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-   -   Non-biological grandparents (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=746666)

  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:01 AM
    Emilycase
    Non-biological grandparents
    Our son (only child) has been married for 8 years. He and his wife found out she was pregnant with their first child in the beginning of their seventh year of marriage. We, as first-time grandparents were ecstatic. They live in another state, but we planned a baby shower at our home and friends and family attended. Our daughter-in-law's parents even came from another state. We were at the hospital when the baby was born and helped our daughter-in law after she came home with the baby. They were with us again along with the baby during the holidays. Our son was recently told by his wife that he is not the baby's father. He confirmed it with a paternity test. They are in the process of divorce and my son is planning to sign over his rights as the baby's father. His name of course is on the baby's birth certificate. The baby is now 7 months old. We have grown to love the baby and it would be heart wrenching to ever think of not having any contact or visits. Do we have any rights in this situation?
  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:09 AM
    smoothy
    Nope... I assume you mean the real father is adopting the baby... because there is no other way he can sign off his rights.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:16 AM
    Emilycase
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    Nope....I assume you mean the real father is adopting the baby...because there is no other way he can sign off his rights.
    I don't know. My son has an attorney that is suppose to take care of all of the legal matters concerning relinquishing all of his rights as the father.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:22 AM
    smoothy
    There is no legal process to take away the rights of a father (or mother) that isn't a threat to the child... outside of an adoption... which would end any and all rights they would have at the point the adoption takes place.

    But to the other point of your question... you would have no rights at all.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:30 AM
    tickle
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Emilycase View Post
    I don't know. My son has an attorney that is suppose to take care of all of the legal matters concerning relinquishing all of his rights as the father.
    The baby was born in wedlock, so essentially your son is the father in the eyes of the law, even though he isn't the bio.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:33 AM
    tickle
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    Nope....I assume you mean the real father is adopting the baby...because there is no other way he can sign off his rights.
    He is legally the father, so I believe after divorcing, he will be paying child support. I could be wrong, Scott will confirm, I am sure.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:45 AM
    Emilycase
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    He is legally the father, so I believe after divorcing, he will be paying child support. I could be wrong, Scott will confirm, I am sure.
    I have been told that the biological father is willing to pay child support. As far as adopting the baby I don't know. This sounds like a process. My son has been led to believe by legal counsel that he will sign divorce papers and papers to relinquish rights at the same time. He thought since the biological father is willing to pay child support that the courts would determine from DNA test to release his rights as the father.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 07:45 AM
    smoothy
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    He is legally the father, so I believe after divorcing, he will be paying child support. I could be wrong, Scott will confirm, I am sure.
    I agree... he is legally the father right now... until there is an adoption. If I was their son I would push for DNA testing to prove it ASAP. In some states that might get him off the hook... but not all. But the assumption is... husband = father.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 08:05 AM
    Emilycase
    Would the biological father and my son have to sign papers to relinquish and adopt simultaneously?
  • Apr 30, 2013, 08:08 AM
    smoothy
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Emilycase View Post
    Would the biological father and my son have to sign papers to relinquish and adopt simultaneously?
    Those go hand in hand and are part for the same process..
  • Apr 30, 2013, 08:15 AM
    Emilycase
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    Those go hand in hand and are part fo the same process..
    We want to continue to support the baby and act as grandparents, so if the biological father does not agree to adoption that is fine with us. However our son feels betrayed and says he does not want to support a child that does not belong to him. Especially since his wife is still seeing the baby's father. Thanks for your insight.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 08:34 AM
    smoothy
    If the biological father doesn't adopt it... depending on where he lives... he might still be on the hook to pay for it at least the next 18 years. Maybe even college until 21 depending on where he lives.

    First step would be getting that DNA test done if it hasn't already and get that established right now... because even the states that would accept that argument... won't if he has accepted the child as his own for a certain length of time.

    Its certainly going to help him get out of alimony in some places... again... depending on where he lives as laws such as these are determined by state legal codes.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 09:59 AM
    tickle
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    I agree....he is legally the father right now....until there is an adoption. If I was their son I would push for DNA testing to prove it ASAP. In some states that might get him off the hook ....but not all. But the assumption is...husband = father.
    OP states the paternity test has been done.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 10:07 AM
    smoothy
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    OP states the paternity test has been done.
    I hadn't seen that part previously.

    Would help to know what state is involved so more specific information can be provided.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 12:25 PM
    Emilycase
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    I hadn't seen that part previously.

    Would help to know what state is involved so more specific information can be provided.
    The biological father is in DC. Our son is in Maryland.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 01:23 PM
    tickle
    Your son is still considered 'the father'.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 01:31 PM
    ScottGem
    There is a myth that a parent can just sign over rights to a child. But its only a myth, Only a court can terminate parental rights and courts are very reluctant to do so. However, in a situation like this, they may allow the bio father to take over legal rights. This may not be an adoption, but the result is the same.

    Unfortunately, this leave you pretty much out in the cold. If you can show that you have bonded with the child and that a continued relationship would be to the child's benefit, you might get some visitation. I would urge you to consult an attorney.
  • Apr 30, 2013, 01:39 PM
    Emilycase
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
    There is a myth that a parent can just sign over rights to a child. But its only a myth,. Only a court can terminate parental rights and courts are very reluctant to do so. However, in a situation like this, they may allow the bio father to take over legal rights. This may not be an adoption, but the result is the same.



    Unfortunately, this leave you pretty much out in the cold. If you can show that you have bonded with the child and that a continued relationship would be to the child's benefit, you might get some visitation. I would urge you to consult an attorney.

    Thank you

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