks, or if the kisses were so intimate that he can't stand to kiss anyone else. Either way Kissing is very important to me. To me it defines how I feel about him. In saying that it defines to me he hates kissing me. I may be wrong! But I just like some others I have read on this site are hurt from it. Left feeling emotionally hurt and desperately wanting to kiss him. I have always been told I am a good kisser and I am almost chronic about brushing my teeth in fear I would have bad breath. It really really bothers me. I don't know if I can go through my life with out the intimacy of kissing. I like it too much. But I absolutely adore my guy. He is a very quiet man. Never a lot to say and truly awkward about sex and stuff. Please help! I fear it may break up our relationship if I have to give up the things I love for a relationship with him.

After four years, it boils down to this. To me, it doesn't bode well for the future.

There are sometimes some intimacies that do not cross the 'kissing' line. Kissing for some I've been told, is reserved for the one they love, not the one they are having sex with.

It may sound trite to say that, but it's a matter, I think, of saving something that connects a person to someone else. Maybe he is not over one of his ex's.

Sex is sex, but sex with the usual intimacies that include kissing, belongs, to some, in another arena.

Maybe it is the last stand against a total commitment; keeping a little part of intimacy reserved out of being unsure, or not as deeply in love as their partner. It's saying 'no' to the whole shebang, or giving in for fear of being expected of more (ie marriage). And in this case, he's already been down that road twice and that might be his little psychological brick wall.

So, in a long winded way, what I'm saying is that, he has really stuck to his guns about the kissing, and it is coming to a point where you are thinking of ending the relationship. That may be what he is wanting anyway.

But, what you may be facing now, are years of betrayal, self doubt, guilt, anger, and self-preservation. He simply may not be ready to fully commit to you.

If he might accept that something is going on that may seriously impact his future with you, you might consider setting some boundaries. Tell him you know there is nothing superficial going on (ie bad breath), but that underneath all this problem, may have something to do with intimacy itself.

If he can accept even that much, it may open up a dialogue, and/or, he may be willing to attend couples counselling, or counselling on his own.

It is important for you to have a deeper, more meaningful insight into this problem, that is no doubt, causing both of you, to drift apart.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

After four years, it boils down to this. To me, it doesn't bode well for the future.

There are sometimes some intimacies that do not cross the 'kissing' line. Kissing for some I've been told, is reserved for the one they love, not the one they are having sex with.

It may sound trite to say that, but it's a matter, I think, of saving something that connects a person to someone else. Maybe he is not over one of his ex's.

Sex is sex, but sex with the usual intimacies that include kissing, belongs, to some, in another arena.

Maybe it is the last stand against a total commitment; keeping a little part of intimacy reserved out of being unsure, or not as deeply in love as their partner. It's saying 'no' to the whole shebang, or giving in for fear of being expected of more (ie marriage). And in this case, he's already been down that road twice and that might be his little psychological brick wall.

So, in a long winded way, what I'm saying is that, he has really stuck to his guns about the kissing, and it is coming to a point where you are thinking of ending the relationship. That may be what he is wanting anyway.

But, what you may be facing now, are years of betrayal, self doubt, guilt, anger, and self-preservation. He simply may not be ready to fully commit to you.

If he might accept that something is going on that may seriously impact his future with you, you might consider setting some boundaries. Tell him you know there is nothing superficial going on (ie bad breath), but that underneath all this problem, may have something to do with intimacy itself.

If he can accept even that much, it may open up a dialogue, and/or, he may be willing to attend couples counselling, or counselling on his own.

It is important for you to have a deeper, more meaningful insight into this problem, that is no doubt, causing both of you, to drift apart.

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I spoke to him about it today. I asked him if it was me? Please tell me! He told me it wasn't me and that he would do better. He said he was self conscious about his dental work that needs done and his cigar breath. I told him I loved him and didn't want to be a nag but that this was very important to me.

I am glad that it's him being self-conscious, and not full of psychological angst! I really over stated that didn't I??

Very happy you got to the bottom of it.

Well I sure hope so anyway! But I do thank you for your input! Sometimes it is nice to hear a mans point of view especially when my guy isn't talking. He has a lot of issues with communication and he does still have emotional issues with his ex wife. I know this for sure. They have two children together and a history of 15yrs.